Two Of Us
by Hawker97
Summary: Paul and Addison Mitchell met in high school where it all started. Something happens to their relationship that's seen as something that could either make it or break it for them. It happening leads to them often fighting and not having a good relationship. What if this isn't the end for them? Or will they just become lost memories in the others past?
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hey there! I got this new idea for a new fic, and here I am starting it. I thought I'd share it with you all right away. I hope that you like it, and please leave a review with your thoughts or ideas that you have, if you like! Enjoy!**

It was just an ordinary weekday in late May of my last year at the high school I go to when things started to fall apart for Addison and I. I was in English class and it was nearing afternoon, lunch time, when I'd get to eat greasy fish and chips with John and everybody at our lunch table. I was writing an essay for this scene of a play by Shakespeare that we just finished reading a couple of minutes ago. I love literature and reading and even though this old style of writing and words they use can be hard to decipher and understand, I'm enjoying the play so far. That was until my day went downhill, and for the rest of my years this play became one I disliked and whenever it was mentioned or I thought about it, I relived the memory of that day and what happened.

I tap my pencil against my desk as I look around the classroom trying to think of how to end this essay I'm almost finished with, and my mind wanders off to what has been on my mind a lot lately, and by lately I mean the past almost four months. The challenge of money and a place to live is what has been bothering me the most, and how Addie and I are going to ever afford and be able to get by once next November comes along. John made a good point the other day saying that I'll have to possibly get another job besides being in the band so I can support Addie, myself, and our baby that is on the way. A family I'm going to have. It's almost exciting, but also downright scary at the same time. I feel a tap on my shoulder and I turn to see my male English teacher who's balding standing there.

"I was told that you're needed in the office, son, and that you should also bring your books along." he informs me in his whispering voice that is nothing but a whisper because teachers can never whisper, I reckon.

I nod my head with a confused look and he walks back off to his desk. I shut my notebook and grab my book bag from the back of my chair to deposit my pencil and notebook in it before zipping it up and tossing it over my shoulder. I leave the room of silently working students who half of them are passing notes and the other writing the essay or just nonsense. I make two turns before walking up to the offices door and entering to see my girlfriend's tall mum with her red hair done up in a bun whil standing in her sharp accountants outfit of a skirt and sweater with an open coat. She looks to me the second I enter and lifts her feet to walk over to me.

"Paul." she states with a sad look and my eyebrows fall as I notice her puffy, red eyes.

"Are you being here the reason I was called down here?" I question while I adjust my heavy backpack and she nods her head slowly.

"Paul, it's about Addison," she takes a pause from informing me of the news I was fearing the second she said who it was about. "She's miscarried the baby." she finishes and I exhale a heavy sigh and I rub my chin while trying to find my words.

"Where is she?" I ask, frantically with my now trembling voice and she begins to walk to the door with her chunky heels clicking on the tiled floor.

"She's at the hospital. She wanted you to finish the school day, but she really wants you there." she comments and she leads me out of the offices door while shock works on taking over my body and thoughts, I assume she probably already did the job of signing me out and all of that while waiting for me.

Addison's mum Judy who i've come to know over the past year of me dating her daughter drove to the nearby hospital that I was born at almost eighteen years ago and we get on the elevator to lead us up to whatever floor Addison is on. I still am having troubles processing this while my feet work on their own somehow. I look around at the nurses with those hats on their heads and the doctors in pristine white lab coats who hold clipboards as they scribble onto them and I just walk ahead behind Judy while my mind is swirling with a pool of thoughts as it still processes this new, certainly unexpected information I'm having a hard time believing.

"Paul." I hear a soft voice that I've heard utter my name plenty of times before mumbles and I focus my eyes on my dish-water blonde girlfriend who lays in one of those stiff hospital beds.

"Addie." I return and I walk over to drag a chair over to sit by her in the bed and I take her warm hand in mine.

"Paul, I'm so sorry." she apologizes with the help of her brown eyes that I've found beautiful from that first moment I met her a year and a half ago in Chemistry class.

"Love, don't apologize, you don't need to," I take a short pause and I hear the click of the room door and I turn to see that her mother had left the room to us."Wh-what happened?" I ask nervously while I watch sad tears come into her eyes the color of chocolate.

"We just had gotten done in gym class and so I went into the locker room to change, and I noticed that these bad cramps i'd been having all morning hadn't gone away and that I was bleeding really badly," she stops because now the tears are flowing and I give her hand a comforting squeeze. "I told the teacher and then my mum was called and she brought me here, and the doctor tried to find the baby's heartbeat but couldn't." she finishes with her explanation and I sigh as I watch her crying, I hate to see her cry about anything and especially what has happened to us now.

"It's okay, Addie. It's not your fault, darling." I attempt to soothe her while she cries and I let go of her hand and stand up to give her a hug that we both definitely need.

I stroke her shoulder length hair that is stick straight and that is now tied up into a ponytail while her pale arms are wrapped around my neck and I sit down on the bed after a few minutes. She rests her head on my chest while her arms are linked around my middle and I rest my head on top of hers while I can't help but to think. We had breakfast together at my house with my dad and my younger brother this morning before we headed off to school, pancakes and sausages that my dad was nice enough to make. We told him about the baby right away after she had told me that she was pregnant, which has a little over three months ago. She was beginning to look forward to being pregnant and us having a baby after the worst of the morning sickness had passed and she wasn't tired so much of the time like she had been up until a week ago now that her energy is coming back to her. Her appetite was getting better too now that she wasn't so afraid to eat and her stomach wasn't so sensitive anymore. I was along with her on becoming happy about us having a baby together even though we both have been really troubled about it. She had told her mum soon after she had told me and although her mother wasn't all that happy or pleased about it at first, she got over those initial disappointed and angry feelings and then she came to accept it. Her mum had even bought us a few boy outfits and girl outfits and a yellow baby rattle the shape of a duck the other day from this clothing store that she wrapped up and gave to us, we thought it so nice of her to do that.

I kiss Addison's dish-water blonde colored hair after she had stopped crying and had finally fallen asleep after she cried so hard which was tough to see her go through. I wipe my wet eyes and comb my hair back with my fingers and I close the door quietly behind me. I travel to the waiting room a dozen feet or so away from her private room here in the maternity ward. I find a pot of coffee that had just finished brewing and I take a styrofoam cup from its stack to pour some in. I find the packets of creamer and sugar that I open and empty into the steaming hot liquid and I stir it until the white powders blend in to it to make the liquid a light brown.

"Paul, there you are." a bold male voice comments and I cock my head to see my best mate standing a few feet away from me in the doorway of the little room in his black drainpipes and leather jacket.

"John, what are you doing here?" I question as I stuff my hands in pockets.

"I heard about Addison, her mum called me thinking you'd need a pal right now." he answers and I sigh and glance to my feet before looking back up at him.

"I'm fine, just go back to art school. It's a better time there than it is here right now." I tell him as I reach for my hot cup of coffee.

"Nah, you're wrong about that. The nude male drawing was yesterday, mate, and still I'd want to be here rather than having to draw some blokes prick." he remarks playfully and I grin briefly at his comment before it fades and he treads on over for a cup too and we take a seat by each other but none of us says anything while we wait for our coffee to cool off enough to drink.

"You didn't uh tell anybody, did you?" I query after having gotten the thought.

"No, but people are gonna notice when us three aren't there at lunch with a few servings of fish and chips for everybody to eat ." he responds and I nod my head, there's only two more people who sit with us; George and Addison's best friend Katie who we all call Kat.

"How is she then? Maybe I could go say hi to her quick."

"She's asleep right now." I remark simply while I stare into my coffee that I hold with two hands whose forearms rest on my thighs as I sit leaning forward, I still can't wrap this around my head.

"How are you hanging up over on the other end there?" he inquires while I'm lost in my thoughts about so many things and about all of things that are different now.

"You don't wanna talk about it, okay I get that." he states after I had ignored his question and I lift my head to see him tapping his foot as his hair is in a perfect quiff with only a few strands of hair sticking out here and there.

"It's not that. I just don't know what to say about it," I stop for a second to let out a sad sigh. "I was thinking about cuddling with a little baby who looks like Addie and I both who has little fingers and one of those cute baby smiles this morning right before my English teacher sent me to the office. We were starting to get happy about it, and thinking about what names we would like for a boy and for a girl. Now suddenly Addison and I aren't going to be parents anymore, and she's no longer pregnant. I was getting excited about the thought of being a dad, and now my chance to be one is gone." I finish while the feelings are swirling around inside of me.

"She hit three months and three weeks today, John. She was so close to making it to the second trimester." I add on to this rough and also new subject at hand we speak of.

"Did the doctor say why it had happened?" he asks of out I assume curiosity and I shake my head.

"I haven't spoken to her doctor yet, I haven't seen him at all either." I answer and he nods and then drinks from his coffee.

"Paul, maybe it was for the better. I mean, you two are still in school and you were so worried about getting a flat and being able to afford raising a baby." he comments and I look at him in almost disbelief.

"Are you trying to be an asshole, John?" I retort boldly.

"No, I didn't mean it that way. They, well people just say how those kind of things are for the best sometimes." he corrects himself and me too, I don't respond to what he had to say.

I shake my head with an unsure, blank look while my eyes as well as thoughts are lost in this shitty coffee I hold in my hands. I can't choose if this is a good thing happening to Addie and I like John thinks, or if its not because of the ways you can look at it. I was starting to look forward to becoming a dad in almost five, short months. That's what keeps running through my mind.

That was the only the start of my relationship with Addison Mitchell falling apart, and how things undoubtedly changed for us, my future, hers and ours for one day. It changed a lot, that's for sure.


	2. Chapter 2

"This coffee is crap, you know." John states, interrupting my thoughts and I nod my head up and down.

"You're right about that." I comment and he gets up to toss his cup and he takes mine with him too.

"It's about lunch time and since the hospitals coffee is shit, I'm gonna go get us some lunch and better coffee." he offers and I tear my eyes away from my now folded hands to look at his standing figure over by the doorway, I flash him a weak smile.

"Thanks, John. I'd really like to not starve to death." I remark and a grin appears on his lips at my words and he merely nods before leaving this empty, weird smelling waiting room.

I look to the table that a foot away from me has magazines and the recent looking newspaper scattered on the wood and I grab the paper to try and occupy my wild thoughts for the moment. Keyword: try. I open it up to the second page that continues on the left side from the excerpt on the front of the cover story about some bloke getting in a car accident with his wife and family, him and his one daughter were the only survivors. My eyes flit to the word 'father' repeated once or twice in the paragraph since they mention his two sons unfortunately not surviving and seeing that word sends me into a flashback from three months and two weeks ago, when Addie had told me she was pregnant.

* * *

Addison had been ignoring me all day. In the one class last hour that we have together and at lunch where we sit together, usually side by side, every day. On this cold February day after school I caught her rounding the corner to her house which is only a few blocks and a few left turns and right turns from mine. She wasn't all that happy to see me, you could say. She wasn't angry, but just really quiet and reluctant to speak to me. I had repeated her name again and again as I was a few steps behind her with my book bag slung over my shoulder.

"Can't I know why you've been avoiding me the whole entire day, Addie?" I blurt out as she crosses a walk and then she walks up the steps to her house and I notice her mum's car not being in the driveway and she lets me follow her inside.

She tosses her bag and coat on the cream colored couch that's a few feet away from when you first walk in and she stops and turns around to face me.

"Ad, what did I do?" I ask with a soft tone as I'm so confused.

She just blurted it out right there and then that she's pregnant, she was blunt about it, leaving my jaw to drop and stare at her slim figure in complete surprise. Then she asked straight out if I was going to stay or if I was going to abandon the baby and her by leaving, and I left a minute later after I said that I needed time to think about this thing that was going to change my life with either choice that I made. It was only a few days earlier when things were completely normal for us as we had just shortly started off the new year and we ate lunch together every day, and I wasn't left with this crazy decision that involved becoming a parent at seventeen with whatever way I went with it. Her and Kat chose a different place to sit at lunch because of us not talking, but still together while she carried my child. A few days later, actually three to be exact, after having had plenty of time to think about it I went over to her place after school as her mum worked kind of late and she let me in after I said I had made my mind up.

"Are you gonna stay or not, Paul? It's simple as that." my dark blonde girlfriend said as she sits across from me in a chair with a table in between us.

"Simple? How can you make it seem so simple, Addison? It's the matter of becoming a father or-." I began to make my comment before she interrupted me.

"You're going to become a father whether or not you like it, Paul. There's no or," she then stops and raises her brown eyes back to me. "Your choice isn't to become a father, it's if you're actually going to stay for your child to be their father and parent or possibly let some other man, who won't be you, raise your kid." she in a way corrects me and I sigh and look to the floor before facing her unhappy and also mad face again.

"At least you have a choice." she grumbles barely loud enough for me to hear.

"What that's supposed to mean, huh? You regret this baby, don't you?" I remark and she lifts her eyes back to mine from her nails painted the color of light yellow, her favorite color.

"And you don't?" she boldly retorts, and there's definite truth in her words, that's how it's looking for me at the moment.

"Would you be surprised or call me a damn liar if I say that I don't?" I shoot back and her eyes fall to his necklace I gave her with her favorite stone, amethyst, at it's end. I'm surprised she's still wearing it with how beautifully we're getting along this moment.

"You could save us both a lot of time and hurt too, if you would just tell me your decision." she states and I huff while I tap my foot nervously.

"How would we afford it, Ad? We both have jobs, but even combined they wouldn't be nearly enough to raise a baby. I know that you hate the thought of adoption, so that's out of the question." I remark with the nagging question that I'm sure is going through her mind this moment or just a minute ago.

"I know, Paul. Does that mean you're not staying then and that we're broken up?" she somehow jumps to that conclusion and stands up, I join her by getting off the couch.

"I never said I was going to leave you, Addie. How'd you get that out of what I just said?" I question with my furrowed brow and she exhales a sad sigh.

"I dunno, I'm sorry. I just need an answer, so I can know if I should or shouldn't prepare to be a single mum." she answers and as I listened I thought she was going to burst into tears by how weak her voice sounds.

I lift my feet to walk over to her sad figure as her arms are crossed over her chest defensively and I stop in front of her sad looking round eyes and her tallness that is only a few inches shorter than my height.

"Addison, I've been with you for the past year because I love you and I care about you. I'm not going to leave you and I'm not going to take the chance of another guy raising my own child." I reveal to her and her lip trembles before she starts to sob and I lace my arms around her in a cozy hug and she hugs me back as I hold her while trying to comfort my crying girl, I hate seeing people sad. It's uncomfortable and depressing.

"I'm sorry for ignoring you the other day when I found out and now when I assumed that you were gonna leave me. I'm just so scared, Paul."

"I know you are, darling. I know. I'm scared too." I comment while I stroke her straight hair as her round nose and her wet brown eyes are buried into my school blazer and sniffles escape from her heart shaped lips.

"How are we going to do this? We're only seventeen, we have bad paying jobs and I don't want to consider adoption." Addie, my Addie, cries into my chest while our arms are around the other as she sheds tears and I do too because this is so overwhelming.

"Sh, lets not worry so much about it. We're going to get something figured out, Ad, I promise you that." I tell her and she lets out a big sigh into my shirt that is growing wet with her somber tears.

"Sh, it's okay. It's going to be okay." I continue to try at soothing her while I stroke her dishwater-blonde hair and I rest my head on hers. I wish I knew what I can do to make her feel better and to make this situation and just everything better.

* * *

"This coffee is way better, that's for sure." John's words pull me back into reality as he reenters the still unpleasant waiting room where I'm only the one in here at twelve in the afternoon.

"Is it really? You better not be lying to your miserable mate who's here sobbing like a bloody girl." I comment with my quick wit and I see him grin before he takes his seat back by me and he hands me my share of fish and chips.

"Oh it is, son. It's awfully strong too, but I reckon it's the best that way. This isn't no sissy coffee that we have here." he replies and I set my hot fish and chips on my legs so I can take the styrofoam cup of coffee he hands me that I set on the table to my left in between my chair and another.

"It better be, John." I shoot back and we exchange small smirks before mine fades away as I open my fish and chips, I pop a crunchy crisp into my mouth.

"We got fish and chips, something cheap to drink, and even though a couple of people are missing, it's still the gang." he states and I shake my head in response.

"It's close, but it's not the same, John." I remark and he nods his head in agreement at his wrong statement before we dig into our hot lunches that taste better than they usually do today even though I'm not feeling all that hungry, things just don't feel all that normal right now.

"Since I'm full I'm gonna go see if Addison wants any since we know that hospital food is crap. I might as well give her fair warning," I address John as I stand up with the remaining few pieces of greasy fish and crispy chips and I take a few steps then turn back to say something to him. "Thanks for coming here and for lunch and the coffee too. You're a real pal." I thank him for being kind and caring for a chance which is quite rare for the tough John Lennon of Liverpool to show.

"You're welcome, Paul, just don't be telling people 'cause then they'll all think I'm some sap who likes to talk about feelings and hang out with guys who like to cry." he puts a lightness to his joking words and I nod my head at him with a small grin before leaving him sitting in that chair to talk a small walk to Addie's room.

I lightly rap my knuckle against the door before twisting the knob and pushing it open to have my eyes fall open my tired looking Addison who's sitting up in the bed conversing with her mum who sits in the chair I was sitting in less than an hour ago.

"Paul, hi." my girlfriend greets me and I flash her a small smile and she musters a little one in return.

"I uh had some leftover fish and chips and since I know it's your favorite, I was wondering if you wanted the rest." I state as I step in and close the door behind me and her mum smiles at me before walking out to give us space once again.

"Uh, no thanks. The nurse said I shouldn't be eating." she answers still with that somber look I wish would go away and was never caused to be there in the first place.

"What, why not?" I question while I slowly walk over to her and I sit on the edge of her bed.

"Because it's the protocol for before a surgery. I'm not supposed to eat or drink anything. I was put back an hour because of the hospital being busy, but my turn is coming up in ten minutes." she explains and I nod my head.

"Are you going to be okay?" I query seriously and I take her hand in mine and I gently run my thumb along the front of her hand.

"Yeah, I'm going to be fine." she answers with not that strong of a voice and she softly sighs.

"Ads, are you sure?"

"I'm sure." she responds with a nod of her head and I lean in to softly kiss her cheek before moving away.

"I love you, darling. I'll be in the waiting room. John's in there too, 'cause your mum thought it'd be nice for him to be here, you know?" I tell her and she smiles for a second as we look at each other.

"I love you too. It shouldn't take long and maybe after I wake up afterwards he can come in so I can see him." she suggests and I nod my head at her before kissing her and leaving her small room to walk back to the dreary waiting room.

I toss the fish and chips in a trash bin on my way there before walking in to find John doodling on a piece of paper. I have a feeling that it is going to be a long day.

**AN: Thoughts?**


	3. Chapter 3

"How'd she like the fish and chips? I bet it's better than the gross jello and pudding they have here." John comments as I return to my seat and I look to the few magazines about traveling and medicine on the table, I could go for a good book or a rock and roll magazine right about now.

"Actually I threw the rest of mine away. She's not allowed to have any food before her surgery, it's the rules apparently." I answer his question and I tear my gaze away from the boring looking reading material I reckon only old people or desperate people who are so bored would pick up.

"Oh, surgery, huh?" he voices slowly and I nod my head once vertically and neither of us make any attempts to add onto it.

"Is she going to be alright then?"

"Yeah, just fine. Just fine." I oddly tell him in that way and then our wave of conversation disappears and he stands up from his chair.

"I drank that bloody coffee way too damn fast, where's the loo now?" he explains to me and I snicker while shaking my head and he walks off to find it himself to leave me in my bunch of thoughts I don't even want to sort through right now.

I still can't even register that all of a sudden, in one split second the baby is gone, and so is my future of being a father to the baby, a chance which was looking awfully promising to me. It's going to be hard to get used to. I wonder what this will do to Addie and I's relationship. I didn't know at that moment just what things it would do and not do to us.

"Paul, can I speak to you for a moment?" a female voice asks me, once again withdrawing me from my consuming thoughts and I lift my head to see Addison's adoptive mother Judy to be standing several feet away from me.

"Yeah, sure." I answer quietly before getting up from the cushioned chair that is proving to be rather uncomfortable and I stuff my hands in my pants pockets once I arrive in front of her.

"How've you been feeling, son?" she questions and I sigh before answering.

"I've been better. How's Addie been? I haven't really talked to her all that much." I respond with a question of my own with truth in my words since it's been rather hard for us to speak.

"She's doing a little better, but she has a long way to go still." she answers and I nod my head while I glance around nervously.

"Have you erm spoken to the doctor to see if he's figured out anything?" I hesitantly pose my question and I glance back to her eyes that have crinkles around them from age and raising her three kids on her own the past four years since Addie's adoptive father Nate passed away.

"Yes I did. He's not sure, but he thinks that it had something to do with the baby's DNA makeup and all of that medical mumbo jumbo that's never made any sense to me." she reveals quietly while I listen and try to get something from what she's saying.

"Does he know if it was Addie's or my-." I inquire until she interrupts.

"No, no. It wasn't your fault or Addie's, Paul. He said that there wasn't anything you could've done to stop it or to know that it was going to happen." she barges into to say and I just nod my head slowly at what she has to say, now that answers my question.

"I think she thinks it's her fault." I admit about my Addie while she toys with the belt of her coat.

"I think she does too, but I told her that it isn't and that she shouldn't blame herself."

I was about to nod my head once again because I don't really feel like speaking all that much when I see John round the corner with his hands stowed away in the pockets of his leather jacket. He's never been much of one to blend in, but that's John. I spot him eyeing a young looking, blonde nurse as he walks my way and when he finally tears his eyes away from the modestly dressed hospital employees I roll my eyes at him and he winks with a smirk.

"Ah, hey, Mrs. Mitchell." John greets Addie's mum when he finally gets to us and she musters a small smile in return. Addie and I reckon that she's never liked John and that she's even afraid of him, but most mothers around Liverpool are.

"Well, I have to be finishing signing some papers, so I'll talk to you later, Paul." she declares.

"Yeah, talk to you later." I reply before she nods her red haired head and walks off down the hall.

"She doesn't even try to hide that she doesn't like me, her loss." John comments without any care showing in his words as we walk back over to these hard chairs to once again sit down in the silence.

We both got bored really fast with having nothing to read, eat or much to talk about so we walked down to the parking lot so I could get a book from my school bag sitting on the passenger seat of Addie's mum's small car. I decided to bring my bag in with me and John stopped for a smoke kiddy corner from the hospital's entrance. He kindly lights mine for me as stand in front of a tree that must of recently bloomed as cars whiz by us while we suck on our cigarettes.

"What stuff did her mum have to say?" John queries as I flick the growing ashes from my shrinking ciggie while he blows out the smoke from his mouth.

"Just a thing or two of what the doctor had to say. He reckons that it was basically a natural thing and that it wasn't caused by anything and like the cliche saying; it wasn't meant to be." I inform him softly as I stare up at the gray, cloudy sky.

"I think it goes; it was meant to be." he corrects me with a sly smirk and I roll my eyes and push him once, playfully of course.

"Oh, shove off." I tell him with a smirk as he giggles.

"You don't think Addie would-." he comments a silent minute later.

"No, of course not. She wasn't all that keen on finding out she was pregnant when she did, and sure, maybe she regretted the baby some at first but she got over it. Addie wouldn't of ever done anything to purposely hurt the baby or to..." I interrupt him with my trailing off and he nods while smoking his cig.

"I'm sorry I said it. I just thought to put it out there, but now I know that she isn't like that." he apologizes, one of the few times I've heard him sincerely say that he's sorry.

"It's alright. I'd be lying if I said that it didn't cross my mind too. Addie is a sweetheart. She'd never hurt anybody, a child or let alone her own kid." I conclude my comment with a sigh before taking another pull off my cigarette and I blow the murky cloud of cigarette smoke into the Spring air.

After finishing our first ciggies we decided to have another, John did first and then I gave in. The bloke is a bad influence on me, but he's my best pal.

"Ah, I'm so sorry for acting like a complete girl in front of you with this crying shit." I apologize to John later on back inside the hospital as we are standing in front of a balcony facing a window and a couple floors down because of the privacy compared to the now half full waiting room.

I sniffle and wipe my wet eyes as my feelings are all over the place after it just hit me about losing the baby and how Addie could've been hurt and now worrying about her as the surgery seems to be taking longer than I thought it would.

"You're like head-over-heels-in-love with her, aren't you?" he refers to Addison and I rub my teary eyes again.

"I've been dating her for over a year and you're just figuring that out now?" I question with a little happiness coming from my words and he shakes his head with a smile.

"Well I knew you that you fancy her and always have since that day you were partnered up in Chem. I didn't think that you were this mad about her, though." he comments and I exhale a slow and shaky breath, damn do I hate crying.

"I was thinking about marrying her, man." I reveal to him and his thick brown eyebrows shoot up as a taken aback look washes over her face.

"What, you were? Since when? I'm your best mate remember, you're supposed to be telling me these kind of things, you know." he remarks and I grin shortly as I rub my chin and I feel as if that fifteen minute, however long it was of me crying out all that I've had pent-up today as it's now a few minutes away from two o'clock is gone, or so hope.

"My dad had brought it up that day me and her told him in February. He said it would be the right thing to do along with getting a good paying job and renting out a flat; you know, provide for my family." I explain as he rests against the old brick wall of the building that comes out from the wooden balcony to be very thick, making a flipped L.

"Oho, you and Addie snuck over to her house after school on Valentine's Day while her mum was gone to seal the deal, didn't you?" he teases. Typical John to resort to humor when speaking about sensitive subjects.

"Oh shut up, will you?" I shoot back and I punch his shoulder jokingly and I smile after holding it back for a second, and we both chuckle aloud.

I find it feeling great to laugh as I lean over the railing with my arms resting on it and hands folded as the waiting room is around the corner and the special room where they do surgery is down the long, straight hall. I look there every few minutes to see if the doors have opened, but they remained sealed shut.

"Do you think she would've said yes if you proposed?" he queries and I tear my eyes away from the white doors back to his waiting look.

"I dunno, to tell you the truth." I answer him and I suddenly wonder why he's asking me all of these questions, but I don't ask him because I appreciate us having a serious talk that lasts longer than the usual two minutes. Probably one of our last long ones was when his mum passed away, what a horrible day that was for him.

We grew restless leaning over the balcony so we deposited our hands in our pockets and started down the hall and we slowly walk and soon come upon the large window looking into the nursery, and John to my surprise plants his feet there.

"Everybody knows that Addison was adopted, well not really, just our gang. Anyways, was her adopted the reason you two didn't consider that?" John poses me another question while my eyes settle on this little brown haired baby girl wrapped up in a pink hospital blanket with one of those tiny hospital wristbands on her pink wrist and I unglue my feet from there to start walking again.

"Yeah, it was because of that and because it was our baby and we didn't like the thought of somebody else raising our own child. She always secretly felt cheated by her birth parents for giving her up too. Maybe we should've thought about that more, but now... Ah we were being selfish, weren't we?" I turn to him with my face slick with regret and he bites his lip. John's never been the emotional type.

"Don't beat yourself up about it, preppy." he musters and he pats my arm, and I nod slowly with a forced smile and I sigh while trying to wipe the tears from my eyes.

"I'm sorry for turning into a girl on ya." I apologize because I know that he gets uncomfortable in these kind of situations, but it was his choice to come here after all.

"Nah, don't apologize. I don't like tears and all of that girly stuff, yeah, but it's the least I can do since you stuck it out with me when I was sobbing like a girl and treating you like crap when my mum died." he insists and I nod my head and walk back into the brick wall we've encountered again as we're farther away from the wing where Ad's room is.

Sure, I was scared stiff to be a dad before this afternoon happened and the huge responsibility of it at my young age of seventeen, well nearing eighteen, but the idea of getting to have a cute little baby of my own to hold and play with was growing on me. I know how sappy and girly it sounds coming from a guy, but still. Contrary to popular belief, men have feelings and the ability to cry too.


	4. Chapter 4

"Thanks again, John." I tell him after taking a big breath and remembering that I'm a man, enough of the crying.

"Don't mention it. Honestly, please don't." he jokes with a smirk and I grin briefly before we head back to the still dreary waiting room that sits a lonely old man or two and a lady with two kids looking to be school age, who knows if they're hers or her sisters.

I push back the sleeve of my button down to check my watch that reads 2:11. I groan and then sigh and I run my hands through my hair and I jiggle my leg as impatience surges through my body.

"Shouldn't she be out of surgery by now? I thought it was going to be a simple, short thing," I state softly with an aggravated tone and then pause before continuing. "You don't think something went wrong, do you?"

"Would you calm down? She's going to right as rain like her and her mum said." John scorns and I take in a deep breath to blow it back out while I stare at the blue carpet that is fraying in sections and has dark stains from the hospitals crappy coffee or tea.

"Well it's about time I found you two. I've been running all over this place trying to find you pair." I lift my head when I hear a voice I've heard several times, one that I wasn't expecting to hear so soon here.

"Kat? It's not three yet. How are you here?" I question the short female who should never be underestimated for her height and her soft looks, she makes up for it with her spunk and personality.

"Oh come on, Paul. You didn't think I would stay at bloody school when my best friend is in the hospital and my cigarette dealer isn't there either, did you?" she shoots back and she treads over with a lightness to her step and she plops down next to John and slips a hair scrunchie off of her pale wrist covered with bracelets off all colors and sizes to tie up her hair.

"Yeah thanks, it's nice to see you too, Kat." I reply after getting her names for Addie and John who supplies her with ciggies, they've had a thing a few times over the past year. Off and on they call it, but they're so indecisive and they fight all of the time, and yet even though they don't know it or acknowledge it we all know that they love each other.

"You make it sound like I sell you heroin and all of that risky stuff, K. They're just cigs, love." John in a way corrects her and she slips off her school blazer and hurriedly undoes the first few buttons of her white button down shirt identical to mine.

"Oh just hand it over, Lennon." she insists and out of the corner of my eye and the others I'm sure, we see the old man sitting closest to us give us a judging look, she just disregards it.

"You're building up a big tab on nicking my cigarettes from me, you know. You're gonna have to pay up one of these days."

"You wish." she returns and I feel in my pocket for my wallet before standing up to leave them behind so I can walk to the corner store a block away for a Coke. I just need to get out of here.

"Hey, where are you going, preppy? We're coming with you, you know!" John calls after me and I huff and button up my coat while they take their time getting back up to me.

"I'm not a four year old, you know. I don't need a bloody chaperone to look over me." I retort as my thick school blazer is pulled tight around me and I take a peek at their faces showing something close to a hurt look, but they disappear as soon as they came.

"We're just trying to help, mate." he insists and I stop as they stand on my two sides.

"I know that, and it means very much to me you being here, but I just need some alone time every once in awhile," I explain without being rushed. "Go find some janitors closet to snog in to pass the time." I suggest and both of their faces turn red which makes me grin in the slightest and they both take a step away from each other.

"We all know something's been going on between you too again. There's no need to cover it up, you know. I could care less what you two do when we're not around each other. For the fact, please do not add onto that. I don't need no disgusting images put into my head, yuck." I elaborate more on this suspicion Ad and I have been having this past week, one that we're pretty confident of.

"You'll tell her we say hi, if you see her?" Kat queries after clearing her throat.

"Yeah." I reply and and I turn around to tread down the hall away from them, back towards the maternity ward and I stuff my hands back into my pockets before pushing the down button on the elevator that takes it's sweet time getting to me.

* * *

After having left the hospital and walking to the corner store a block or two away for a Coke and a sandwich which only took ten minutes tops, I toss the empty bag into the garbage can a few feet from the hospital steps. I down the last gulp of the Coke before adding it into the trash can and walking up the cement steps into the funky smelling hospital. I arrive at the elevator and I luckily don't have to wait long until I'm on it and up on the floor where Addie is. I start down the hall, get lost unfortunately with all of the rooms and I turn around to tread down the hall, back towards the maternity ward and I pass the waiting room oddly full of talking which is a difference, and I stop at Addie's door labeled with her room number.

I notice it to be open just a crack and so I push it open slowly to have my gaze fall upon my sleeping girlfriend laying in the bed and her mum for like the fifth time walks out to leave us alone together, although she's asleep. I drag the chair over that her mother or whomever must of replaced at this desk where Addie's familiar school bag and another one of hers sits. I reach inside my blazer for the small novel I stowed away in there after retrieving it from my book bag. I remove an extra guitar pick of mine as my bookmark a few chapters into the rather interesting book. I thought I'd lost the pick, and look where I found it! I randomly sigh and finish the last paragraph of the page and I turn the page covered with tiny print as my legs are crossed and I don't hear nothing in the room, except for Addie's calm and rhythmic breathing. My eyes leave the page as I hear her yawn and she moves a bit in the bed and her brown eyes open.

"Hey there, darling," I greet her softly after putting the black pick at the page I'm on and I set it on my lap. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm really tired, but hi." she answers while rubbing her eyes and I notice the IV taped to her skin to be on one of of her hands, and she yawns again.

"Your mum said the surgery went well." I inform her after recalling the only thing her mother said to me before leaving this small room this last time.

"Oh, that's good. Why aren't you with John?" she questions while moving the blanket covering her and then her eyes devote themselves to me.

"Well I wanted to check on you, and plus we ran into Kat not even fifteen minutes ago so I told them to go snog in a broom closet to pass the time." I answer and a small grin appears on her heart shaped lips and we both muster a laugh.

"Yeah, they thought them fooling around again was a secret nobody knew about."

"They did a bad job of keeping it one with flirting all of the time, being seen together after school more than usual, and getting jealous if either of them was to talk to another guy or girl." I add on while we both still smile at our conversation and I lace my hand with hers.

Our humor seems to have disappeared as we now don't utter a word to each other while we seem lost for our words.

"I'm glad you're alright." I tell her after directing my eyes back on her oval shaped face.

"Thanks, Paul. But I'm fine." she returns.

"But, Ad-." I object. I've came to know Addie quite well this past a year and two month that we've been dating, and I've noticed that she keeps a lot in. She's a tough nut to crack, my Addie.

"Paul, I'm fine, okay?" she retorts and she withdraws her hand from mine.

"Addie, you're not. I know you're not. I know that you're doing worse than me and I'm barely keeping it together," I begin in a stern tone while her brown eyes are no longer meeting mine. "Darling, you don't need to hide things from me. You know that you can tell me." I finish and her lip starts I quiver and then her eyes flood with tears.

I sigh sadly and stand up to wrap my arms around her shaking figure and I again move to sit on the bed with her head buried into my chest and her hands gripping my shoulders. I keep my arms snaked around her while I rub her back while she cries.

"I'm not okay. I'm so hurt, Paul. W-we were going to have a baby together, and now the baby's gone. I know I shouldn't, but I feel like it's all of my fault and that I failed our baby." she reveals into my chest as I hold onto her while she goes on crying into my shirt.

"Oh, Addie. Don't you think for a second that what happened to the baby was your fault in any way. It wasn't your fault, or mine. It wasn't anybody's fault." I try to soothe her and relieve her of the guilt and she raises her head to look at me.

"But what if there's something wrong with my body?" she asks me and I sigh.

"Stop worrying, love." I mumble because I didn't know what to tell her. I considered lying to her and saying that nothing is, but I don't know that. She sighs and rests her head back on my chest and sniffles.

I comb her pretty hair away from her eyes glistening with tears as she has now stopped crying. I reckon she must have done a lot of it today already. I exhale a long breath. I haven't told anybody but I too feel as if maybe the doctor was wrong and that my genetics might have made this happen to the baby. My baby. Addie and I's baby. I wish there was a sure way to know, because I feel guilty too about it.

And there I sat for the next hour with her once again asleep in my arms after drifting off not too long after her crying faded. I thought, I cried and then I slept while holding her in my very arms. I've never seen her sleep so much in one day, but she's been through a lot so far and it hadn't even reached three o'clock before I had fallen asleep. What I like about sleep is that for that little time you can escape everything; the pressures of the world, nagging thoughts, annoying people, the expectations of others, the sadness and anger you sometimes find yourself having against this unfair world. When I woke up Addie was still out cold and when I suggested that I'd have no problem with staying over her mum kindly told me to go home and get a good nights rest. I met John and Kat out in her car swapping spit and it didn't even faze me. I've stepped in on them doing worse things. Kat kindly drove me home with John riding shotgun while I stared out the window as I have an almost empty stomach and the desire to sleep the minute I get home.

I sling my bag weighed down with a textbook and notebooks over my shoulder and I wave at John and Kat who drive away in her hand-me-down car we all call the Taurus for it being black and being so crappy, but it always prevails. I open the front door of my house slowly as to not make a lot of noise because the last thing I want to do is answer questions, get a pep talk from my dad or receive any hugs. I dodge those bullets by hurrying up the stairs to my small bedroom where I toss my bag and jacket on the floor in front of my dresser and then my stomach rumbles for the tenth time in the past ten minutes. I sigh and give in by going downstairs to raid our small refrigerator that I hope is holding something good that I can warm up or just rip a top off.

"I heard about Addie, son. I'm very sorry." my dad addresses me as I stand in front of the closed fridge ripping off the top to a chocolate pudding while I hold a spoon in my hand.

"Ta." I mumble as I toss the top into the garbage and I dig into the snack while I hear him huff.

"I know this may sound weird coming from me, but do you wanna talk about it?" he to my surprise questions and I shake my head and then escape to the staircase. I didn't know what to say or to do, as cowardly as that was.


	5. Chapter 5

I finish the pudding and get up from my messy bed to toss the plastic cup and set the spoon on my cluttered dresser. I shut off my bedroom light and tread over to my bed where I collapse onto the collection of blankets before falling asleep. Sleep wasn't exactly a great escape for me because I had this dream where I found myself in a hospital, one looking very similar to the one I spent hours at earlier today. Anyways I found myself in this hall and all of a sudden I hear this baby crying loudly, and it doesn't stop. It was bugging me so badly that I decided to go find this baby to maybe make them stop and as I turned a corner it got louder and louder as I took more steps and then it stops. I got confused that it did stop and then it begins again and grows louder and louder. Finally I arrived at this open door that was oddly the only I've seen in this place and I spot the baby wrapped up in a blanket wailing loudly. I shuffled over to him or her and they became quiet when I picked them up and their small arm shot out from under the white blanket and I saw one of those little bracelets on his or her wrist that read 'McCartney'. I moved my hand to the blanket covering their face and when I was just pushing it down I woke up in a cold sweat. I wipe the sweat from my brow as I stare into the seemingly never ending darkness that is my bedroom before I flip back the covers and walk out of my bedroom while wiping the sleep from my eyes. I set feet downstairs and I immediately hear chattering, laughter and drawers being opened and closed. I enter the kitchen to find my dad and younger brother Michael standing at the counter with bags of lunch meat and the block of cheese set out with the butter dish as well. They turn to see me standing there in the doorway about to wander in and they stop talking and the smiles fall from their faces.

"Hello, son. You've came down just in time because din is ready." my father announces and I nod my head while I bite my lip and he treads over to the stove cooking a pot of I notice to be chicken noodle soup.

My dad sets a plate with a sandwich on it before me and a bowl of soup as well and I shoot him a small smile as they gather their plates and bowls to join me at the kitchen table. Dinner was quiet as nobody said anything. I was still tired and I kept thinking about that bizarre dream I had that was both freaky, confusing and sad. I have no idea what to think of it. I retreated back to my bedroom after having quickly scarfed down the meal and I decided to take a much needed bath.

I walk into the tiny bathroom downstairs and open the cupboard to grab a towel that I set on the closed loo and then I start to run a bath. I stop in front of the sink that has a round mirror above it and I slowly look up to see my heavy eyes and my black hair that looks loose and messy from how I styled it tightly this morning before school. I sigh and comb back my hair before getting into the bath and soaking in the hot water.

Once I had finished with that I wrap a towel around my waist and go upstairs to find John sitting on my bed plucking the strings of my guitar.

"What the hell are you doin' here?" I question as I stand in my open my doorway and he looks up innocently.

"Waiting for you to be done with your bloody bath." he replies with a smirk and I shake my head.

"I could easily call you a creep sometimes because I have every right with some of the stuff you do. Now go downstairs so I change, you weirdo." I tell him and I don't care that he took my guitar with him, I just wanted him out of the room so I can change in privacy. We're good mates and all, but still.

I leave my room to bound down the small flight of stairs to find him now strumming something while on a chair in front of the fireplace in the otherwise empty sitting room, and I decide to take a seat beside him.

"Now that I got some clothes on, what'd ya want?" I state as I comb my hair back after having done a crappy job of styling it into the same look John and George both wear theirs: the DA.

"You sound might happy to see me," he comments sarcastically as I stare at the mantel of the fireplace mindlessly, zoning out really. "I just thought I'd stop over to uh see if you're alright and maybe wanted to play some guitar." he mumbles and I barely hear him say the 'see if you're alright' bit. It's not like John to declare that he cares about someone really.

"Ah, pal, you care about me?" I tease with big smile and he shakes his head with reddening cheeks and a little smile.

"Uh no, I never said that. Now about playing, what'd ya say?" he gets back to his potential cover up reason and we agree upon playing for the next few hours until nine when we both were growing tired.

"Are you gonna be at school tomorrow, do you think?" he questions as we stand at the doorway together before he steps out to leave.

"I'm not sure, yet. I wanna see how Addie is tomorrow, even though I know she wouldn't want me to sag off school." I answer while I lean against the doorway with my hands in my pockets and him a few feet away from me with his guitar in hand.

"We could just sag it off anyway. You know, go sneak into the films and come back here to write some and then you can go see Addison too." he suggests in his whispering voice because of my dad being in the next room in earshot even though he doesn't have the best hearing.

"That sounds good to me. I really don't wanna go and dissect that bloody fetal pig in Science," I comment and he smirks at my disgusted look. "Aren't you going to suggest that Kat should skip as well so you too can snog as much as you want?" I poke at him about that and he rolls his eyes.

"I'll see ya tomorrow, mate." he remarks, totally ignoring my comment about Kat and their not-so-secret relationship and he leaves and then I dash up to bed to fall into bed and have a sleep free of any dreams.

* * *

After having brekky, getting dressed and taking some money from my hidden stash I grab my school stuff and tell my dad goodbye and that I'm off to school even though he told me I don't have to go today.

"Son, I think you should just stay home. Your exams aren't for another week and you're a smart lad, you'll do fine missing another day." he insists and I raise my eyebrows at his surprising words. He's never been super strict, but he's adamant about Mike and I getting a good education and being successful in life.

"Thanks, dad." I tell him as I toss my heavy bag over by the coat rack and he nods his balding head with a toothy grin and I turn back to the door.

"Tell Addie I say hi." he requests before I nod my head at him and leave out the door to make the somewhat long walk to the music store downtown that John brought up last night and where we decided to meet today.

I push open the glass door to hear the bell go off as I step into the small but homey music store, one of my favorite places in this world without a doubt. I wave at the manager standing at the front desk holding a guitar he looks to be repairing as I make my way to the back where all of the fancy and expensive guitars are. I come here quite a lot, I play a few of the guitars after a day at school or before hanging out with Addie. Even though I could probably never afford one here, but yeah I bought my first one here that's my current one, I still love to come here and play one of their nice guitars to feel the strings and hear its unique sound that each of them has. I walk over to a simply stunning Martin acoustic that has been my dream guitar for the past year and who I play every time I get the chance to come here. I carefully take her off the rack to sit down on a stool in front of the rack of acoustics that are different colors, shapes, sizes, number of strings, etc. I strum a chord to check if it's in tune before starting into a riff I learned recently.

"Hey, mate." John greets me as he walks over in his leather clothing and I nod at him while I focus my eyes on my right hand making the chords on the frets of the guitars slick neck.

"Hi. Wow, I'm surprised you're up so early." I state, forgetting about the riff as he drags over a stool while he holds a pretty Gibson.

"Well I woke up this morning and thought that the nude female model was today for my drawing class, but then when I got there I asked a buddy and they said that its some other crap. I was disappointed alright, and so I thought I'd meet you here early." he explains while I smirk at his answer, we weren't supposed to meet until 9 when the lazy bloke got his arse out of bed but it's now ten after 8. I was planning on fiddling around with a guitar until he drug his butt over here.

"Awe, thanks for making me feel so special." I tease and I hear him groan before starting into some strumming and I join him after recognizing what chords he's using, the ones I taught him last week.

John rolls his eyes before switching a chord and we continue to test out the guitars we have and a few others before waving goodbye to the kind manager who we've spoken to several times and gotten new strings put onto our guitars by. We then met Kat at her house a block and a turn away who drove us to the hospital and they followed me up to the floor Addie is on.

"I'm gonna see if she's awake and if she's up for visitors." I tell them as we stop at her closed door and they nod and I knock before entering.

"Paul!" Addison exclaims in her voice that musters the little happiness that she can probably allow for.

"Hey, Ads. How have you been, darling?" I respond as I walk over to her bed that she sits up in with a refreshed look on her face and she pats the spot on the edge for me to sit.

"I'm okay, and you?" she replies and I kiss her on the lips before answering.

"I'm tired, but alright." I respond and she lifts her hand to caress my cheek while I look into her dark brown eyes that have so much depth to them.

"Hey, why aren't you in school?" she asks with a sudden shocked look on her still sad as well as exhausted looking face.

"My dad told me that it's fine to stay home today so I can see you. I was gonna sag it off to hang out with John and to see you anyways." I explain to her as I look over her oval face with her thin eyebrows, heart shaped lips, straight nose, dark blonde bangs hanging over her flat forehead and those brown eyes the shapes of almonds.

"Paul, you shouldn't be skipping. Our exams are next week." she scolds and I can't help but to laugh and she rolls her eyes while shaking her head.

"But I wanted to see you." I tell her sincerely and this time I'm holding her cheek and I lean in for a tender kiss lasting a second and then someone knocks on the door.

"You two better not be snogging in there! We wanna see Addie too, you know, Paul." Kat's strong voice states from the other side of the door and we both laugh before they push the door open.

Hugs are then shared, as well as hellos and how have you beens.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Please don't be so quiet, guys! I we really wanna hear what you think about this story and any suggestions you have!**

"Okay, go. I'm fine, honey. Really I am." Addison urges as I stand by her bed ready to leave an hour later as we talked, ate jello and ice cream cups together while laughing and lightening everybody's spirits. All of that only lasted an hour though.

"Are you already getting sick of me? Is that why you want me to leave?"I tease her and she grins as I hold her hand while again sitting next to her on the bed.

"Me get sick of you? No." she answers with a grin while shaking her head and I smirk.

"You need to work on how convincing your lying is. Maybe take a lesson or two from John." I poke at her and we both laugh before my lips touch hers in a kiss.

"Has the doctor said when you'll be released from here?" I question after the quick kiss as I lean back to my sitting position.

"Tomorrow morning is what it's sounding like right now." she responds and I nod my head at her answer while we look at each other and I brush my thumb across her cheek and that small smile reappears on her lips.

"John was talking about us all going out for brekky at that pancake house tomorrow mornin'." I inform her about our idea for tomorrow morning since it'll be Saturday and she tears her eyes away from the empty jello cup on the table where her empty breakfast tray sits.

"That'd be nice." she responds with a quiet voice and I just nod in agreement.

"Do you reckon you'll be at school Monday?" I inquire.

"Probably, but I'm nervous if people will say anything."

"Darling, only John, Kat, George and I knew about you being pregnant. Nobody else at the school did, so what could they say?" I answer and she sighs which makes her shoulders fall.

"They could say plenty, Paul. People come up with rumors and tons of things they think of." she insists and I huff. Addie has always been self-conscious and caring more than she should about what people think about her.

"And you just have to ignore what those idiots say. They don't matter and they don't know what's going on. They're not your friends, and if they think this or that about you, then so what! They're all jealous, that's what they are." I attempt to make her feel better while she fiddles with the hospital bracelet on her wrist and I lace my hand with that hand of hers so she'll stop and look at me.

She nods her blonde head at my words, either in understanding, agreement or I don't know, "What are we going to do with that baby stuff we have?" she queries.

"We don't need to worry about that right now. We can figure it out another time." I answer her question and I give her hand a squeeze.

"How's your mum been?" I ask after a small bout of silence between us and she shrugs her shoulders in response. She hasn't always gotten along with her mum, but she was really close with her dad before he sadly passed away.

"Overprotective, tending to my every need, telling me to sleep, and in here just about all of the time." she responds with a sad sigh and I nod my head to myself.

I stroke my thumb along her hand while she looks out the window that sun comes through and in which you can see birds flying around. She sighs and lays her free hand that I was holding earlier on our two intertwined hands.

"Those two are probably waiting for you, so should get going." Addie insists and I look over her seemingly emotionally tired expression before replying.

"Are you sure you're okay? I can just spend my day with your or however long you want me to instead of whatever us three are going to do today. I'm sure that they'd appreciate the time alone." I make sure with her and she nods her blonde head up and down before I lean forward to hug her.

"I'm going to be fine." she insists while her head sits in the crook of my neck and I kiss her cheek as I pull away.

"I'll stop by later before I head home, yeah?" I tell her and she looks as if she's going to disagree before saying 'yes' and I kiss her before we share brief smiles and I leave her room to once again join John and Kat who I found outside having a smoke.

We leave the somewhat busy hospital to find George waiting outside the film cinema's double doors for us where he said he would meet us after making it look like he was going to school, only to make it believable for his parents before ditching and coming over here. Since we don't see the person who's usually in the ticket box and who is on break like the sign says we easily sneak in to take seats in the way back to watch some film we've heard nothing but good things about.

"We made it just in time, eh?" John comments and I nod.

"We sure did, mate. Great timing."

I reply and I sink into the cushioned theatre seat and then I prop my feet up on the vacant chair in front of me.

* * *

The film was marginal, with it's impressive parts, laughs, cheesy lines and climatic ending. Afterwards we stopped somewhere to get lunch since we grew hungry over the duration of the almost two hour long movie. We dropped by John's house where he lives with his Aunt Mimi who he said is out getting her nails done or at work, wherever she works. We all listened to a few of his new vinyls that he nicked from the record shop we visit mighty often and traded with some pal from college for some of the ones he nicked that were crappy jazz. We don't listen to that classical, formal stuff, oh no. We brought our guitars everywhere today and left them in Kat's trusty, old car when we went in somewhere without them, and once her and George got bored she dropped us two off at my house with our instruments and George said he'd stop by later after continuing with the act of trying to make it seem convincing that he went to school today.

"How's she?" John questions the second I got off the phone with Addie who I rung to see just that.

"She's good. The doc said she's healing up well and everything, so she should be out in the morn'." I inform him while we sit in separate chairs with our acoustics balanced on our laps and what we call our writing notebook opened on the floor for us both to see.

"Good deal. We'll have to celebrate with pancakes. She must be getting tired of that gross hospital food." he comments while pushing his thick, black framed glasses higher up on his nose.

"Celebrate?" I ask with a confused look and he nods quickly.

"Yeah her getting out. What do you think I was saying?," he remarks and then he sighs. "You didn't think I meant the reason her being in the hospital, did you? Paul, you got to admit, maybe it was a good thing it happened. Then you wouldn't have to go through the hassle of finding a place and settling down at the age of seventeen." he suggests and I shake my head while I stare at the floor.

"Don't say that." I retort and he huffs before going at it again.

"Don't lie, because you know I'm right. I know you're sad about losing the baby and-." he continues while I shake my head again and again and I toss my guitar onto the couch.

"You don't know what it's bloody like, John, so don't say that you do! I was going to be a dad in a matter of almost five months! It was going to change my life in every which way and you know what? As hard as it would've been for Addie and I to have a baby at this age and to raise it, I was beginning to feel good about it. You've never watched the girl you love miscarry your own baby, so don't try and relate 'cause you can't." I shoot back in a booming voice with my pissed off attitude coming through in my words and I stand up to go to the kitchen where he follows me.

"You were so excited about becoming a dad, weren't you? Then tell me, were you going to propose to her and 'do the right thing' like your traditional father told you to do?" he asks and I turn around to face him.

"Shove off." I retort and he starts to grin.

"You weren't going to, were you? Even if you were going to I bet you wouldn't be happy about it. You're only seventeen! The band is starting to set off a bit and who knows what's out there for us, for you! Don't say that it was a horrible, horrible thing with no good to it, you damn liar!" he yells at me while we fight back and forth and I groan.

"What are you a psychologist now, or some bloke educated in all of that feeling crap? How the hell do you know what I would've done or felt?," I take a pause. "Do you want me to say that I was acting ever since yesterday morning? A kid, John. A little baby! Don't you understand that I'm sad about losing that chance-. No, just forget it, you couldn't understand. I'm wasting my bloody time trying to explain this to you with the hopes that you'll understand." I cut off myself mid sentence and I groan and turn around while he remains quiet.

"I love her." I refer to Addie.

"Oh you do, do you? Then tell me that if we ever get lucky and land those big gigs with huge female audiences that if it came down to it, you would resist to cheat on Addison." he poses and I take in a breath before answering.

"I-I don't know what I would do, to be completely honest." I reply softly after not giving it a whole lot of thought, but then again you think differently when you're in the situation.

"That's what I thought and what about her, do you think she'd ever cheat?"

"No." I answer while shaking my head side to side and his thick eyebrows raise with an unsure look showing on his face.

"She's a popular bird who's undeniably pretty, outgoing, has a great looking body I must say, been with a few blokes before you and guys are still throwing themselves at her even though she's yours." he makes a good point and I sigh, he's telling the truth.

"She's a great girl, she is, but you weren't her first and she wasn't your first and you're both only seniors in high school. You're at your prime age now." he states as the fighting and yelling has I think died and went away now.

"You don't think she would-."

"You've been going steady with her for the past year, mate. You'd know better than I ever would." he cuts in and I realize that Addie does hold so much in and hide a lot of her feelings and thoughts that maybe I don't know her as well as I wished I did. Do I know her any better than the first day I met her?

I know her quiet laugh, her toothy smile, how she walks slower than most people, how she's very shy and keeps to herself, that she dislikes hypocrites, could care less about school, wants to be a world known piano player one day, and that she doesn't realize just how gorgeous she is. I know a lot about her, or so I think I do. I know that unlike most girls she's never really wanted to be a mum, but when after the shock of being pregnant passed the reality of it grew on her and she came to like it a little more every day. Although she dislikes school she wants to get a good education, go to college and be one of those household names because of her crazy good piano skills. Something that she only just told me a few months ago that nobody else knows is that she tracked down her birth father when she was fourteen and that he's a drunk and that he didn't know who she was or remember her even. She didn't tell her mother Judy about it because she wouldn't of wanted her to be in that harm and also she would of wondered how Addie found his name and where he lived and all of that. I know that it broke her heart, because she had such high hopes of possibly finding a father figure in her birth father after her dad passed away from a car accident. I know plenty about her, but do I really know Addie? I know what pushes her buttons, how to tick her off, how to get her to smile and what her favorite candy is, but do I really feel one hundred percent confident that she's never cheated? Yes, I know how bad that sounds coming from her boyfriend, but honestly can't a guy wonder? I trust her and we've never had any troubles with her possibly having cheated, but it's gotten to the both of us these other blokes asking her to the school dances, flirting with her, asking for her number and other things that tick me off. Although it sucks when John and I fight and sometimes we get close to it turning physical, he has a good point about whatever he was trying to prove to me.


	7. Chapter 7

He cracked a joke which broke the ice between us before we headed back into the living room to pick up our guitars and get back to the song we're trying to write.

"Hey, I know that you love her and that she's important to you. I'm just trying to say that you're not even an adult and that you shouldn't be choosing to get married right now. You're both only teenagers, and yeah so am I, but just don't make that decision now." he advises and I nod my head in understanding of what he has to say.

"I don't even know if we would work as a married couple anyways. We haven't fought for a month or two, but we don't get along all that well and sometimes I think she has doubts about us because of all those idiot guys at school asking her out and flirting with her when she's mine. Yet in a way she doesn't seem to be mine." I comment and he nods too.

"I don't know what to say, other than that's what I meant to say."

"I get what you're trying to say." I remark to John and his eyes leave me to return to his guitar and we drop the subject and get back to singing and playing our guitars until Mike came home from school. My dad returned from work next after sometime and then John left to get home for dinner before Mimi yelled at him.

* * *

I noticed that it was only four o'clock when John left so I got the permission to ride my bike to the hospital to see Addie before visiting hours end at five-thirty tonight. I stayed for awhile cracking jokes with her, telling her about my day -leaving out the fight with John- and then we talked about the gang's set plan for meeting at the pancake house tomorrow morning for a celebratory breakfast with the whole gang of five attending, including Ads and I. And so that's what we did the next morning with us all, except for Addie, chipping in for the bill. Then afterwards we headed over to my house and brought our school books and homework with. Even though Kat had missed an hour, or two, or four Thursday and Friday combined, she kindly got Addie's homework and mine too when she picked hers up after school the previous day. Well actually she had her mum get it, or else her whole cover about skipping school would be blown, but her mum doesn't care really. We all like her laid back parents. Anyways the smarty that Kat is in Physics, Pre-Calc and our American Literature class that us three seniors are taking, she basically taught Ads and I all of the stuff we missed in great, easy-to-understand detail in a matter of the first hour and a half since we've been at my house this early afternoon. That was all while John is going through my records I brought down from my upstairs room to the small sitting room we occupy as George works on Chemistry and Algebra homework.

"Kat, I don't get these bloody compounds. Will you just do this work for me, please?" George complains from his perch on the chair closest to the dormant fireplace.

"Georgie, you're never gonna learn anything if you do that." Kat replies while a notebook, a pen, and an open textbook sits on her lap while she's stolen a chair to sit in across from the lad a year younger than herself and the other two seniors sitting in the room.

"I don't care 'bout learning it, Kat. I'm gonna be a wicked guitar player when I'm older, not some overeducated chemist. I won't need to know this damn stuff! I just wanna graduate so my parents will get off my arse." George finishes and we all smirk a little as we stare at our papers and I glance to Addie who wraps a piece of her straight hair around her finger while tapping the pencil on her notebook as her brown eyes sit on the page her Geography book is open to. She isn't smiling or looking amused in the slightest.

I write the last few words for this study guide I just finished and I place the white packet on the long table in front of us that holds bottles of Coke, cups of half drunken tea, pencils, those pink erasers, pens and a package of Oreo cookies. I set the folder and pencil aside to wrap my arm around Addie who lifts her head and looks to me. I flash her a smile and kiss her forehead and then she smiles in the slightest and I lean forward to kiss her quickly.

"Hi." I greet her and she sighs and moves her head to face me.

"Hey." she responds softly while Kat gets out of her chair to help George and John fiddles with the record player as he puts one on.

I look back to Addie who has rested her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes. I know that she's tired, but knowing her if she was really sleepy she would've asked to have been brought home or take a nap upstairs. She's been really quiet today too, I've noticed. It's not like her to be quiet and to not join in on the conversations. Before she left the hospital this morning she said whats happened is still bugging her, and I told her it is for me too.

"You okay?" I whisper to her as I look around at the other three who aren't paying any attention to us.

"Yeah." she answers softly and I don't say anything or argue with her even though I feel like she isn't telling me the truth since I know she's hesitant to confess about her feelings and personal things like that.

"Lets to have a word upstairs, yeah?" I suggest to her quietly as Kat kneels beside George while speaking and pointing at the periodic table in his textbook as he looks beyond frustrated.

"Okay." Addie answers and she moves the school stuff off her lap to the left of her on the couch that only us to sit on and I take her hand to lead her up to my room.

I close the door to my silent bedroom that is hardly lit by the minimal sunshine coming in through the window and I flip on the light switch before turning to her as she stands before me in her skirt past her knees and long sleeved shirt that buttons up. As sad and troubled as she looks, she looks incredibly pretty.

"Ads, are you sure you are okay? 'Cause I don't really think so." I state and I deposit my hands into my pockets.

"Paul, I just told you I'm fine. Now can we please go back downstairs so I can finish all of that homework I have?" she insists in a frustrated tone and she refers to the load of work and reading she missed over the past two days, most of it is to prepare for our final exams but luckily the school is being easy on her after her mum told the headmaster what happened.

"Addie, you have all weekend to do it and I know you'll get it done quickly. Why won't you just tell me what's wrong? Why are you hiding it from me?" I return and she shakes her head.

"'Cause I don't want to talk about it, okay?"

"I know that you want to talk to about it, Ad. That's how you are. You want to speak about it to get it off of your chest, but you're afraid to admit whatever it is, but you can talk to me. You know that. We've been together for over a year, do you need anymore reassurance?" I remark and she lets out a frustrated sigh while avoiding my gaze and playing with her fingers.

"Alright, fine. I'm still thinking about losing the baby, what it would've been like to be a mum in five months, how freaky it was Thursday morning when it all happened, the things people are going to say when us four, three appear back at school Monday after having been gone for those two days, and what this means for us. So that's what is going through my head, there you go." she reveals and then concludes by opening my door and walking out of my room.

I sigh and sit on my bed before following her down the flight of stairs and I don't find her on the couch in the sitting room and I glance to her books still on the couch. I wander into the kitchen to find John in there grabbing a napkin.

"Hey. Do you uh know where Addie went?" I ask, a bit worried and he cocks his head to look at me.

"She said she was going to go outside for some air." he answers and I nod my head.

"Did you two have a row?" he questions.

"Yeah." I comment and he then opens his mouth to speak.

"I don't know much about relationships and how to keep a girl happy since I haven't had the best streak of luck with either, but there's one thing I've learned. You have to give 'em time and space, or else they feel closed in and of that sort." he advises.

"Ta." I comment and he nods his brunette head once before stepping out of the room.

I decide to get back to the rest of my Maths homework and American Lit reading just so I can get it over and done with, and not have to worry about it anymore. I sped through the problems as I wrote down the answers and did the hard work next to the problem. I'm so glad Kat taught us this stuff because I hardly understood it before she did, I think. I hope I do okay on my exam, I add onto that thought before closing the textbook and grabbing the novel for English that I have to read the first twenty pages of before the weekend comes to a close and the next school week starts back up.

I was on page eighteen when the clock stroke two in the afternoon and Addie had came back inside and removed her light jacket to hang by everybody else's and she resumed her seat next to me.

"I swear my brain is fried now. I can't look at any more formulas or equations or my head is gonna burst," Kat states with a fed up look and we all glance to her with amused grins. "How about we take a really long break and go to the rollerblading rink a town over and forget about this homework?"

"Do you mean take a break that we actually never come back from?" George questions.

"Yes indeed." Kat answers while stuffing her books into her bag.

"That sounds wonderful to me. I've been spending too much time looking at this bloody table." he comments and we all continue to grin while we stash away our stuff, silently agreeing to her proposition. I'm surprised we all lasted so long since we usually don't have that long of attention spans.

We found the money to get a bus over to Blackpool where we've all been to several times together as well as apart and we got on the bus to make the hour long trip after talking to our parents quick and finding the money for renting skates. I sat by John as Kat stole Addie right away to chat about whatever birds speak about on a hour long bus ride. I kept glancing over to them to see them still talking away and occasionally laughing about something. Addie looks happier during this one hour than I'd seen her the past few days, and I feel guilty about it. While John and I weren't talking about an upcoming gig of ours, a new record being released soon, a new chord we learned from a buddy the other day and mostly music stuff I thought about Addie and what she had to say earlier about what's bothering her. She noted that she's worried about what's going to happen to us now that we won't end up being parents together and linked by a child. _Will we stay together_, I wonder. I just don't know if I can always make her happy.


	8. Chapter 8

The double decker bus finally stopped and after waking George up we piled out onto the busy streets of Blackpool. I walked slow to fall back with Addie and Kat who no longer talk, and Kat runs up to John in front who strides on the sidewalk. I get closer to Addie and I lace my fingers with hers and she looks to me briefly and I smile at her and then she returns it while we walk together.

"It's up here after this turn!" Kat who's been here before with an old boyfriend of hers announces and she pulls out an envelope I look at with a squinting look.

We round the corner and the neon sign for the rink glows before my eyes and I hold the door for us all before returning to Addie who stands in our small crowd at the front. An employee arrives and Kat again takes out that envelope and hands it to him.

"Kat, what about us paying?" I question for not just me, but us all. They have to be wondering about that too.

"You lot don't need to worry about it. I've had these certificates for quite awhile now. They were just waiting to be used up." she answers and we all do a big job of thanking her as the employee rings it up and another arrives to ask our shoe sizes.

After our coming was paid for and we received our white and black skates we tread over to the area with little cubbies to place our jackets, street shoes, the girls purses and all of that while we look forward to enjoying ourselves out on the mostly empty rink that has an awesome disco ball hanging from the ceiling above the circular rink.

"Are ya ready? We can get out there first since these slowpokes aren't done lacing their skates yet." I suggest to Addie who leans over to tie her right skate and then she lifts her head to look at me.

"We heard that, Paul." Kat states and I giggle while standing in front of Ad with my rollerblades on.

"I haven't skated for years." Addie informs while she holds out her hands that I take as I help her up carefully.

"Neither have I. We'll just fall down together." I return and she laughs with a scared look while I put my arm around her tall figure and she drapes hers around my waist as we walk away from the other three who are still tightening their skates and tying them up.

"Paul, please don't let me fall." she almost begs and I stop us when we get to the little opening in the tall wall around the rink.

"I won't." I tell her and I kiss her forehead as I think about how the doctor this morning said that Ads should be cautious about any physical activities in the next week or so.

We step onto the shiny looking wood inside of the rink and we slowly start to skate together as we're a pile of nerves.

"That's not how you skate, ya wimps! You have to go fast. Here, I'll show ya how it's done." John addresses Ads and I as he walks over in his black drainies and a black t shirt.

I laugh as Addie and I lean against the wall while John steps onto the wood floor and Kat follows after him in her jeans and t shirt that has no neck to it. Girls dress quite modestly these days, it kind of just makes us teenage guys more crazy about birds than we already are.

John goes around once with his speedy feet and grabs Kat's hand and they skate together while she laughs and keeps saying how afraid she is of falling.

"John, don't pull me like that! I'm gonna fall and then it's going to be all your fault and I'm going to be so angry with you!" Kat yells at him after a small family left the rink that we've in a way declared our own with our yelling, different speeds, and us being annoying as well as hormonal teenagers.

I smile to myself as I see John and Kat stop in the corner at the far end as Addie and I skate around close to the edge rather slowly. Kat chuckles before John quiets her with a kiss and then he skates away with her calling after him and he makes a circle to go back to her and she grabs his hand. Ah them two. They fight a lot, more than Addie and I do and I'm telling you that we fight quite often, somehow more than them two. They're off and on though and trying to make the other jealous during that off time with talking about a date they had with somebody or how this bloke asked Kat out or how John met some older chick at the pub. Soon after that we're at lunch and John comes over from the college and they're back together and all lovey dovey with the other. Who knows how'll they end up. Now that I think of it, John was telling me the other day about how he's been thinking a lot about an ex of his named Cynthia who he's been on a break from for a few months. I told him that even though Kat won't say it or directly show it that she does really like him and care about him, and that he if is going to go back to Cyn who he has a lengthy history with that he can't drag Kat along. He shouldn't lead her on. I don't have any idea if he took my advice seriously or what he's thinking, it's been a couple of days. Him and Kat seem so inseparable sometimes, but I reckon he's going to get back with Cyn one of these days, and maybe that'll really be the end to him and Kat. I've known Kat ever since Addie and I started dating and John's had something for her all along. I know that he cares about her, but John doesn't treat girls all that well. He had a rough childhood and frankly he doesn't exactly know the best way to treat many people. We all have seen that and we put up with it, because we know that it's just how he is and that if things had turned out differently and if he could act nicer and all of that he probably would. A lot of people just assume that he's an impolite dickhead who likes to pick on people and cause trouble, and yeah that's how he seems, but like any other person he's different when you actually talk to him.

Addie tugs on my hand which brings me out of my thoughts about the two who are set on making lazy rounds around the sizable rink as George and Addie now talk to each other lightly.

Ads and I rollerbladed some more until we got tired and were sick of getting so close to falling and chipping a tooth or spraining something the multiple times we did in that time while the others seemed to be having a blast with their laughing and voices echoing around. Addie went to the girls loo while I sat on one of the benches watching John and Kat goof around as they show smiles and giggle again and again. I wish Addie and I had as much fun as they do, and we've been together for over a year.

We spent the next few hours skating, falling on our bums, laughing and joking with each other but Addie was still being quiet and she didn't talk to me much. Then after our time was up we walked down the street to some restaurant where us three lads paid for everybody's meal and then we hitched a ride on a bus back home. By the time we got back home to Liverpool it was dark and we walked back to my house so they could get their bags with their school stuff. From there George and John decided they're going to walk home just them two and Addie decided to ride home with Kat.

* * *

"Addie, why won't you hear me out?" I call after her after she left the sitting room and I follow her out into the warm May night.

"Paul, I already told you. I have family visiting tomorrow, I can't come over." she shoots back as she walks away from me and I huff loudly and sit on the step outside the front door that I closed since my dad is inside scooping a bowl of ice cream for himself in the kitchen while Mike is at a friends house for the night as its nearing eight, or maybe it already is. I cover my face with my hands as she goes over to Kat who is speaking to John and George before they all leave for the night.

"You two have another fight?" John questions after coming over to me and sitting beside me on the red step.

"Yeah, of course we did. It's all we bloody do." I retort with frustration coming through in my voice.

My hands drop from my cheeks and I comb my hair back as my eyes wander over to Ads and Kat who stand on the sidewalk conversing as they're lit by the streetlamp behind them.

"What was it about this time?"

"I wanted her to come over tomorrow so we could talk and spend time together before the school week 'cause she's barely talked to me today, and ah that damn argument we had earlier. Anyways she said she has cousins coming over or whomever so she can't, and then I said that she doesn't even get along with them so she got mad at me for saying that," I take a short pause to sigh loudly. "I'm so tired of us fighting all of the time. I thought that we had gotten past it." I conclude as I pick up a rock from my foot to toss past the small garden lining the area of green grass.

"You know, I noticed her being all shy and silent today too." he notes while I continue to play with the rocks that are more like pebbles because of their small size that sit next to my shoes at the base of the step.

"Our bickering earlier was because she didn't tell me what was bothering her, and yeah she's a real quiet person who you could call shy, but I've been her boyfriend for the past fourteen months. I thought we were going to get married and have a baby together." I comment and I draw out my exhaling of a breath out of my parted lips as my arms rest on my thighs.

"You two can't go on fighting forever." he makes an obvious point.

"I know."

"Do you think you'll get through it?" he queries and I just give my shoulders a shrug while I stare down at the gray and brown.

"Hey, boys, we're going! See you Monday." Kat announces and I lift my head to see them starting their small trek to the car a few feet away on the curb opposite of mine where George leans against the car playing his guitar.

"Alright." John replies and he gets up and I follow him to the two girls and him and Kat take a moment to speak about something.

"Night, Ad." I nervously state as she had already gotten into the passenger seat of the car and has the window rolled down.

"Bye, Paul." she responds and then puts her hair free of curls or waves into a bun.

"I love you, darling." I tell her and she gulps and devotes her eyes back to me after a second and doesn't say anything.

"John, we have to go or else her parents are gonna freak." Kat objects to John kissing her cheek again and Kat opens the door to the drivers seat.

Us two being the boyfriends wave to them as they pull away from the curb and down the dark, empty road and I watch as they disappear into the black night to their homes a few turns away.

**AN: Hi, everybody! I hope that some of you are liking this story and these chapters! Please leave a review, so I know that somebody is maybe looking forward to the new parts, and also if you have any suggestions let me know about 'em. I'd love to hear from you, thanks!**


	9. Chapter 9

I head in for the night after giving my goodbyes to George and John who shortly left after the girls down the lonely sidewalk. I went to bed late after staying up playing my guitar, mastering a new chord on it and laying on my bed while listening to a few rock and roll records that I tried to find some answers to life in.

My Sunday was as ordinary and boring as they can get really. I slept in, listened to the radio that plays the kind of music I like at its only time in the late morning, had a bowl of cereal for brekky, stayed in my pajamas for a couple of hours and read those last two pages of that novel for school until John appeared at my front door with his guitar slung over his shoulder and asking to visit the park that's down the road and a couple of turns down a few other streets. I took a quick bath, got on my drainies that my dad hates and a shirt with long sleeves and then did my hair before leaving the house with John.

"Have you uh spoke to Addie since last night?" he inquires while we walk next to each other on the cracked and uneven sidewalk with our guitars slung over our shoulders while birds fly around chirping and squirrels scurry around in search of nuts.

"Not really, but I gave her house a ring about an hour ago and her mum answered and said that Addie was busy. It was bull 'cause I knew she must of been awake. I can't believe that now she's avoiding me." I answer and he shakes his head.

"That sucks."

"It definitely does, mate. It definitely does." I comment and we cross the street and then make a right turn as a few cars pass us with older adults in them who give us glares because they think we're Teds.

We talk about a few irrelevant things on the rest of the walk to the park before we arrive there to find it empty and we take a seat at the picnic table near the swings. I swing my guitar back around to have it sit on my lap and John does the same and removes a pick from his pocket. We check our tuning and then play together this song we really like by some rock and roll great that we just recently learned and mastered until we take a break. I sigh and look around the small park with the swing set, lining of trees, metal slide, wooden teeter totter and those things that look like animals you sit on and they move back and forth because of the spring connecting it to the ground. I remember coming here after school or on the weekends with my little brother when it wasn't raining, snowing or sleeting. Those were the good days when having a crush on a girl meant that you found her cute and just chased her at recess. There weren't any girlfriends back then, except for us little runts joking about having one. School wasn't so stressful then too, and the grades didn't matter. Sometimes I wish I was still little like that because I liked school more than I do now, I wasn't facing the responsibility of becoming a father which isn't there now, my mum was still alive and in my life, and the world didn't seem to be on my shoulders like it seems to be sometimes.

"You look deep in thought." John states and I look away from the swing going back and forth lightly because of the slow wind.

"Yeah." I reply and he grins before I speak again.

"I'm surprised you're not hanging out with Kat, you know." I state and he begins to smirk while his cheeks faintly go red.

"She had something going on, I guess too."

"That never stops you though."

"Yeah, you're right. I'll probably see her later." he comments and I nod.

"You two really like each other, huh?" I question and he nods his head up and down.

"Yeah, we do. I've been thinking about Cyn still though. I dunno what to do." he comments and his eyes travel to his guitar and then back to me.

"No, don't look at me. I can't tell you what to do. I suck at advice and look where my relationship is with my girlfriend. She's mad at me for whatever bloody reason it is this time, gosh." I remark and I hold up my hands too and he smirks briefly before his lips go flat.

"You're better with birds than I am." he proposes and I feel as if I can only shrug my shoulders and that's what I do.

"I don't even know what to do about Addie this time. She won't even speak to me and I'm sure we're that we're going to fight again tomorrow," I stop before continuing. "The past few months have been great and we haven't fought surprisingly and we didn't when she was in the hospital either. We both were probably just so shocked and exhausted by all of those feelings to fight." I conclude and I groan while rubbing my temples.

"Well if you'd let George know beforehand we could just go to the fish and chip shop for lunch tomorrow if things don't get better." he suggests and I think for a second.

"Yeah, I'll have to see what happens though, you know?" I reply and he nods while plucking at the new strings on his guitar.

Neither of us say anything for a minute while we just fiddle around with the strings of our guitars while the gray clouds cover up the sun and we both think about things.

"Was it only me, or did you see that blonde bloke checking out Addie yesterday too?" I bring up and he looks back to me.

"You'd have to be blind to have not noticed that." he comments and I nod once.

"Ah I knew it couldn't of been just me. That guy kept on staring at her ass and her chest, even though I had my arm around her and it was obvious that she's my damn girlfriend." I remark and I shake my head at remembering that nasty guy staring at her.

"A lot of guys like to look at Addie, huh?" he queries.

"Yeah, they sure do. It's not just once in awhile, it happens at school and around town. I know she's beautiful, she's downright pretty, but it just gets annoying catching yet another bloke staring at my girlfriend, you know?"

"I definitely know, Paul. I usually sock whoever it is looking at my girl so it won't happen again. You should try that sometime." he suggests jokingly and I shake my head with a small grin.

"Ah, I dunno. I don't need to be losing a tooth or getting a black eye one of these days." I return and we both chuckle.

I had resorted to strumming a chord softly while we probably are thinking of something to say or what new subject to start on as we sit up on the table part with our feet on the bench when John interrupts that rather awkward silence, "She does love you, you know. It doesn't take a damn rocket scientist to figure that one out." he states and I tear my eyes away from the smooth neck of the brown guitar to look at him.

"I sometimes doubt that she does, to tell you the truth."

"Why don't you just talk to her about all of this you're telling me 'bout?" he asks and I shake my head while picking at the old picnic table's peeling white paint.

"'Cause then it'll just start another humongous fight where she's gonna say how I might wanna break up or this or that. She's so bloody self-conscious about her looks, what people say about her and the things that go on between us." I answer his question.

"You'd think that you two would break up like every week." he states and I begin to grin at his words.

"We just about do, but nah that's more you and Kat." I return and I quit it with the paint and he smirks at what I had to say.

"Not to sound rude or anything, ah hell but you can break up with her, you know. You're not forced to stay with her or bound to her by some invisible thing." he notes and I sighs and then bite at the inside of my lip.

"I know that, John, but I don't wanna be a coward just 'cause things are rough."

"There's always a limit, though."

"You're starting to sound like a damn girl, you know that? I can't even believe that thee John Lennon who's always so tough and who likes to avoid talks about feelings is having this conversation with me right now." I break the odd tension between us with my words and amusing grin.

He rolls his eyes and then chuckles before replying, "I'm just trying to help ya, mate. I can go back to telling you to suck it up and stop caring so much about your bloody girlfriend if that's what you want."

"Please do. I appreciate the advise, son, but I think I've gone on too long. I need somebody to tell me to shut up already." I return.

"Alright, now shut your mouth about your girlfriend already. Men don't talk about that bloody feeling shit. They smoke cigarettes and play rock and roll." he tells me with a sly grin and he reaches inside his leather jacket to retrieve his pack of cigs that he removes two filters from and he tosses me one before lighting his that he has between his lips.

"Yes, sir." I reply and then I put the ciggie in my mouth and take the burning match from his fingers to light it and then I move my arm to make it go out.

"Don't be getting smart with me now." John retorts jokingly and we shove each other once kind of hard and he was about to fall off the table when our attention was diverted to a voice coming from the sidewalk several feet away.

"Beating each other up again, are we?" George our younger and lanky mate asks and we quit with the childish shoving and return to our smokes sitting in our mouths.

"Paul started it." John teases and I laugh before taking a drag off my ciggie and blowing the gray smoke into the air as George treads over with his guitar of course, us three carry them all over the place.

"Hey, George. What have ya been up to, mate?" I greet him after he sits down on the end and we all move a little bit to accommodate space for him.

"I dropped by your house just five minutes ago and your dad told me you were here, so here I am. I hope you don't mind me joining you two." he answers and John and I tell him it's fine. I reckon that conversation about John and I's iffy relationships needed to end anyways.

Us three lads talked about the rest of our boring nights, how Mimi yelled at John once again because one of the cats at her house pooped on her bed which we all couldn't stop laughing about. I swear our laughing about that went on for a good ten minutes until we were in tears because John was so happy it happened. Sure he loves Mimi but he won't admit it and they don't get on that well. She's rather strict. Then we practiced one of the songs we're going to play at a gig of ours this Wednesday night after school that we're all looking forward to. Then it started to rain which we all were swearing about because we didn't want our hair to get messed up or our guitars to get wet because then we'd really be doomed and our lives would be in the loo for sure. We booked it back to my house with our jackets kind of wrapped around our guitars and us yelling as well as laughing while we try not to get hit by cars on the road. We piled into my warm house to get dry, have a cup of tea and finish up our random and out of nowhere practice session. It turned into a pretty great afternoon aside from the things John and I spoke about that are still bugging me some.


	10. Chapter 10

Over the next three weeks all Addison and I did was fight, and I mean that's the only thing we did when we were together. We didn't kiss, hug, we hardly talked to each other as two civilized people or have a romantic date together, we certainly didn't have sex or any of those nice and cutesy things you associate with couples, especially teenager ones. I would say something that would piss her off, or I'd do something to tick her off or the other way around. We would fight about the stupidest things and each time one of us would try to get the other to stop yelling and complaining, but the person who was angry was at that point where you can't turn around and their attempt would fail. Somedays we would sit together at lunch with the whole clan somehow together, or she would go sit at another table with Kat and maybe George too while John and I ditched the school setting to get something else to eat instead of the crappy goop the school has for lunch. On some days I wouldn't even be at school because I would decide to sag it off with John to write songs at my house while my dad was away at work. I did that because I knew that by the end of the day Addie and I would've ended up having another fight, so I did what I could to avoid that inevitability. Then she would be angry at me the next day for not being there and all she would do is yell at me about how I should be focusing more on the exams we had and I actually passed them that next week, both to my surprise and I know to hers too even though she didn't admit it because that would of just started another damn row between us. The last two weeks it's been sweet summer even though it's not all that warm with the English sun always hiding and the British showers we can never escape and we've been spending less time together lately. I've been busy with gigs and she's been occupied with her job babysitting for some family of hers, so our time together has been rather limited but maybe it's for the better. At least I think so because things are okay for the first five minutes we're together and then the arguing and disagreeing starts. I try to not fight with her, but every time we end up bickering about something or other. I'm tired of it and I know she is too.

Now it's the last week of June and oddly we've only fought twice this week and we've been together almost every day this week except for Monday when she had to babysit half of the day and I was up at a family get together. It's almost weird now because we haven't fought since Tuesday and now it's Saturday. She's over at my house while her mum is spending the day with her two older sister, she has an older brother too.

* * *

I turn over in my bed and rub my eyes while yawning and I open my eyes to be almost blinded by the strong sun coming in through my only bedroom window to my right. We've been having some unusually warm and sunny weather the past few days. Us pale, vitamin D deprived Brits have been loving it. I open my eyes wider to see my blonde girlfriend laying beside me on my small bed and she moves in her sleep and I comb her hair off of her cheek. It's three in the afternoon right now and she's been over since eight which woke me up and got me out of bed since I sleep in awfully late, and her reason was because her and her mum got into a bad row. She didn't want to be there and I completely understood. She's told me about their fights numerous times and she's came over here when they got really bad. You wouldn't think so at first when you saw her and her mum just on the street that they have a troubled relationship, but her mum just isn't all that good to her. Addie has always thought that she likes her three older siblings better because they're Judy's biological kids, which isn't the the case with Ads since she was adopted. I at first didn't agree with her on that, but after witnessing how rude she can be to her daughter and how she would come home from the store with new clothes or something nice for her three kids who two of them used to live in the house as of when Ad and I first got together, Addie would always get some crappy gift when the others got really nice things. Addie has spent a lot of time at my house over the past fifteen months of our relationship because of how her mum is, but I haven't minded of course. Luckily the stuff going on between Ads and her mother hasn't been all that horrible and with Addie wanting to move out as soon as she can I don't know if it's going to get better, worse or just stop. You'd think it'd get better, but some things can surprise you. Hell some people can surprise you sometimes.

I'm brought out of my thoughts when Addie wakes up with a yawn and she combs a hand through her hair that reaches to her shoulders and I smile at her once her eyes open.

"Hi." I greet her before I move over to kiss her on the lips and she smiles after I move away.

"Oh hi." she replies while rubbing her tired eyes and she scratches her shoulder through her shirt.

I yawn and put my hands behind my head and stare up at the white ceiling while the sun shines on us both and she moves over to plant her head on my shoulder and I sling my arm around her to have it rest on her back.

"I'm happy we aren't fighting anymore." I tell her and she sighs while I look around my familiar room once before my eyes fall on her and she glances up at me.

"I am too." she returns and she lifts her head and kisses me on the mouth, and my hand moves to her cheek while we slowly kiss for a minute and then she pulls away and her hand goes to my cheek.

"I love you, Paul."

"And I love you, Ads." I reply and we both smile before she pecks me and she supports herself with her elbow while my arms are laced around her waist.

Her hand moves to her neck where she plays with her necklace that she told me long ago that her father gave to her, whom she was very close to. She always went to him when she was feeling down about something her mum said or something her older brother who is just a plain ass said to her. He was always there for her until he died a couple years ago. I've seen how losing him has been really hard on her. I suppose we've bonded over having lost a parent unexpectedly around the same age.

"Do you ever think about the baby anymore?" she asks quietly while she stares at her necklace.

"Yeah, sure I do." I answer and then her eyes flit back to me.

"I was thinking the other day about if the baby was a girl or a boy. It just about bugs me to not know." she comments and I nod.

She sighs and lays her head back on my shoulder and I glance to my closet where I had a few of the baby things we had gotten from family as well as friends. At the end of the summer we finally got the baby things out of our closets and did away with them by packing them up in a box and giving them to some shop in town where if it sells you can get money for it. We got some okay money out of it but we didn't even have that many things anyways and we intended to give it to our parents who bought the things, but they both told us to keep it for college or to save.

I remember when Addie had just hit the three month mark and I was at this clothing store. I had stumbled into the baby section and I couldn't resist to buy this little pair of one pink and one blue elephants for the son or daughter I was going to have. I stowed it away in my closet and when we went to gather up the things I couldn't find it. They must of used those fake legs and walked away.

"I know how you feel, love." I tell her while I look down my nose at her blonde head and I stroke her hair with my fingers.

"It's just weird."

"Yeah, it is." I agree with her while she peers around the room and I now run my fingers up and down her back.

"Things would be so different if the baby would still be coming in November. It would of changed everything."

"Yeah, our futures would of been something else entirely." I agree with her and she raises her head to look me in the eyes.

"Do you think we would be getting along better if things had turned out differently?" she queries, avoiding the term 'miscarriage' because although we're talking about it right now it's still rather sensitive for her to talk about. I'm surprised she's brought it up because it's came into our fights and I know she tries it avoid it if she can.

"Do you want me to be honest?"

"Yes." she responds and I swallow before answering.

"I don't think it would be any better, to tell you the truth. With what they say about pregnant women having crazy hormones, we'd probably be getting into it just as much because you would be hormonal as well as tired and moody. Plus we both would be stressed out about money, having enough things to raise the baby, finding a place and getting married." I answer her question with no lie to it and she nods her head up and down.

"That's what I thought too." she adds on and I kiss her cheek which makes her smile for a second before it fades and then we decide to go downstairs to make pb and j sandwiches and have a glass of milk while watching the telly.

Things continue to go well for us during the next week until the end of July's first week. I wish that I could say that the fighting disappeared altogether and that we went to the same college together, we continued to have a happy dating relationship and that we ended up as high school sweethearts who got married the next year, but I can't. Just as that warm front came to Liverpool that last week of June and lasted until the beginning of the second week of July until the cold front came in, that's what happened with Addie and I. We were happy, in-love, spending the moments we could with each other as we shared kisses, hugs and smiles along the way until something just snapped and then we were back in the hole again with us fighting every single day about either something lousy, me taking a second look at a bird, her flirting with some bloke who commented on the short dress she wore or me being late to plans we foolishly made when we can't stop bickering. I hate to say it and to possibly jinx it too, but this time I don't see another warm front coming in for Addison and I. I don't see us making it out of this, in all honest.

**AN: Thoughts...?**


	11. Chapter 11

I spent more time with John, George, the bands drummer and the others in the Quarrymen, our band, for the rest of the summer until we finally landed a contract to travel to Hamburg, Germany where we plan to stay for quite awhile. I mentioned it to Addie briefly today out of nowhere, like how people tell you to do out of the blue so the person won't get so mad when you actually do the telling part of saying it to them. Yeah that's turning out great for me since that just sparked another row between her and I about fidelity and what she's supposed to do while I'm gone.

"It's not like you have to wait for me, Ads." I tell her as we stand on the sidewalk outside her house on this early August morning a week before I'm due to leave the country.

"Paul, you said you don't even know when you're going to be back! That sounds a lot like waiting to me." she tries to correct me and I groan and push my hair back. By now we're well into this fight, I just want it to be done.

"You said you were gonna go to school to be a kindergarten teacher or a piano player majoring in music theory or whatever, so you have that, Ads."

"Are you going to write?" she asks and I huff.

"Of course I am. I'll try to call if I get the chance too." I answer and she crosses her arms over her chest and shakes her head for some reason.

"How long do you reckon you'll be away?" she asks with a soft, sad look.

"Maybe a few months." I respond quietly.

She replied without yelling about something nice and then we got into talking about sending packages if we can, ringing the other and how much we're gonna miss the other and our visit ended on a good note. Unfortunately I can't say that our next few ones up to my leaving did though. I wished and wished to have those days back where we cuddled and spoke to each other without screaming at the other and with those nice kisses in between, but the definite opposite of those are happening before my eyes. The worst thing is that there's nothing I can do about us being the way we are. If I avoid her and the fighting then it will only make it worse, and then if I show up with the intention to spend time with her we'll end up in some argument anyways. I used to show up to a dinner date, swinging at the park together, her coming to a gig of ours or anytime we saw each other with that hope that we'd end up in the others arms in a hug or snuggling at the end of the day, but by now I don't have any hope left that we won't fight today or that this relationship will survive.

* * *

It was not even five minutes ago that I finished packing my bags and came over to Addie's house as its quarter to noon to say goodbye to her. I wasn't even going to tell her bye in the first place because we got into a horrible row last night after she had dinner at my house, when we were on a walk together. Now most of our fights are petty and you could never consider them bad, but they've been getting worse lately and the one last night must've been our worst yet. Hence why I was going to leave without telling her bye, as bad as it may sound to do that, I know.

"Holy crap, Addie! I came over here to say goodbye to you, because I'm leaving in fifteen bloody minutes to be gone for I don't even know how long. I didn't want to pick another damn fight with you. Can't we just kiss and say goodbye?" I just break, having another fight with her that must be the trillionth we've ever had and the tenth this week is the last drop to my bucket that just now overflowed. _I'm fed up_ is an understatement for my current situation.

"You're the one who picked the fight, Paul!" she shoots back and I don't even hide my groaning now at this point.

"No, I didn't, Addie! It may be a surprise, but I don't come over to your house with it in my mind that today I'm gonna start a fight with my girlfriend of way over a year." I retort and we both huff loudly and the silence is shocking to me because usually we're interrupting the other and cutting 'em off.

I exhale through my parted lips before walking over to her where she stands on the grass near the stop sign on the sidewalk.

"Ads."

"Paul, please don't-." she starts to object before I place a hand on the side of her head to hold and then I go in for our first kiss in probably two weeks, but of course it doesn't last long because she pushes me away.

"Don't." she objects and my arms drop to my sides.

"I'm trying here, Addie. I'm trying to get along with you and to love you, but you make it very difficult sometimes. I hope you know that." I inform her and she looks away for a second before replying.

"What are you trying to say? Do you want to break up?" she assumes neither correctly or wrongly.

"I don't know, Ad. This time I really don't."

"Do you even want to be together anymore?" she inquires with dipped eyebrows and I shrug my shoulders.

"If this fighting is going to stop then no, I guess not. But I can't do this anymore, Addison," I take a pause before continuing. "I can't keep on being in this relationship when we don't even love each other anymore or we don't show it. I don't know how either of us have made it this far without ending it. I'm fed up with us yelling at each other any chance we get about downright stupid things and things that we could figure out. I hate that we let it get this far." I conclude and I wait there for a few minutes to see if she says anything and then John and the others come down the street in the van to pick me up so we can leave.

I look to Addie who looks around with a blank look as her arms are still over her chest in that defensive looking way and she won't meet my eyes or say a thing. I take off after waving to her and I leave her there without a goodbye or a nice hug I was secretly hoping to get from her before I left. I feel terrible to leave her like that and just to leave her at all with how things are between us, but you don't always get what you want in life.

* * *

And so we went to Hamburg and spent a good part of our summer and part of the fall there improving our act and playing on stage in front of drunken men and women until well into the morning with getting little sleep in between. We found ourselves to be awfully comfortable up there on stage in the spotlight. We swore on stage. We ate on stage. We drank on stage. We spoke to the others on stage. We cracked jokes on stage that we laughed loudly at. I was one of the more sophisticated and well mannered of us lads I suppose you could say, but I had my moments too. We met some lovely people there; a few friends, we got on well with the barkeep and we met some hookers and women of that sort too. Now I admit that I didn't stay faithful to Addie while over in this exotic country, but I saw it as being alright with how things were left between Addie and I. Also I was thinking that she probably didn't stay loyal and maybe has had a night with some bloke. Yeah I know that there's no room for any excuses, but I'm eighteen, and I just graduated from high school and I'm in this new country where I'm by the red light district where women are flocking about and stranding in the windows with little clothes on. I was set loose in this big, new country with money in me pocket and a new sense of things. We all succumb to the temptations, I haven't been the only one to ever take advantage of my surroundings.

Now about Addie, we didn't not talk to each other while I was gone. She wrote me first after probably getting the address from my dad back home, and I wrote her back which struck up a little affair of us writing letters to each other not all that often and talking about little things. We tried to talk things out, but it's hard to do that kind of thing when you're so far away and you can't see the other person's face or hear their voice. I found that we didn't have much to talk about, and that the letters stopped coming as frequently which I didn't mind so much because I was so busy playing the long gigs with the band. I felt guilty a little bit though, about cheating on her, but us lads have had a few bevvies after our late shows and with the Prellies we've been taking to stay awake they weren't the best combo you could say, especially for a young lad like myself. In the letters Addie and I talked about our struggling relationship and what else there is to do to try and save it, and she mentioned how she's met this bloke named Hank back home who I recognized after she mentioned his last name, and how she's been on a friendly date for burgers with him, and how they're getting along really well. I replied that I've met a nice few birds here, because I didn't want to be sitting there looking like some dork saying that I haven't met anybody, because I certainly have and well that's just how us men are. We don't like being embarrassed, especially in the romance department. But during those letters when we got to the touchy topic of our relationship and how we've been innocently seeing other people, we never said that we're done or that we want to break up. I've thought it of course and I know that she has, but perhaps we're both afraid to say it and have this thing we have together be done. I don't want to seem like some bastard breaking up with her after what happened with the baby, which is the damn truth. I don't know what her reason is or would be, but I know that us both, maybe just a little, are scared as to what it means when we're actually done. We've been together for well over a year now. It's been our norm. We couldn't really see each other anymore after we were to split. We would have to give things back, like a plaid button down she has of mine and a piano book I have of hers i've never able to read but still love to flip through. I thought about her and us during the long trip in Hamburg and even on the ride back I wasn't one hundred percent sure what I was going to do.

* * *

Yesterday Pete our drummer and I arrived home after having gotten deported because of some childish prank of ours and George before us for being underage while John is still lingering there unsure of what he's going to do as our bassist Stu we reckon is going to stay with his German girlfriend, and so we spent the day catching up on sleep, stuffing our mouths with food and hanging out with family who are sticking to us with hugs and questions about our stay. I reminisced to my family about some stuff that went on. I left a few bits out, slipped a little white lie in here or there or just forgot a story altogether when my dad and Mike pried for questions the next morning at the breakfast table.

"Addie called last night after dinner, son. She was asking for you and I told her that you would ring her when you got the chance to get some rest and back on your feet." my dad informs me after breakfast as I scrape the last bites of a sausage and biscuit into the trash after having finished my large breakfast my father prepared because of my homecoming.

"Alright, dad. Ta." I thank him as I place my plate in the sink and he grins before walking out of the room. He wants me to do the right thing, I know, but this is my life I'm living here.

I think of ringing her just to hear her buttery voice I've missed hearing utter my name this late morning, but I resist and instead go to take a long bath before getting on the only pair of clean clothes I can seem to find while, my leathers are in the wash, which are some old drainies and a gray button down. I did my hair and grabbed a coat before telling my dad where I'm headed off to and leaving the house to face the early December cold coating the streets of Liverpool as I walk to Addie's house.

**AN: Are any of you readers liking this story? I sure hope so!**


	12. Chapter 12

I round a few corners, waved to a few neighbors and friends on my way over to her small house before I knock on her front door and her mum was the one who came to her door. Trust me I've really tried to like her mother, but when the mother of your own girlfriend has repeatedly treated the girl you're with like a bag of nails she gets on your nerves after awhile. Sure I have respect for the woman who has raised her children the past few years on her own, but I think she could and could've been a better mother alright.

"Paul. Oh hi." Addie states when she walks up to the tall door in a pink sweater and long pants and I smile.

"Hi, love. How have ya been?" I return as she holds open the door for me and I slip off my shoes that are covered with wet snow on the bottom and she kindly takes my jacket.

"I've been alright. How about you?"

"I'm pretty good now that I've gotten some sleep and eaten. I'm sorry I didn't answer the phone yesterday. My dad and brother wouldn't leave me for a minute after I had gotten home and I was so drained after the trip." I apologize as we walk into the front of her house and I follow her to the left where the staircase is and we head up the carpeted steps and to her bedroom at the end of the hall that smells like her flowery perfume.

"Oh it's okay, it's understandable." she answers and she stops her feet to stand in front of me and she randomly throws her arms around me and rests her head on my chest.

"I missed you." she mumbles and my arms fall around her to rest on her back and I sigh at being content hugging her. It feels better than I thought it would.

"I missed you too, darling." I reply and I kiss her soft hair before tilting my head to rest on hers while our arms are around each other snugly and we stand here hugging for a minute.

We part and share small smiles and then she sits at the head of her bed and I wander over to sit on the edge of its end and I glance around her familiar room that isn't leaking with any certain color. Addie has always been quite the opposite of a girly girl, not necessarily a tomboy, but she's different. It's quite contradicting because Ads doesn't dress all that different compared to other girls our age, but she is different from them with her personality and her bedroom easily shows that. She has a small black piano against one of the walls that her father found at a thrift store before he passed and he bought it for her birthday and had it put in her room. She has a dresser for clothes that has lotion, perfume, little things, pictures and a lamp on its top and then she has a closet with a few more clothes and boxes of books and old keepsakes inside. Addison is simple and likes things organized and she's always gotten mad at me when I take something out of its place. I've always thought it to be funny actually.

I glance to the small calendar above her bed where she notes things and I notice how two days ago it says something about going to lunch with Hank.

"About this Hank bloke, what's he like?" I ask after a minute and she looks up from her blanket to meet my eyes.

"Paul-." she begins to protest.

"I just wanna know what kind of guy is hanging out with girlfriend, Ad." I interrupt her and it's almost weird to remember that we're certainly still dating because the past few months have seemed like we haven't.

"He's a really nice guy," she begins and I nod as I process this. "He plays piano too and he's really big about going to church and being a good person."

"Ah, so he's a bible thumper?" I tease and she sighs and shakes her head.

"Say what you want, Paul. But I like him and he really is kind and a good guy." she retorts not all that harsh and I nod my head and glance away from her brown eyes for a minute to the window to her right where the drapes are open and I see the tall tree out of the pane that I've climbed a couple of times to see her when she was sick, grounded or late at night when I wasn't supposed to be here any longer.

"Paul, things just aren't the same between us anymore. You've changed and so have I..." she trails off and I tear my eyes away from the barren tree that has lost it's leaves to look at her and she sighs before meeting my gaze. "I think that the best thing would be for us to break up and see each other people." she concludes with boldness coming from her ever so decisive words. I wasn't expecting to hear it from her, but maybe I'm even relieved she did it for us.

"Yeah?" I ask and she nods her pretty blonde head once with a friendly smile on her pink lips that I confess I've missed kissing, tracing and watching move with every word she utters from in between to me.

"Yeah, Paul." she answers in words softly and I huff as I now pick at the loose button on my cuff.

"I think it's what's best for us too, so thanks for saying what I couldn't say, Addie." I tell her nervously and she just nods her head a few times again with that kind grin. I just take a silent minute to soak this in before getting up from the springy bed and saying goodbye to her.

I leave for downstairs by myself without her escorting me down the staircase to the door and out onto the front stoop like she's done almost every single time I've visited her here from after a day at school, the end of a Sunday spending it with her, when I've been over for dinner or any of the more than several times I've been in and out of the all too familiar house that I'm now leaving for the very last time. I grab my coat and slip on my shoes and then open the door to walk in the fresh English snow back to my house to take up my time with my guitar for the afternoon before meeting George at his house where we catch up and play a couple of songs together on this cold, snowy and rather lonely early December day.

There's just some things in life that no matter how long you expect for them to happen and the anticipation you have for the pain and trouble they're gonna cause you, they still hit you just as hard and suck just as much. I knew that something fateful was going to happen when I went over to Addie's that day, and I admit that I went there with the intentions of breaking it off with her. I'll be honest, I did but she took me off guard doing the breaking up between us. It was more mutual than anything, I think anyways but still us breaking up went around the town and I got crap for being the dumpee and she got props for being the courageous dumper. I went on with my life being an aspiring professional music and she went on with hers being wanting to be a well known pianist. I never forgot about her and maybe she forgot about me, or thought about me a lot, but I know for a fact that all of the feelings and memories were brought back up to the surface for her and I seven years later when we ran into each other in London that summer. I was just about to say where it was, but I can't cheat you on the story, now can I? I bet you'd like that, but it's better when you hear the story first hand rather than getting fed the juicy details in some fast recap.

* * *

It was a sweaty summer day in late June, a week after I had celebrated my twenty fifth birthday. The Beatles latest album hit the charts earlier in the month and with the great reviews its already getting things couldn't be going any better for us I don't think with how they're looking now. I find myself to be in the mood for a plate of hotcakes so I stop at a nearby pancake house here in London and I get a stack of three for my late dinner before heading back over to the studio for the taping of 'Our World' which is going to be a big thing for us and all of the friends attending. The nice waitress had just dropped off the basket of syrups for me when I see a flash of blonde hair across the room and I take a second look only to be caught off guard by what I see. I faintly hear the buttery voice coming from that side of the room and the sarcastic tone of the brunette sitting across from the blonde in the red booth as they lean over their empty plates while talking. I swallow my silky pancakes before having to pull my eyes away from the still surprising scene happening numerous feet away from me. It's odd because I was just thinking about her the other day and now here she is within my reach, but somehow out of my reach at the same exact time. I take a sip from my cup of coffee that I notice to be more stronger than I'd like, so I get up from my small, one person kind of table to walk over to the little table near the garbage that has the creamer and sugar. I grab a few packets of the sugar before returning to my seat to add the packets to my light brown coffee and I glance over to the two women who I spot staring at me. I go out on a whim and I wave at them and they smile and wave back at me before dishing out a few bills to lay on the table next to their empty plates and I sigh. I was secretly hoping that I'd get the chance to speak with them, well with one of them, but now they look to be eating.

"Hey there, big shot." Kat states as they walk up and they both pull chairs from a nearby table that is empty and I grin.

"Hi, Katie." I tease as they both sit down while I stir my coffee.

"Ugh, please don't call me that. I hate my given name." she replies and I laugh at her words with Addison.

"Hey, Addie. How have you been, love?" I greet the other lady who I haven't seen for almost ten years and yet who I know so well.

"I've been pretty good, thanks. How about yourself, Paul?" she answers with a friendly smile that is so familiar and I grin as I share eye contact with the blonde whose hair is longer now seven years later and she looks older, but certainly not in a bad way.

"I'm pretty great. What are you two girls up to?" I answer and I look back to my coffee that I raise to my lips to drink from and then I glance to my half eaten plate of buttery pancakes.

"Oh just out for dinner together on our day off. The same with you?" Kat asks and I cut myself a bite of pancakes that I chew quickly and then swallow.

"Uh not really. I'm just eating before returning to the studio. Day off, ya say? What are your jobs?" I respond and I look to Kat this time who still sports the short brown hair and I see that her clothes still have a little bit of spunk in them.

"Well I'm a music teacher at a nearby elementary school and Kat here is a stay at home mum." Addie answers my question for the both of them and my jaw just about drops.

"Kat, you a mum? No!" I exclaim in disbelief and everybody but Kat herself laughs.

"Yeah I know how hard it is to believe me taking care of little kids, or having been pregnant, but I got knocked up a couple of years ago and now I'm stuck with the kids and their father." she explains for me with a smirk and I nod my head while I eat more of the soggy cakes.

"Ah so ya got married? Who is he?"

"His name is Keith, and he's from here. We got hitched shortly after the triplets were born." she answers and my eyes grow wide.

"Triplets?" I ask and she nods with a soft laugh.

"Mmhmm, two girls and a boy."

"Wow. You must have your hands full with them. How old are they?" I question.

"Three and naughtier than ever."

"Well you are their mother after all, Kat." I tease her and I softly laugh as I drink from my coffee and then I sigh slowly as I find myself nervous around Addie for some reason.

"Yeah, but Addie here says that them being so cute makes them seem more innocent." Kat insists and I glance to her blonde best friend who sits on my left the closest to me.

"Well Ads has always seen the best in people, but I bet she's right. They're probably awfully adorable," I then take a pause. "But why did you two move down here and not stay in Liverpool?"

"My teaching job I've had for a few years." Addie voices her answer.

"'Cause I got knocked up with Keith's kids." Kat responds without a smirk and I think of how John left her shortly after Ad and I broke up to finally return to Cyn who he married a couple of years ago and had a son with. Seven years surely has changed all of us in many ways, maybe all good.


	13. Chapter 13

"So what about you, Paul? What else have you been up to other than being a famous celebrity?" Addie teases and then Kat excuses herself to the bathroom and I notice her gold wedding band.

"Basically just that, Addie." I answer her and I push my plate of pancakes away from myself after finishing another bite and we both smile at the other and I glance to her ringless left hand.

"You haven't met anybody and got married?" I query and she shakes her head and then asks me if I have.

"No I haven't. I've dated, you know, but I haven't settled down yet." I offer my story.

"Yup, same here with me." she responds and I push the cuff of my button down up my arm to look at my watch that is nearing ten after nine and I realize that I really need to get going and then I look back to Addie and I smile because it really is great to see her. I don't want to leave her right this minute, but I have to. Or do I?

"Hey, Ads. Would you happen to have any plans for the rest of the night?" I question while I fish out my wallet from my pocket and I raise my arm to flag down the waitress for my bill who says she'll be back in a minute with it.

"Not if you consider watching telly all alone by myself while eating junk food then no. Why do you ask?" she replies with her natural laugh, one that I've missed going in and out of my ears these past seven years.

"Good, 'cause I was wondering if you would maybe want to leave this place and go to Abbey Road studios with me? It's where the band records and you can sit in on this taping of a performance we're doing. My girlfriend, well ex girlfriend since we broke up weeks ago, was supposed to come along but that's out of the bag and plus its a big affair anyways with tons of our friends so it'll be a fun time. What'd you say? You better say yes." I propose and she purses her thin lips for a second before the pink lines part for her to speak her answer.

"I don't know, Paul. The clothes I'm wearing aren't even that nice." she seems to decline and I sigh but don't lose my courage. I'm not letting her get away from me a second time so easily.

"We can stop by your place quick so you can change. We just have to be there as soon as we can." I suggest to her and her shoulders fall as she exhales a breath and the waitress then drops off my check which I pay quickly and set aside with a tip inside for her to pick up.

"Alright, I'll come. It sounds fun actually, but I have to say goodbye to Kat first." she finally gives in and I smile big.

"Yeah, of course." I respond and I grin big to myself at her answer, but I hide my sheer excitement at her agreeing to come. Maybe we're getting a second chance together here, just possibly.

"What do you have to tell me, Addie?" Kat asks as she walks up and she gets up from her chair and I stand up as well and I stow my wallet back in my pocket.

"I have to get going, Kat. Paul invited me somewhere and I have to change before we leave. We're in a bit of a crunch for time actually." I watch as Addie explains this to Kat who I can tell doesn't mind.

"Oh well that's okay. I have to be heading home to spend time with Keith who was nice enough to take the kids for tonight. It was nice seeing the both of you. I'll ring you in the next few days, Ad, and maybe I'll see you around, Paul. You know, you should definitely buy me a house. Okay, mate?" she jokes as she walks off and I shake my head with a laugh as she leaves and I look back to Addison who turns her head to look at me. She somehow has grown more pretty, I notice.

"Have those kids of hers and her husband grown on her? 'Cause she's much more nice than I remember." I joke as we walk around the tables sitting customers and people who are coming in and she giggles before answering.

"They must have, because she is much more softer than she's been," Ads takes a pause as we step out of the restaurant into the black night and I start to tread along beside her kind of close because it's London and because it's nine o'clock at night. "She really does like being a mum and she's really good with the three kids though." she finishes and we find my car sitting on the curb all by itself where I left it half an hour ago after I had decided what my dinner was going to be and we slide in.

I start the car and she finds the radio dial to find a nice station and a song by Jimi Hendrix comes on and that's what we listened to on the very short car ride to her small flat a dozen blocks away.

"Yeah it's that one. Okay I'll just be a few minutes." Addie states as I drive slowly down this street and I pull over to the side in front of the white apartment building she had pointed to and I nod my head with a smile before she hops out of the car.

I tap my foot on the cars carpeted floor while Jimi's insane guitar playing for another song fills the car as I wait during this dark night and I keep glancing to my watch that is nearing closer and closer to twenty after nine which is when I need to be back at the studio. Soon enough Addie comes dashing out the front door that's a pristine white in a red dress that reaches past her knees which psychedelic designs in gold, pink, yellow and all of the other colors of the rainbow on the part of it I can see. I see that the dress buttons up and is long sleeved and then I notice her pink scarf that's flowing and covered with paisleys different sizes all over.

"That looks nice." I compliment her once she gets back in the car and buckles her seat belt and she turns to me with a smile playing across her lips.

"Thanks." she replies and I smile before getting back onto the empty road to drive the shortish distance to the studios where it's just about dead out front and in the parking lot besides a dozen or so cars.

I park and shove my ring of keys into my dress pants pockets and she hurries along beside me to inside and she follows on my tail as I make a few turns and then we arrive at the studio. We bound down the stairs to hear clinking of glasses, laughter and voices from the three mates and our well known friends. There wasn't any time for the lads to reminisce and catch up with Addie who I saw from their facial expressions are both happy and surprised to see. We got to tuning our instruments quickly to make sure they're fit for us to play before we got up on our stools and Addie trailed behind me and then took a seat at my feet. I flash her a smile before looking away to my Rickenbacker bass and then I count off for us to start after the camera guy did his counting. I glanced to Addie a few times who sits on her legs patiently with a content smile plastered on her lips all while we played and sang along with the camera taping us and our friends by our sides who eventfully joined in to sing with us four.

* * *

"You lads did a fantastic job." Addie comments as I set my bass on it's stand while people are mingling around and sharing drinks afterwards.

"Ta. Do you wanna get something to drink?" I suggest and she nods her blonde head a little before I walk her over to the table littered with liquor bottles as well as Coke, Pepsi and 7UP bottles and we both pour our own.

"I'm happy you came tonight." I tell her as we stand across from each other a little bit away from the group with our glasses in hand and she smiles before the alcoholic drink meets her soft lips.

"I am too. Thanks for inviting me."

"You're welcome. You're great company, Ads." I reply and she looks up to have her eyes fall upon mine and I smile at her briefly and she returns it before we work on our bevvies.

People have a few drinks and chat with others before they start to file on out, but Ads and I stayed to play on the piano and we decided to show each other things.

"So a music teacher, huh? It seems to be the perfect thing for you, love." I comment as I sit beside her with my half gone drink sitting on my knee with my hand holding it as her long, tan fingers run along the white keys with little effort as if its instinctive, but for Addie and myself it is by all means.

"That's what I've always thought, and I love it. It pays good and the kids are really sweet. You seemed to have landed the ideal job too." she replies and her small hands leave the ivory keys and so I set my drink on the top of the piano and my fingers fall upon the smooth, familiar keys that I know so well.

"I guess you could say that. I'm really enjoying it though, Ad. It's more than I ever could of wished for. It's my life, it's always been my life." I now speak about my job and I glance to her and she nods her head slowly with an almost hurt look and I sigh and stop playing. I realize after I had said it how even in words I'm putting my job so high and it being such a priority, which is the truth.

"You've always been so crazy about music, Paul." she remarks softly and she looks away while staring into her drink that's a mix of soda and liquor like mine and I suddenly miss the hustle and bustle of voices from other people, but now it's just us.

"Do you ever feel like things were left unsaid between us?" she asks into the thin air after a short minute that went by as I looked around the sizable room I've come to know very well these past five years.

"Sure I do. We broke up out of the blue, Ad."

"We both knew it was coming and that it had to be done, Paul." she makes a good point and I nod as I plunk a single key at a time with one finger and then I stop.

"We had been growing apart for awhile and we were becoming different people who wanted different things in life. It was just destined to happen." she notes aloud quietly.

"You know, I've thought once or twice these past seven years what it would be like if we had become a family together and had kids of our own. Or how things would be if we hadn't broken up when we did." I reveal to her as I pick at the rotting leather on the pianos bench.

"We were miserable, Paul. We would of broken up sooner or later, we both know that." she responds and I nod to myself.

"That doesn't change that I still thought about us, and missed us. Didn't you ever miss what we had, Addie?" I now turn my body to her and she lifts her head to look me in the eyes.

"Of course I have, Paul." she answers and I look to her drink sitting across from me. She has more of hers than I do in my glass.

"Then you must agree with me on this. We had something, Addie. We had a great relationship regardless of what happened with the baby and those months afterwards when we fought. We made each other laugh and smile, and hell we loved each other. We fell in love, Ad." I state as I look in her brown eyes the color of coffee grounds and her lips the color of pink roses, oh how delicate they are.

"What are you trying to get at, Paul?" she inquires and I sigh before giving her my answer.

"What I'm trying to say is why don't we give it another chance?"

"I-." she begins but I don't even let her get a second word in.

"What have we got to lose, Addison?" I add on and she tucks a piece of her blonde hair behind her ear that reaches past her small shoulders and down her average chest and then I look back to her oval face that is so exquisite with her deep eyes, her kind look and all of the things that make her gorgeous.

She stays silent while I sit there looking at her as I wait for her lips and buttery voice to answer my question that I had decided on the minute we walked out of the pancake house. I sigh as I suffer through these nerves about what she could say. What's the worst thing she could say? She could say no, and that's like the end of the world for me if she was to. I take the matter into my own hands, like literally and I move closer to her and lean in to cradle her warm, blushing cheek with my hand and I press my lips to hers without permission or question. She kisses me back undoubtedly and I feel her lips against mine move once or twice before she gently pulls away and moves out of the kiss that felt so fresh and new since I haven't kissed those sweet lips of hers for almost a decade.

"Paul, I can't. I'm sorry." she utters the answer I was beginning to think she was leaning away from and my hand falls from her non smiling face and I sit back up straight. Addie has always been the girl, the person, the one out of us two who gets to utter the decision making words. Oh how I wish the choice fell into my nervous hands for once.


	14. Chapter 14

I look around and then back to her and then to the simple piano keys we were just playing on with smiles on our lips and then back to her solemn face.

"You can't just give us a chance?" I ask her almost desperately after a moment of thinking and processing what she just had to say.

"I don't want to fall back into a relationship where all we would do is fight, again." she responds and I focus on her troubled look. I know how much she dislikes fighting because of how much her parents did it before her father passed, which she told me about in those moments where we shared personal things with each other.

"We won't fight constantly again, Addie. I promise. We can work things out and be happy again. Please, can't we just try?" I ask her again and she shakes her head while now looking slightly sad, but she does something to my complete surprise.

Her hand goes to my cheek and she closes the immeasurable space between us with her thin lips that meet mine in a peck of a kiss that I was not ready for in the least. It lasted only a second and then she pulled away, acting like it was some friendly kiss.

"I had fun tonight with you, as short as it was, but I still did. Thanks for letting me come along. It was nice to see you and to catch up with each other. I'm gonna call a cab. Goodnight, Paul." she bids without her hand sitting on my cheek this time.

"Addie, please don't do this." I just about plea to her but she swings her legs around to get out and she stands up and grabs her clutch of a purse from the top of the piano where she had left it.

"I have to, Paul. I'm sorry, but I have to." she responds oddly and then she leaves up those stairs and I'm left all alone by myself sitting in front of the piano with the floor that's covered with streamers, confetti, candy wrappers and posters with painted sayings while I'm consumed by my thoughts.

I sigh and put my head in my hands before grabbing my drink to finish off and I push the cover down over the white piano keys both of our hands were just touching at the same time and also separately when we were smiling and before I foolishly ruined the happy mood by asking her something I couldn't and can't give up on. I was walking over to the pile of liquor for another drink that I was gonna down in one go when a pink fabric caught my eye and looked over to see the paisley scarf Addie was wearing when we got here earlier, one she must of left behind. I pour myself a strong shot that I down before I grab my jacket I had left here earlier and her scarf and I go up the stairs to get the light and leave so I can get the hell out of here so I can go home and drink until I fall asleep.

* * *

The next day I head back over to the studio in the afternoon as I still had a bit of a hangover from drinking my troubles away with the bottle of Scotch and we worked on the mixing of our new song 'All you need is love' that was the one we played yesterday and ended up taping. After we finished the shortish session I got back in my car and I looked to the passenger seat to see that long, pink scarf that Addie had left behind last night. Gosh I miss her, I realize right in the moment as her soothing voice and bright smile come to mind. I pick up the scarf to hold and wrap around my hand and I suddenly get a whiff of her perfume coming from the scarf. It's smell flowery and like roses. Just how Addie has always smelled. I look to my watch sitting on my wrist and I decide to go pick up some fish and chips as my late dinner and then I start on my way over to those apartment buildings where I had just stopped over to yesterday. I nervously drive over there and I park my car on the dark curb and I step out of my car with the scarf in hand and I go up to her door right on the street and I knock. I wait there with a hand in my pocket as I look around the dark and silent neighborhood and I was about to knock again or maybe leave when the door opens and beautiful Addie is standing in front of me.

"Paul. What a surprise to see you here." she states and I swallow nervously before answering.

"I know, but uh you left your scarf at the studio last night and I thought I'd return it to you." I explain my coming and I extend my hand that holds it out to her as she stands in a dress that hugs her curves and reaches to her tan knees.

"Thanks for bringing it over. It's much appreciated." she answers and she takes it from my hand and then looks back to my eyes that sit on her, waiting.

"Can I come in?" I ask slowly with the erratic nerves coating my words.

"Yeah, sure. I'm sorry about the mess, just let me pick up a couple of things." she responds and I exhale a sigh of relief before stepping inside and she flips on the light switch to illuminate the small front entrance and I do bother to remove my dry shoes and I follow her into the kitchen that is to my left.

"Would you like some tea? I can put on a kettle if you like." she suggests and I walk over to the round table across from the sink to take a seat and I suddenly wonder why she had let me in. There's no such thing as a friendly cup of tea, she knows that as well as I do.

"Yeah. I'd love one." I reply and she walks over to the stove as I glance around the cozy kitchen with its little pictures hanging on the walls, yellow clock and few books sitting laid out on the table.

I get up from the chair to look around the rest of her tiny flat and I take only a couple of steps to find myself in the living room that sits a couch, a recliner, a beanie bag chair and a telly. A wooden staircase juts out from the right to lead upstairs where more rooms must be. Perhaps she was up there when I knocked and that's what had taken her so long to answer the door.

"Sugar?" she asks and I turn around to find her facing me in her striped dress and I nod my head and I watch as she scoops a few spoonfuls into my cup of tea that she places on the table in front of me after I had returned to my seat.

"Uh how was work for you today?" I attempt to make small talk while we stir our cups and I sip from my hot liquid before meeting her gaze.

"It went well like any other day teaching little kids new music. How was your day?" she responds and then sips at her cup.

"It was great. We did some mixing of our new song we played yesterday and finished that up." I lie because today was boring and dreary. All I did was think about her and how I wanted an excuse to come and see her, and that's what that scarf has done.

"Oh, how fun." she states and I nod my head while drinking from my tea.

"Nice place you got here." I comment a bit awkwardly while we sit in her lit kitchen as the darkness eats away at the English night just outside the windows.

"Thanks. I've had it a couple of years now. Luckily I haven't had any leaks or anything. Ah those things are a bloody fortune to fix." she remarks and I grin while holding my hot tea and she glances up at me and a smirk spreads onto her lips.

"You haven't changed a bit. You know that?" I tell her and she shakes her head while that brightness radiates off of her lips.

"Neither have you, you know. You're still the same old Paul."

"And you're still the same Addie I always knew." I return and then our smiles fade as I think of us as teenagers, and perhaps the thought came to her as well and was the cause of her smile disappearing.

We were happy together. We were in love and at the time it felt as if we could accomplish anything because things felt so great. That was before the fighting of course. But even when she was pregnant things were going okay and we were getting along. I made her laugh. She made me smile. We would run over to my place after school to play on my day's piano until dinner was served and then afterwards until she had to leave to get home. We told each other secrets, things we didn't feel comfortable telling anybody else. She made me happy just by smiling. I wiped away her tears. She was there with a hug for me when things were rough. I was there for her with my arms open day and night. I was her shoulder to lean on and she was my ear to listen to me. She was going to have my baby. We were intimate together. It was nineteen months we spent together. Sure we yelled at each other like there weren't any boundaries. We also were just content laying in a bed together with our arms looped around the other with their breathing comforting us. I loved her. Maybe I even still do now.

I leave my thoughts and gulp down the now lukewarm tea and I hear a loud crack of thunder and then rain begins to slam against the windows hard. One drop after the other. One drip drop after the other.

"How's your mum doing?" I break the silence that couldn't feel any more cold.

"She uh actually passed away last year." she reveals softly and I sigh.

"I'm sorry, Addie. I hope you two had the chance to patch things up before she went." I apologize and that little grin of hers comes onto her lips to last until her next sentence is over.

"We did actually. It happened when I had graduated university a few years back. She apologized for how she had treated me over the years and we just talked everything out. It was really nice." she informs me and I smile at hearing that.

"Good. I'm happy to hear it." She nods her head no longer with that smile but with her lips now still and she gets up to take our empty cups we drained quickly and she steps over to the sink.

"This rain is mad. There's going to be puddles everywhere in the morning. Paul, I'm sorry but I don't think there's any way you can leave anytime soon because it's pouring so hard. The roads will be too terrible." she tells me as she looks out the window above the sink.

"It's alright." I respond and then I think.

I watch her rinse the cups out under the water while the English rain continues to hit hard against the windows and the house.

"Addie, maybe we should just talk everything out." I propose quickly while her back faces me and she shuts off the faucet and turns to face me with her soft looks.

"Is that what you want?" she asks and I nod my head up and down in answer to her question and then she travels over to me and stops to lean against the table a step away from me, close enough for me to smell her rose perfume that triggers so many memories for me.

"You can start. Say what you have to say." she insists and so I stand up from the wooden chair that I was growing uncomfortable in and I look her in the eyes as she stands in front of me, a few inches shorter than me.

"One thing. Do you still love me? Because it doesn't matter if you think we should be together or if you think we shouldn't be together. I know what you said last night and what you said when we broke up, but if you do love me that's the only thing that matters. Answer me that, Ad." I pose her the one question I have for her as I stand here before her with her rose perfume filling my nostrils and making me go dizzy with the scent of her I've gotten drunk off of too many times to count.

**AN: Is anybody liking this story or possibly like it a lot? It'd be nice to hear from any of you readers and what you're thinking of it, really.**


	15. Chapter 15

I look over her brown eyes while the frantic rain pitter patters against the sides of the house and the roof around us, and it fills the house and my ears with the sound of a good, hard rain storm.

"Yes, I still do. I never stopped loving you." she answers boldly and I don't waste any time and so I step forward the space of a few inches and I pull her over into my arms and I kiss her like I've never kissed her before while the heavy rain plays it's song in my ears while my lips move against hers.

* * *

I woke up next to her upstairs in an unfamiliar bed in a room I've never set foot in, but yet it feels as if I've been inside of it before because it oozes her. Now some time later after the rain had begun it still hasn't stopped and is falling down as hard as it was at first and I have no problem with it raining whatsoever. I forget the rain that is just draining out the silence by now and I look back to the sweet girl laying next to me with the bed sheets tugged up to her shoulders as her blonde hair has fallen around her face and her dark eyes stare up at me. I smile at her before leaning down and finding her cheek with my hand and kissing her right on the lips for a few seconds before pulling away and resting my head against my upright arm. My hand stays on her cheek as I stroke it while staring into her eyes and the lamp from her bedside table illuminates her soft features I fell in love with all over again tonight.

"I love you." I mumble as my eyes sit on her and she smiles her sunny smile.

"I love you too." she replies and I kiss her again before laying back down with her and she moves over to lay her head on my bare chest and I begin to run my fingers up and down her back slowly as the rain still comes down hard.

"I've always loved you, Addie. I know that we fought and that sure we didn't always agree on things, but we made each other happy and we had such a great time together when we were with each other. Do you remember all the great things we did together?" I speak into the silent air and she raises her head off of my naked chest to look at me and my hand moves to her hair where it's caught in her blonde locks.

"Yes, I remember. We would teach each other songs on the piano and when we would get too frustrated with our homework we would cheat and do it for them and then tutor the other before a test. We were great together, you know." she reminisces aloud with me and I smile as she speaks and while her eyes bore into mine.

"We are great together." I correct her and I put emphasis on the word 'are' and she lays her hand on my stubbly cheek that's in need of a shave and I lose myself in her eyes like I've always loved doing as her scent fills my nose.

"I missed you, Addie."

"I've missed you too, Paul." she replies and I link my spare hand with my other one that sits on her slightly tan back that is smooth to the touch.

"I can't be apart from you again." I confess and she nods her head before answering in spoken words.

"I know, I know. I couldn't handle it either." she appears to feel the same way.

"Then lets be together and never apart. Lets put the time in and really try this time." I decide for us both and a grin appears on her lips.

"Yes, lets." she agrees and she kisses me before returning to my arms with her blonde head on my chest and she shuts off the lamp with help of her long arm.

I lay there with her long body in my arms while a smile sits on my lips and rain hits the window and I stroke her hair with my fingers while I listen to her shallow breathing that is barely audible as we share heat between each other under the thin bed sheets covering us on this hot late June night. She's mine again and although this will be new to me and something I'll have to get used to again, I'm certainly not complaining.

* * *

The next morning I awake alone in her soft bed and I become confused at not finding her next to me under the sheets. I throw back the sheets covering my bare body and I find a black robe on the back of her bedroom door that I slip on and tie around my waist before leaving the upstairs for the downstairs and the smell of coffee comes to me as I approach the kitchen and then enter it. I see a coffee mug to be sitting out on the counter next to the sink and you can see that it's been used and then I notice a pad of yellow paper with a pen laying beside it a few inches away on the clean counter. I pick it up to read the looping writing that I remember from those letters I received in Hamburg. It reads that she's sorry to leave me, but it's Tuesday after all and she had to be at work at this second job of hers teaching these kids at an activity center about music and she hopes that I slept in as long as I wanted without noticing that she had left, and lastly it says she should be home around two. Ah my Addie.

I set the pad of paper down that holds Addie's familiar scrawling next to the pen and I take one of the navy blue coffee cups hanging on this little rack and I pour myself a cup of coffee from the three quarters full pot already made that is somehow still hot. I find the cream and sugar which I take enough of to add to the highly caffeinated liquid and I sip from it and then I set it on the counter so I can make my late breakfast/early lunch. I look to the funky clock that I'm coming to like that surprisingly shows it's already noon, but I'm glad that it is so I won't have to wait all that long for Addie to return home. I find the bread in the bread box and I pop a few pieces into the toaster I take the cover off of and after it took me a couple of minutes to find the pots and pans, which I ended up finding in the cabinet down by my feet, I luckily saw that there's a can of baked beans in the top shelf of the pantry. I open that up and stick it on the stove to cook and I get back to my buzzing coffee that wakes me up right away.

I walk around the kitchen looking at the pictures on the wall that I now notice are of little paintings of cups of coffee, birds and landscapes. Addie hasn't always been too artsy fartsy or anything, but she's liked a nice painting or two in her time and she likes decorating. Actually she likes to make something her own, rather than her things looking like everybody else's. She's different, remember. I wandered over into the living that's walls sit more framed somethings, but this time I notice them to be photographs of people. One of the three, the one on the way left is of Addie's late father who I wish I could've met before he had passed. The picture shows him sitting at the kitchen table wearing his hornrimmed glasses and a pipe in his mouth while the paper sits opened up in his hands and a funny expression showing on his face. I smirk at seeing it before I move on to the middle photograph of The Mitchell family when the kids were in primary school as they're at what looks to be a picnic or just outside. I haven't seen hardly any pictures of Addie when she was young because her mum was never much of one to take pictures, but it's nice to see this one with her freckled cheeks, missing a few teeth and short hair that is bright while her smile shows big. I remember that while she was pregnant back when we were teenagers I would look at photos of her as a kid and me as a kid to try and get a hint of what our baby would look like, but I never came up with anything even though I loved to imagine a little baby that's half of me and half of her. I move on to the next and final photo that I laugh at the second my eyes fall on it. It's of the gang; John, Ads, Kat, George and myself when we were wee teenagers before Addie became pregnant, before the disastrous fighting and quite a time before the Beatles happened. I think it was taken at Kat's birthday party that last winter of our senior year and we're all wearing these goofy party hats and making faces with our tongues sticking out and eyes crossed. My arm is slung around Addison's waist and John's is hanging over Kat's shoulder. It's hard to think that they aren't together anymore. It's even harder to think that this photo still exists somehow. To be honest I didn't think I would ever see it again in my life, but nevertheless I'm very glad to see the hilarious photograph that is making me laugh right this second. We really did have some good times together, that could never be mistaken.

I walk away from the wall the photos sit on to stir the beans and butter the now golden brown toast that would of turned black if I hadn't returned when I did to tend to the hot food. I grab a plate from the cupboard where Addie has the silverware and all placed. I eat my simple lunch with a glass of milk on the couch with the telly on in front of me and while eating a gray cat wanders over to me.

"Hi there. What's your name?" I great the kitty and I place my cleaned off plate on the table and they jump on my lap and butt their head against my hand for me to pet them.

"I didn't know that Addie had a cat." I think aloud while scratching at its ears and it purrs as I do so and I smile and continue to pet the sweet pet.

I continued to hang out with the cuddly kitty cat until Addie walked in the front door with a bag over her shoulder and dressed in a modest skirt and she had something to drink before treading over to me as I'm stuck on the couch with the cat who won't let me stop petting them.

"I see you've met Mittens." she states while putting her shiny hair into a bun and she smiles with her pink lips coated with shimmery pink lipstick.

"Yeah, I have. I didn't know that you had a cat, darling." I note and she takes a seat next to me and Mittens completely forgets about me to snuggle up to Addie who grins at her and runs her hand through her fur.

"I've had him since I moved here. He's quite the companion. You probably didn't notice him because he sleeps down here on the chair, and he kind of blended into the gray chair." she explains it to me and I nod my head with a look of understanding.

"Mittens is a boy?" I ask a bit shocked and I hear her sweet laugh come from between her pink lips.

"I know it's a weird name for a boy cat, but I thought of it and it just stuck." she tells me the story behind the feline's name and I suddenly remember the cats John had at his house as a teenager.

"Do you remember those cats John had and how him and Mimi loved 'em?" I question and I toss my arm around her shoulder and she shoots me smile before returning her eyes to Mittens who fights with me for her attention. This cat isn't going to get anywhere, because I'm going to win.

"Mmhmm, I do. We all thought they were vicious and cats from hell because they hissed at everybody but John and Mimi. They just hated anybody but them two. Ah, we thought Mimi was an old cat woman." she comments and we both chuckle together while I tangle my fingers in Mittens' coat who is enjoying the double treatment and then Addie cocks her head to look at me.

"How was teaching little kids about music today, beautiful?" I inquire and I kiss her forehead quickly which makes her grin and then she opens her mouth to answer.

"Except for two little boys trying to play swords with recorders this morning it went very well. How long have you been up for?"

"Since noon. I had some lunch, a cup of coffee and I watched a program or two on the telly." I answer her and she nods her head and then looks down to my lips and I lean in to peck her once before pulling away.

"Do you have to go and do any recording today?"

"Actually I think I do, darling. I'm due there around three. I'm sorry, but I'm gonna go change back into my clothes upstairs and then get going." I apologize to her what I had been thinking of, but was trying to put off as long as I could and she nods solemnly and I get another kiss from her and her pink lips.

"I don't work tomorrow, and even though you do how about you come over to my house so you can see it and meet my dog? We can have lunch together and maybe another storm will come and we can get stuck inside with nothing to do and find something entertaining to do." I propose and her freckle less cheeks blush before her lips split into a smirk.

"It sounds like a plan." she comments and I wink at her before leaving the couch to dash up the stairs and into her bedroom where I change back into my clothes and then I find her downstairs in the kitchen standing in front of the icebox peering in it and I catch her around the waist. She just about jumped.

"I'll see you tomorrow afternoon then?"

"Mmhmm." she answers and she spins around to plant a goodbye kiss on my lips that I hate to part from and then we mumble little goodbyes before I grab my jacket to head out the door to my car that sits under the sun brought upon by the storm last night. What a great day it's turned into for me.

**AN: Thoughts?**


	16. Chapter 16

It was a rather boring rest of my day and night at the studio doing some recording, smoking, drinking and talking with my three mates who were asking me about Addie and why she was there last night. How we met up. Where I ran into her. If something happened between us. If we're back together and all of those other predictable questions those nosy punks we're thinking of. I spent my night watching a few things on the telly, missing Addie who I wish that I could be next to right now, and missing the sound of that beautiful rain falling down from the skies hard and rhythmic.

The next day, Wednesday, I slept in without an alarm set like I have most mornings for me to get up at the right time. Then I drug myself out of bed to have my breakfast/lunch and to feed my pal Martha who was waiting for me to wake up this morning and I played with her for a little while before I headed to the bathroom to shower and then I changed into nice clothes before Addie is due to come over this afternoon.

* * *

I was picking up Martha's toys that litter the living room floor that the lass gets so messy with sometimes when I hear the buzzing of the gate and Martha runs over to the door. I toss one of her toys into the basket I'm holding and I set it next to the couch's arm and I follow the pet to the door where I push the button to let in Addie who is right on time. It's 2:15 on the dot. I open the front door as the car is pulling into the driveway after the gate goes back in place and Martha begins to bark and sits at my feet. I laugh and shake my head at the goofy dog and Addie parks the car before getting out and walking over to me in a yellow trench coat that cinches around her waist and a black skirt underneath.

"Martha, there's no need to bark. No. This is my friend, Addie." I tell the dog as I scratch at her furry ears and Addie grins before kneeling down to pet the sweet dog who licks at her pale hands.

"Hi there, Martha. You're such a cute puppy, yeah you are. It's nice to meet you too." she speaks to the massive dog who wags her tail as she gets some attention from doting Addison who has always been fond of animals since I can remember. She even used to visit her grandparents in the country while we were together that last time because of the horses they had on their farm.

"Hello." I greet Ad after she stood back up and Martha runs back inside almost like she's giving us a minute.

"Hi to you too." she replies and I smile before wrapping an arm around her waist and kissing her on the lips briefly.

"How was your day?" I question and we move on to inside and I close the door behind us before we travel into the living room.

"It was great, and yours?" she responds.

"Lazy, but good." I answer and she grins at my answer and then I begin with the rather long tour of my house.

* * *

I reach the bottom step of the staircase leading upstairs and I look to Addie whose hand I hold and she shoots me one of those breathtaking smiles of hers.

"Well I guess that finishes the tour. I hope you enjoyed it." I conclude and she gives my hand a small squeeze.

"Oh I did. It was very exciting." she jokes and I roll my eyes with a smirk as we walk towards the kitchen and she hops up onto the counter randomly.

I stop in front of her and I place my hands on the sides of her legs on the counter and a cheeky smile appears on those lips I've missed kissing, ones that are the color of pink roses and soft to the touch. My hand raises to flit to her cheek and her right one does the same and I focus on her eyes for a moment before we both lean in to kiss and it proved to last longer than some simple peck, but unfortunately it was interrupted by Martha whining in the kitchen's doorway. I part from the kiss with Addie and I turn to see the sad looking dog laying down with her head stick straight staring at us with those sad eyes of hers on me.

"I think she's mad at me." Addie suggests and I cock my head to look at my girl whose hands are now to herself as are mine and my eyebrows fall in confusion, and then I get a thought.

"Nah, she's just mad at me." I disagree and I glance back to Martha who continues to whine.

"I don't think she likes me taking all of your attention." Addie guesses and I nod my head once before walking over to the pet who I kneel down in front of and I ruffle her fur a little bit.

"It's okay, Martha. You'll always be my favorite puppy dog. Yeah you will be, I promise. I still love you, girl." I speak to her and I hear Addie get down to land on the floor and she treads over and we move into the living room where we take a seat on the couch with Martha sprawled out on our laps all cozy and comfy.

"Martha, you little piggy. Can't you go lie down over on the rug rather than our legs? Gosh." I joke to the pet whose head lays on Addie's long legs.

"It's okay, Paul. She's sweet and really cuddly. I love those kind of dogs." she assures me and I shoot her a small smile while my fingers are caught in the thick fur of the dog who is probably going to end up taking a little nap on our legs.

"I'm sorry. She usually isn't like this."

"Paul, like I said: it's fine." Addie tells me again and I nod before looking down to the calm dog.

Ads and I spend the next few hours with Martha sleeping on our legs as we sat next to each other and then we finally had to disturb the pet who sleeps like a log to have dinner/lunch that we had missed out on earlier and are substituting for now. Addie of course found my piano sitting near the back door which she quickly sat down at to get a feeling for the keys, how it plays and how the ivory feels under the pads of your fingers. I found a spot next to her on the leather bench and we had no problem at all playing those white keys for the next few hours after dinner while lazy Martha slept on the couch and before watched us from afar. Then we got to reminiscing about the old times, like we seem to do quite often. I'm not really sure if its a good thing or a bad thing, really.

* * *

"Oh no, not that story. Paul, no! Please don't tell it. I don't wanna hear it again!" she pleads with the embarrassed smile tugging at her lips and the blush coating her thin cheeks.

"Oh yes that story! I can remember it now, and all that happened." I shoot back with an unbalanced laugh flowing from between my lips and she tips over on her side to have her head fall onto my chest and I suddenly stop laughing while I look down at her eyes that are full of meaning.

"Please don't tell it." she begs and then she pouts with those irresistible lips of hers and those dark eyes that I find it so hard to look away from.

"I won't." I reassure her in a soft voice and I kiss her forehead and then wrap my arm around her shoulder and I let my head fall onto hers to sit there while I stare at the picture on the telly.

We watch the rest of the tv program with a blanket draped over us and our heads resting on the others while our breathing is in sync and we avoid conversation for the time being. Later on we had a nice snack of ice cream and then things happened and we ended up in my bed upstairs and then fell fast asleep to end our fun and rather lazy night together on this Wednesday.

"Come on, love. What would skipping one day of teaching kids at an activity center about music do? I know how much it means to you, but please, I want you to stay." I beg her the next morning to stay home with me today since I don't have to be at work today unless I want to record some stuff on my own.

"Paul, I need the money from the job for rent." she replies while she hooks her bra from the back and then steps into her pencil skirt and she bends over to pick up her shirt

I extend my arms to get her around the waist and I pull her onto the bed and to kneel over top of me. I see she had dropped the shirt in the process and I comb her straight-as-can-be hair away from her face and to behind her ear as we look at the other and we both start to laugh. She moves down to kiss me and I link my arms around her small waist while her lips move against mine and her warm hands sit on my cheeks that need to be shaven one of these days. She pulls away from the kiss unfortunately and I groan with a pout as she has a devilish grin plastered onto her lips and I look over her wondrous body I'm coming to learn the textures, smells and shapes of once again now that we're back together. I love to say that we're back together. No longer apart. Together again. She's mine and I have no problem with being hers. I poke her side which she tickles me for and then I laugh before she presses her sweet lips to mine before pulling away.

"Stay." I state before she kisses me again.

"No. Work." she replies in between the end of that last kiss and the next one happening.

"Mm." I mumble into the great kiss before her mouth leaves mine.

"Don't leave." I comment before she places her lips back onto mine.

"Job," she mutters after breaking the kiss and then she breaks the kiss. "Money. I need it." she then sighs loudly and I smirk before flipping her over to lay on her back and I smash my lips on hers to kiss her without any of the intervals and or the talking.

I pull apart in the middle to speak to her and I stare down at her beautiful figure while I breathe heavily and I move a strand of stray hair off of her cheek.

"Some days you just have to skip work, darling. It happens because you're sick, there's a funeral or you're in love." I explain to her and she chuckles loudly into the silent air laced with love before we kiss again and we don't part for a long time.

We kiss and we kiss until we can't anymore and then we made love that early morning with sleep coating our words, love filling our minds, our hearts beating fast from exhilaration and excitement. I once again got drunk off of the smell of her skin that by now faintly smells of sweet roses that I've now decided are my favorite flower.

**AN: So. . thoughts?**


	17. Chapter 17

I reckon that the best way in the whole entire world to wake up is late in the morning, with your love wrapped up in your arms while blankets cover you as the sun shines through the window into the bedroom. Some men will claim that their ideal way to wake up is with their five lovers in bed with them, and I might of agreed with that in the past, but not anymore. And I awoke later in the morning just in that way, with Addie still sleeping soundly in my arms with her blonde hair pooling onto my chest, her thoughts away in another land and my hands folded on her long back under the gray bed sheets covering our bare bodies. I smile to myself at waking up this way and actually being content and feeling right for the first time in a long time. Before with other women I've slept with, it just didn't feel as right as it does this morning. That's the thing about Addie and I, it's always felt right no matter what we've gone through together.

I lay here with the sun hitting our two bodies as I hear nothing but my own soft breathing and I begin to think. Oh how I've missed that laugh of hers that some people may call weird, but I think it's perfect in every way. I've missed her smile that puts one on my own lips instantly. I've missed her touch that is in some way so comforting. I've missed her caring eyes that have always had my attention. I've missed running my fingers through her hair free of curls or waves. I miss the way she makes me feel; how my heart races at the sight of her and how her touch causes my heart to skip a beat and how kissing her makes it beat so fast I'm sure it can't be healthy.

I'm brought out of my thinking by Addison moving in my arms and I let go of her and she turns over to lay on her side with her back now to me. I touch her shoulder hesitantly to see if she's awake, but she doesn't move and then her soft snoring that could never be considered annoying fills my ears. She's still asleep. I remember her moving around like this from years back when we would nap together or after we had made love. I'd sometimes go to sleep with her head on my chest and then I'd wake up afterwards with her laying as far away from me as she could get without falling off of the bed. I would ask her afterwards when we were both awake if I had done something or hogged up the bed to cause her to do that, but she was confused at what I was getting at and then said she tends to do that while she's sleeping. She doesn't have any control over it and plus she likes her space sometimes. That's my Addie for ya.

I got up out of bed to use the loo quick and when I had come back with a pair of pajama pants on now I find Addie to be waking up slowly.

"Well good morning, love. Actually more like good afternoon since it's a couple minutes after noon now," I greet her after I had laid down on the bed next to her and I comb the hair away from her eyes that struggle to open. "How did you sleep?" I finish and she smiles at me while now yawning and I keep my two eyes on her.

"Hi, honey. Wow I'm surprised it's already the afternoon. I slept good, and how'd you sleep?" she replies and she flicks her hair off of her shoulder and she tucks the bed sheet under her arm that covers her up to her chest and I rest my head on my arm.

"I slept fairly well, thanks for asking. Now aren't you glad that you stayed home so you could sleep in?" I question her and she nods with a small grin and then our eyes focus on each other.

"I'm hungry and I bet you are too. Lets go have something for lunch, dear." I propose and I lean over for a quick kiss to greet her with this morning and we slip out of bed and we find something to get on before we headed downstairs.

I fed Martha and let the dog outside to go to the bathroom while Addie made herself at home and she popped a few biscuits into the oven and a a package of sausages in a pan to sizzle away. I got the orange juice poured into glasses and the silverware and plates out while my lovely took care of the small cooking. Addie has never been much of one to cook a whole lot, I tell ya. She just wasn't born with those skills to be able to whip out a three course meal in a couple of hours. Like me too we like things in cans and packages you can just warm up on the stove or in the oven. We like the simple life.

* * *

Afterwards we left the dishes to do when we felt like it and I went to check the post outside on this Thursday early in the afternoon while Addie wandered around to her liking. I came back inside and the sound of melodic piano playing immediately meets my ears and I smile as I set the stack of mail on the table next to the closet where my car keys sit. I stick my hands in the pockets of the pair of jeans I found clean in the dryer and I still smile as I follow the sound coming from the long fingers of my pretty girlfriend who sits at my piano in my living room churning out a song from memory. I sit beside her and she looks to me to smile while still touching the keys and then she ends it smoothly.

"You're still a wonderful piano player. You do know that, right?" I ask her and her cheeks flush a light pink and she directs her eyes back to the piano keys that I've came to know since I've had this trusty old thing.

"I'm being completely honest when I say this. You're the best pianist I know, Ads, and I know a lot of musicians. You've only gotten better over the years," I take a pause and her hands leave the white lines and she connects with my eyes. "I hear you play these amazing things from memory and then there's those pieces I have never heard of, and I can only assume that your creative mind conjured them up. I consider myself to be good at playing the piano, but you. Ah you're like the Queen of piano." I finish and she breaks the eye contact to stare at the keys she runs her fingers along but doesn't play and I stroke her cheek with my thumb for a second.

"Paul, you're too nice." she states and I sling my left arm around her waist and I rest my head on hers as our legs touch while she wears my gray button down. I had forgotten how breathtaking she looks wearing my clothes.

"Maybe I am, but I'm speaking the truth, that's for sure." I return and my hand floats over to the pieces of ivory and she begins something that I make up something to accompany and we begin to play together for what has to be the fiftieth time in our history of playing together in our lives.

She shakes her head with a modest smile and I lift my head to kiss her cheek and I see that me doing that just made her smile bigger and blush uncontrollably more while our fingers swiftly move across the piano keys which creates a beautiful melody that fills our ears. The little song ends after a minute and I travel into the kitchen to get us both a cold bottle of Coke to sip at on this warm afternoon and I notice that I can't take my eyes off of her for the sake of me.

"So did you ever learn how to read music?" Addie asks me and then she raises her eyes to notice me staring at her and I catch her blushing before she looked away.

"No, of course not. I mean I love the piano, but I'm lazy and I'd never be that dedicated. You know, I remember how hard to tried to teach me how to read notes and that stuff from your favorite book and how frustrated we both get because I didn't understand it." I answer her and we both giggle softly.

"Yeah, I recall that and how it started a couple of fights." she notes and I nod to myself while drinking from the cold soda.

"Yep, you called me a lazy ass who was stubborn and I said you were annoying and the kind of person who wanted to be better than everybody else." I comment and I notice that I can't find her smile on her lips anymore. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that and what we had said to each other at a time when we were angry and not thinking all that straight.

"You were right, because I am a lazy ass sometimes." I try to change the mood that I had in a way brought onto us. It's like a dark cloud now.

"Maybe you were right about me being annoying and trying to be better than other people."

"Hey, come on," I take a pause to set my Coke on the top of the piano and I wrap an arm around her small middle. "Everybody and anybody can be annoying, Addie, and I didn't meant what I said then. Neither of us did, 'cause we were arguing." I attempt to have that smile graze her moist lips again and she turns her head to face me.

"Yeah it's in the past and that was a different time. Lets just forget about it, okay?" she proposes.

"Sure, yeah." I agree with her and I close the distance between our to catch her lips with mine in a short kiss and she weakly smiles at me after I part from it and I look at her.

She sighs for some reason I wish I knew, and one I think might be because of what we had just previously discussed and her head goes to my shoulder to rest there. I kiss her shiny hair before bringing my hands to in front of me where I lay them on the keys to play the old tune 'When I'm sixty four'.

"Do you remember this old thing, Ad?" I ask her as I begin into it and I take in a breath before singing.

"When I get older losing my hair,

Many years from now.

Will you still be sending me a valentine

Birthday greetings bottle of wine..." I trail off and I glance to the reason for my happiness and I see that grin pasted back onto her lips and I grin too. She always finds a smile to make me smile.

"How could I forget it? You played it day after day, adding lyrics to it, scrapping ones you didn't like and testing it out on me to see what I thought of it." she answers after I had gotten to the middle of the ancient song and quitted since we both have listened it to until the end probably too many times to count on our two hands.

"Ah I remember those times. Are you still too sick of it to hear it a couple of more times?" I query and I look to her as my hands sit planted on my thighs and she sighs and laces her arms clad in my button down that is quite large on her around my left arm as I'm shirtless on this summer day.

"I dunno, why?"

"Well I suppose you already know, but it's on our new album so you're probably going to get even more sick of it with it playing on the radio and in shops." I explain the truth to her and she groans and attempts to bury her face into my thin arm.

"It's a good song, don't get me wrong now, but I've heard it a hundred times too many." she tells me and I nod my head with a small grin while she her cheek is pressed up to my hairy arm.

"You don't need to worry about offending me, love. We're far past that now." I soothe her and she huffs and flashes me a smile while I look into her brown eyes that the sun is hitting perfectly this moment and making them glow before myself.

I cradle her cheek and plant a soft kiss on those grinning pink lips of hers and we laugh together out of the pure happiness surging through our veins that love is coursing through right this minute making us woozy, causing us to smile and fall in love with the other once again for who knows what time it is this time. Perhaps I was wrong about another warm front not coming for Addie and I, because right now that certainly seems what's happening right now as the streets of England are flooding with pale Brits trying to soak up this new, strong sun without any clouds or rain to take away from it. London has came across another warm front, and so have my lovely and I.


	18. Chapter 18

I sat there with her thinking about nothing and everything while I raised the glass bottle of soda to my lips to sip from while I smell roses, wood and the leftover scent of the sausage from this mornings makeshift meal that's in between lunch and breakfast. I lift my head to kiss her soft hair and then I exhale a content sigh and return my head to hers while we sit in a comfortable silence with our arms around each other and our thoughts being kept to ourselves while I can faintly hear Martha padding around in the living room behind us playing with a toy that she seems to be enjoying.

"Is there anything you want to do today, love?" I ask her as I look at the piano keys and I lift my head to look at her and she does the same to look at me and she shrugs her shoulders.

"I don't have any ideas, but I'll need to stop over to my place to shower and change beforehand." she answers and I nod.

"Do you just wanna do that now and I can get ready here while you're getting ready at your place?" I suggest and she agreed with me so we shared a kiss before she headed upstairs to change into her clothes from last night and then she leaves in her car.

I sigh and leave the piano to tread over to Martha who lays on the living room rug with a tennis ball a few inches away from her mouth as she dozes away in some other land where puppies dream of bones and squeaky toys galore. I grin at the sight and I tip toe out of the room so I won't wake the cute dog up. I head up the stairs and I step into the bathroom to shower and then I toss my dirty clothes into the pile I have in a basket and then I change into new clothes. I forgot about shaving the second I had shut off the shower, and I don't feel like shaving in front of the mirror with the sink full of water so I mentally note to do it another day.

I leave my dresser I had been standing in front of while changing to travel over to my closet to get up on my tippy toes to reach up for a brown shoe box that I've been thinking of lately. I bring it down and carry it over to my bed where I take the top off to set aside. I see before me sitting in the messy box envelopes, old photographs, telegrams, keychains, and cards sitting there without an envelope. I take out the first envelope of pictures I see and I move over to the middle of the bed to sit cross legged and look at them. A smile appears on my face at the first picture I see of Kat and Addie at the beach one of our many times visiting a nearby one close to our homes in Liverpool and Kat is putting her hand up to try and stop the picture taking. If I remember correctly I believe it was John snapping the photo this time, and it was probably one of their times when they were on, not off. I flip to the next black and white photograph which is of one of the stops we made as tourists on our way back or to places for gigs over those years when we were touring. We traveled to so many places and so many times that I couldn't guess from just the picture where and when it was taken. It's of just me though and I assume one of the lads must of taken the picture and when I flip it over to see the back it reads in my writing that it's from Paris in September of 1961 when John took me along with him to hitchhike with the money he got from some family member for his birthday. We originally were shooting for to end up in Spain for holiday but we only got as far as Paris, but nonetheless we had a great time wearing bowler hats, checking out these wild French women who we thought were just great, downing banana milkshakes and arriving home with a new haircut. I move to the next picture in this bunch that is certainly not organized and I find an old but sweet one of Addie and I at probably my house after school when we had one of those study sessions at my place because of a test the next day or just because we needed to finish homework. I peek at the next couple of pictures that are from the same day I assume and they're all of Addie and I when we were teenagers. I had the greased DA and I wore those drainies we had to look tough while Ads wears a black pencil skirt all of the girls wore and her hair up in a bun with the help of a barrette. In the first picture somebody placed the camera around the corner into the kitchen where we stand together with our arms around each other and our foreheads resting on the others as we stare into the others eyes with smiles grazing our lips. I skip to the next one with a grin on my face to find it to be of us two sitting on the sofa in my old house with my arm snaked around her shoulder and her head resting on my own shoulder while our mouths move as we must be talking. We had no idea that our picture was being taken it seems. I go on to the next one that is of us dancing closely at probably some party the school was having, which was kind of a rare occurrence, or some bash John was throwing at his place after some gig of ours. I go on to the final picture that's of us two sitting at one of the tables at this fish and chip shop we visited at lunch during the fall and in the summer when we couldn't find anything in the icebox to eat or when the school's food was nasty, which was what happened eight times out of ten. It's of just Ads and I sitting together with our fingers dipped in the baskets of greasy food and bottles of soda to the side while we smile and seemingly laugh. What a few great pictures these are of us that I haven't seen since probably when they were developed from my camera and the surprise I had from seeing them that were taken by probably John, George or Kat.

I look away from the stack of black and white pictures when I hear the creaking of my bedroom door opening and I glance up to see Addie in a stunning pink dress with big orange spots and a belt around her waist, looking more prettier than ever with her hair down.

"Hey there. Ah so you're looking at pictures, I see." she states as she walks over and then takes a seat next to me and I hand them to her so I can look through the rest of the stuff that may be considered to be junk in this old box.

"Mmhmm, some old ones of us from when we were teens." I inform her and she makes a look with her lips that would read like she's saying 'not bad'.

"Hmm." she mumbles while I dig around in the things and I come across one of the old cards we had received from my dad and brother when Addie was pregnant.

It has these pastel colors on it and in the middle a stork carrying a baby wrapped in a white blanket in its beak and then it has in block letters 'Congratulations, new parents!' next to the stork and I cover it back up after staring at it for a few seconds. I don't know why I ever kept that, but I haven't looked at this box of stuff for years, since I stashed it all away when I had graduated seven years ago. I look up when Addie laughs and I peek over her shoulder to see her looking at a picture of the gang when us three; the two girls and I graduated with our diplomas in hand and the rest of the group surrounding us and we're all making funny faces. John has his tongue sticking out and so does Kat who also has her hands by her ears, looking like she has fake antlers and then the rest of us either have our eyes crossed, our tongue sticking out, doing antlers like Kat or putting our hand to our nose like that. We sure were a goofy bunch, now that's for sure.

I join her in the laughing as we are now close to tears while we continue to chuckle again and again, before either of us says anything, "Oh that was a great day with us graduating high school and then that huge party John had at his place when Mimi had gone to visit family or whomever." Addie comments and I nod to myself and tilt my head to rest it on her shoulder and she looks to me and kisses my hair.

"You're right. That was an awesome day with how much fun it was," I take a pause after remembering something. "But I admit I didn't like the horrible hangover I had the next morning 'cause of those packs of beer John had gotten from some mate of his."

"I didn't like it either, even though I hardly had three drinks, but that was some potent vodka, scotch and beer John had. That night convinced me to never get drunk again. I had the worst headache the next morning and I threw up so much that night. I don't know how my mum didn't see that I was drunk." she remarks and I chuckle at her words.

"I hardly even remember anything that night except for the good food, the dancing, the drinking and when I got terribly sick that night and the next morning." I comment with a soft giggle escaping from my smiling mouth and then she flips to another picture from a day at the carnival we spent with the others. One of the many times we spent in Blackpool together.

"Hey, how about we spend the day at the awesome carnival here in London? They have kettle corn, cotton candy, soda, popcorn, candy, the Ferris wheel, roller coasters and dozens of fun games. Come on, Ads, what do you say?" I suggest to her after I had remembered how much of a blast we had those few times we visited the carnival full of games, food and rides together as teenagers.

"I-I don't know. You know I have a fear of heights and that I have a sensitive stomach when it comes to rides." she stutters a bit with her uneasy voice.

"Love, I'll be right there next to you and we don't have to go on the rides if you don't want to. We can just eat tons of junk good and play games like where you have to pop the balloons with darts, the one where you hit the targets with the watergun, duck pond, basketball or maybe even the kissing booth." I try to soothe her and I lift my head and she turns her head to meet my look with a cheeky grin on those lips of hers.

"That all does sound like a lot of fun, but maybe we can do the kissing booth game here before we leave." she proposes and she winks at me before setting the box aside with the pictures sitting back in there and I see her glance to my lips and then I can't help but to glance at hers. She leans in and plants her lips right on mine in a passionate kiss and then I kiss her back while my hands move to rest on the middle of her back and hers go to lace around my neck.

I smile into the sweet kiss as her lips move against mine and mine against hers while my heart races fast and I'm completely enamored with the thought of her and the way she makes me go dizzy with the scent of her, and how she makes me stop thinking with her lips and the sight of her. I'm falling in love with Addie all over again, for whatever time it must be now.

**AN: Thoughts?**


	19. Chapter 19

We continued to share that passionate kiss until our lips were red, we were both short of breath, and our minds were full of nothing but thoughts about the others kissing, the smell of their perfume and cologne and how all of the feelings and memories from the time we were teenagers are rushing back to the both of us. We both part from the kiss and then she smiles first which makes me smile and then I get up from the bed to carry the box of what I'm gonna call 'mementos' to set it over on the chair in the corner of the room to finish looking at another time.

"Lets go have ourselves a fun time at the carnival, alright?" I tell Addie as I walk back over to her and she gets up from my bed that's more messy than it is neat and I grab her hand so we can go downstairs where we get our shoes back on.

I made sure to fill Martha's dog dish full of dog food and water too until the housekeeper stops by later this afternoon when we'll still be gone so she can be let out while the nice lady does some cooking, cleaning and laundry.

"Paul?" Addie asks as we step into my car that is kind of sweaty from the sun beating down on it so I reach down to manually roll down the window and she gets the hint and does the same.

"Yes, darling?" I reply as I put the window the rest of the way down and I grab the keys from my pocket to start the car.

"What if people recognize you while we're at the carnival? I've never been with you in public yet before so I don't know firsthand how it is, but I've seen coverage of how crazy the fans can get and how they mob you lads." she questions while I back out of the driveway and I excuse myself to open and close the gate that some birds are surrounding like they usually are, and now that it's unusually warm they're here more often and even more of them are.

"Okay, sorry, I'm back. Now what were you saying again, love?" I ask her after forgetting and she sighs and takes a breath before repeating her question.

"Don't we need to worry about fans mobbing us or that sort of thing while at the carnival since we'll be out in public?" she states in a tone telling me that she's annoyed of having to tell me again a second time.

"Yeah about that, uh I'm not sure how things will go and I know people are going to recognize me, but maybe there won't be a lot of people there and we'll be left alone." I state with the hope filling my voice, but yet there's my doubt I have in my words than sureness that we won't be bugged by nosy fans.

"And what if the carnival isn't as empty, because it is a carnival after all, and it's packed?" she continues and I extend my hand over to hers to hold her hand as I now drive away from my house towards the center of town where the Hanwell Carnival is that I've heard so many positive things about.

"Then uh we'll just have to work around it and if it gets worse then we'll have to find something else to spend our afternoon doing. I'm sorry if it does end up coming to that, love, but I don't want for us to be in danger. You especially." I reply and she nods her head with a smile that looks thankful and I give her want hand a gentle squeeze before she opens her mouth to speak.

"Paul, we could just do something else instead that would work better, if you want." she brings up and I purse my lips at the thought and then I shake my head.

"It's fine, love. We can just see how busy it is and then decide. I'm sure it won't be too bad, so we can still go. Plus I know how much you've always liked the carnival." I reply and she doesn't look so sure of what I have to say when I glance to her as we have gotten to a stoplight. Ya see, Addie is the type of person who you could never call selfish because she wants to make sure that the people around her are happy and sometimes during that she forgets to please herself.

"No, we can just do something else that is more safe and I'm sure we'll have just as much fun if we were to go to the carnival." she objects and I sigh while looking around at the cars in front of us, to our side and behind us.

"Darling, it'll be fine. We can still go to the carnival."

"I don't want to if we're gonna be bothered by people the whole time." she insists and I groan and she lets go of my hand that I now use for driving.

"Addie." I grumble and she shakes her head and then looks to the window and I see that a sad look is on her face before her head turns that way.

"Please don't start. I don't want to fight with you." she mumbles and I realize that I can almost hear the hurt and frustration in her voice.

I sigh and take a deep breath to clear my thoughts as I'm confused, feeling guilty, frustrated as well and lost with what my next step is now. I pull over to the side of a curb in front of a little shop that I see a few people in.

"Do you still have a love for reading books with a glass of sweet tea by your side?" I ask her after my eyes had come across a shop next to the one I previously had seen that is kind of a cafe who serves coffee, tea, and provides a homey atmosphere to sit with friends to talk with or a place to skim through a book for the time being. I didn't make that all up just now, that's what the sign next to the door says. I swear.

"Yeah, of course. Why?" she responds and I shut off the car and stash my keys in my pocket and she looks to me with confusion covering her oval face.

"How about we skip all of that stuff that sounds all busy, and just relax with something cold to drink, maybe read a book or talk?" I suggest and I realize that I'm coming to really fancy this idea. I like those laid back kind of days where you can be as lazy and quiet as you like.

"You know, I'd love to do that." Addie replies and I flash her a smile and kiss her on the lips softly.

"I apologize for getting short with you and arguing about what to do today. It was stupid and I'm sorry." I tell her as I look into her eyes and she grins briefly before her following sentence comes to an end.

"It's okay, Paul. I just want for you to be comfortable and happy."

"I am, love, whenever I'm with you. I want the same for you, you know." I reply and she pecks me to my surprise.

"I can say the same thing." she agrees and I nod my head at her with a smile and we open the doors to step out on the street and the sidewalk and I walk around to take her hand in mine where I lace my fingers with her long ones as the sun hits us on this patch of sidewalk.

"Hmm, so should we go to the book store across the street first or the cafe?" I ask Addie and she looks to the quaint bookstore I refer to and she points to it.

I nod my head and then look for cars and we cross the road together, hand in hand and we remove our sunglasses when we step inside the store where I hear the whirring of fans the employees must of set up because its a little stuffy in here due to the mild heat. Addie lets go of my hand and points to the other side of the store and I nod at understanding that we're gonna split up and I travel over to the biographies while I think about her.

She used to have dozens, if not hundreds of books lining the few shelves against the walls of her room. She called them her 'life collection' and she swore that she was going to read every single page of every single book by the last day of her life. The books weren't just one genre, they were mystery, romance, fiction, non-fiction, biographies, autobiographies, fantasy, sports and just about anything else you could imagine. Another thing about Addie is that she has always used her time wisely, unless she was tired or sick. I'd find her at lunch reading a book while waiting for all of us, and she would read before bed and in the morning. I swear she read at least one book a week! I got used to seeing her with a novel no matter it's genre or size so often, it's just how Addie has always been and I'm sure will continue to be.

I skim the shelves while my hands sit in my pants pockets and I faintly hear a record playing somewhere in the shop. A nice Elvis record. Boy I haven't heard this one since I was in high school when Addie would stop over to my house with a new record her brother had gotten from a buddy just for her and we would listen to it together. Ah what great times those were. Addie and I have some wonderful memories together, and some weird ones as well very intimate that I'm not going to get into detail with.

"Paul, look at what I found!" Addie's gentle voice interrupts my thinking as she approaches me and she holds up the blue cover of a novel we read in English as seniors. It was our favorite out of all of the books we read that year, and coincidently a copy sat on the shelves in her bedroom, apart of her 'life collection'.

"Hey, our favorite book!" I exclaim and she nods with a grin while she stands hardly a foot away from me as the tall shelves reaching the ceiling of this building are packed full with books.

"Yeah, I just came across it. Neat, huh?" she comments and I nod my head and she sets it on a shelf and then picks up the stack of three books she had found from a nearby chair and I look to the only one I had found any interest in, one that's about some ordinary man finding a treasure map, if that's even correct. Summaries on the back I think can be confusing and misleading sometimes.

"Ah, I see you found a couple of books. What are they about?" I question and I walk over to sit in the brown chair Ads had set her books on and she takes a seat on my lap and I snake my arms around her waist.

"This one is about a retired spy who moved to Paris and she falls in love with this guy who's an active spy and they go through all of this turmoil together with his spy missions," she takes a pause to set that novel down and she picks up the next one that has a red cover and I rest my nose against the shoulder of her dress that smells like fabric softener, the kind my mum used to use when I was younger. "Then this one is about some superhero who falls in love with this girl who was abandoned by her parents and who led this really troubled life, and they have all of these adventures together. The last one I actually don't really know what it's about, but I think the cover makes it look really interesting. Don't you think so?" I nod at her question while I look over the bright colors and pictures on the front that I agree make it look rather interesting.

"Are you ready to go and pay for these?" she questions and I nod into her shoulder as my eyes are closed and my forehead rests on her soft dress that my nose is buried into.

She tries to get up off of my lap but I keep my arms tight around her waist and she groans.

"Paul, lets go." she whines and I shake my head against her shirt.

I sigh and let go of her after a minute and I take out my wallet and she finds hers in her purse since she insisted to pay for her own even though it's a used book store and they're ridiculously cheap.

Ah just another day with my Addie, this time in town at an empty book store playing an Elvis record I've danced to, cuddled to, shared smiles to and yeah made love maybe to once also. All with Addie in our reckless, free and you can't forget that they were very hormonal days too.


	20. Chapter 20

I blow the air out of my mouth between my lips while I stare at the whiteboard menu behind the counter where employees run around blending things, cooking coffee, steeping tea, making cookies and pouring drinks into ceramic mugs and plastic cups for the customers here at this cafe that goes by the name 'Jewels Cafe'.

"I've decided that I'm going to have a root beer float. I'm offering to buy, so you can get whatever you'd like, Ads." I announce as we stand next to each other and I quickly glance to the little tan couch over in the left corner that we claimed and where our books now sit. Luckily this place is rather empty, and people are nice and haven't bothered me.

"Alright, if you insist I'm going to have a strawberry lemonade." she answers and I glance to her and we exchange smiles while the line moves and it comes to be our turn and so we deliver our drink orders to the cashier who takes them.

I get out my wallet to give the cashier money for our beverages and then we're told they'll be ready in a couple of minutes so we walk over to the couch in the secret corner and I take a look around the shop where couches, chairs and tables are here for customers. Thankfully and also oddly none of them are looking at Ads and I, but I have my sunglasses on still. I'm just hoping that Ads and I won't get bothered here and it's looking pretty good for us so far, but I admit I doubt that things will stay so calm. The loud as well as crazy fans always pop out of somewhere at the times I expect them least to appear.

"Paul, hello? Is anybody home in there?" Addie teases as I had spaced out and now I'm staring at some painting on the wall left of us and my eyes flit back to her confused expression.

"Oh, I'm sorry, love. Were you saying something?" I reply and she sighs and looks back to the pile of her books.

"Never mind, it was nothing." she mutters while opening one of the books and I sigh and toss my arm around her shoulder as she's sunk into the couch.

"No, darling. I'm sorry I was just thinking, that's all. My ears are wide open. Go ahead and tell me." I urge her and she closes the book and lifts her brown eyes to look at me now.

"No, just forget it." she insists and then looks away to the wall that sits a few pictures and I move my fingers to her chin and I turn her head to look at me.

"I apologize for not listening before. I'm all ears now, dear." I attempt to soothe her I guess you could say and I lean in to kiss her on the lips.

"I was saying how I'm wondering what your plans are for this weekend." she repeats for me and I lay my hand on her exposed knee after she had moved the books to this small table to her left.

"I'm supposed to attend this party Monday with the other lads, I believe, but those are the only upcoming plans I have. Why do you ask, darling?" I answer her and she draws out her exhalation while avoiding my eyes as my fingers no longer sit under her round chin.

"Well I've had plans to go up to Liverpool to visit some friends and family and if you're not busy, I'm wondering if maybe we could go up there together." she suggests to me and I smile at her proposal.

"I'd love to go up to The Pool with you to see family and friends." I respond and she grins big before pulling me into a hug and I hug her back and kiss her cheek as we part.

"One medium root beer float and one strawberry lemonade." I hear an employee announce and then something catches my eye, a group of teenage girls eyeing us.

"It's him, isn't it? Oh my, it's Paul from the Beatles!" one of them announces awfully loudly and I grab the bag of Ads and I's books from that store and I grab her hand to get up.

"I'm sorry, love, but we have to leave." I apologize as we walk up to the counter where we grab our drinks and then we shuffle out of the store with the bunch of four girls trailing behind us.

"Paul, what's going on?" Addie questions and I take a glance behind us to see that the girls haven't given up so I round the corner with a tight grasp on her hand.

"Just stay close to me, Ad." I advise sternly and I duck around the back side of this alley where the back door of the cafe is where they must throw out the garbage.

I rest against the brick wall and I look to Addie who stands an inch in front of me with her drink in hand and the plastic grocery bag holding the books I had handed to her that sit draped on her shoulder while I still hold onto her hand which I let go of after noticing how hard I was holding it.

"Where could he have gone? Girls, do any of you see him?" I hear a teenage voice say that must belong to one of the girls and they walk right past us and down the rest of the alley, and then I look to Addie who looks bewildered.

She sighs and wraps her arms around me and I hug her back and kiss her soft hair while I breath a little heavy.

"Ads, are you okay?" I ask her and I rest my cheek on her blonde head.

"Yeah. I'm just a little scared." she responds and I nod to myself after lifting my cheek from her head and she looks up at me and I lean down to kiss her.

We kiss slowly for a number of seconds before we both pull away in a mutual departing and I comb her stray hair away off of her cheek where the wind had blown it.

"I'm sorry about that. I was really hoping that wasn't going to happen, but it was bound to, I suppose." I apologize and she shakes her head at my words.

"It's okay, Paul."

"I'm just happy that you're alright. It could've been much worse, so I'm glad it was only that." I tell her and she flashes me a small grin before pecking me quickly.

"I don't suppose we could go back to Jewel's?"

"No, not today, love. It wouldn't be safe. It's still really nice out though, so what do you say we bring these books back to the car and go on a walk?" I bring up and she nods her head and I take her hand again which I stroke my thumb along and I peek around the corner.

"Is the coast clear?" Addie whispers.

"Yup." I answer and I pull on her arm lightly and we exit the little entrance and we walk back to the car on the road to toss the bag of books on the back seat and then we start off on the sidewalk while sipping at our drinks.

"How's your root beer float, love?" she asks me and I swallow before answering her.

"It's delicious. How is your lemonade, dear?"

"It's very good. Thank you for buying." she responds and I nod my head once at her.

"It was my pleasure." I respond and she smiles before looking away and we turn a corner as the sun hits us and I look to our joined hands.

I glance around where we are as buildings line the streets and we cross the road to find ourselves on a stretch of sidewalk where now small trees and bushes line the stretch and a field for playing football and walking dogs is to our left. A little park.

"Do you still fancy walks?" I query and she drinks from her clear, plastic cup before answering.

"Yeah, I do. It's just nice to take a little stroll on a nice day like today with it not being so cloudy and especially not raining." she responds.

"I agree with you, love. I get sick of it raining just about every day, so it being like this is a great change."

"I think so too," she agrees with me and then she opens her mouth as if she's going to speak, but then her mouth closes like she had changed her mind. "I was thinking about leaving London just last month 'cause of this dreary British weather." she admits and my eyebrows raise slightly. What a surprise it is to hear her say that, but Addie's always been very strong willed.

"Is that still a thought you're having?" I ask and she shrugs her shoulders to let them fall with an unsure look playing on her looks.

"I kind of am, but I'm so close to Kat and now we're together again so I don't know." she responds and I nod my head.

"You aren't going to up and leave me to move to Paris one of these days, are you?" I question and she stops walking and turns to stand in front of me.

"No, Paul. Of course not." she reassures me and I kiss her cheek with a smile before we return to walking hand in hand.

"I reckon you see Kat's kids a lot then, huh?" I state while I watch a bird walk along the side of the grass probably searching for worms.

"I sure do. I've watched them grow up basically and I've sat for her kind of often for the past few years. They call me their auntie and ah, they're just so adorable."

"What are their names?" I ask her and we come across a wooden bench that we take a seat at and my hand moves to her knee where I place it.

"Callie, Joey and Kara." she answers and I nod my head with a smile.

"Those are cute names. I bet they are awfully adorable." I comment and she just smiles at my response and I notice her far away look and I gently rub her knee.

I suddenly think of how hard Addie was on herself when we lost the baby and how disappointed and sad she was. Although she didn't want to be a mother like just about every other girl has dreamed of being since they were old enough to play with dolls, she started to fancy the idea. I know that it really killed her that she lost that chance to be a mum after having gotten excited at the aspect of becoming a mother.

"Did you ever wish it was you who had fallen in love and had triplets instead of Kat?" I go out on a limb to ask her and she fiddles with the clear straw on her lemonade that she hasn't drank much from.

"Would it sound selfish if I said yes to that?" she sheepishly looks up at me and responds.

"I don't think I'm much of one to judge that, love. People are entitled to their feelings though. You can't change what you feel."

"I have wished that I had gotten that fairy tale like ending with the white picket fence, happy marriage and having babies, like Kat has sort of gotten. I've never told her of course, but I'm terribly jealous of her." she reveals and I move my hand from her knee to wrap around her and she rests her blonde mane on my shoulder and I tilt mine to sit on hers while I rub her shoulder.

"Just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean that it won't happen one day, darling."

"But I always thought that I'd end up doing something meaningful with my life by the time I was twenty five." she states sadly and I can't help but hate to see her feeling low like she is.

"Darling, twenty five is really young and what about the wonderful job you have teaching little kiddos about music? I know that you love it and I'm sure those kids look up to the fantastic teacher they have." I tell her even though the lads and I feel as if that twenty five is rather old.

"But you're twenty five too and you've already accomplished what somebody dreams to do in a lifetime. You're a celebrity and a rock star who thousands of people look up to and teenager girls have a crush on." she compares herself to me which is what I don't want her to be doing, and I sigh and stroke her cheek while her long fingers toy with the white buttons on my red shirt.

"Don't, Addie. We're two different people who have two lives. You are a wonderful person who is so nice, talented at the piano and so pretty." I attempt to make her feel better and she redoes one of the highest buttons on my shirt that she had unbuttoned and then looks back to me.

She just nods her head and then lays her head on my chest and I continue to rub her shoulder and I kiss her hair. I hope I make her happy and that I always will be able to.

**AN: Thoughts?**


	21. Chapter 21

"Don't be sad, love. It's a bright, sunny day. The birds are chirping and it's warm out. Plus we have cold drinks and neither of us had to work today." I attempt to bring out the brighter side of things like people always try to put across when all people can see is the bad in a situation.

"Yeah, good point." she responds softly and I kiss her forehead while she continues to toy with the buttons on my button down.

"Paul, can we just go back to your place?" she requests while I sip from my root beer float that is by now half gone.

"Yeah, love. If you'd like." I respond and she leaves my arms and I don't take her hand this time as we now are walking again and we cross the street and get in the car where neither of us says a word to each other.

I drove us back to my house in silence as we both work on our drinks and then when I arrive at the gate where teenage girls still surround I'm not all that pleased about having to get out and open it as well as close it after I pull into the driveway.

"_Paul! Paul! Can I have your autograph_?" one girl just about screams at me while I maneuver my way through them to get to the gate.

"_What about a picture_?" yet another girl asks me while I work on ignoring them.

"_Paul, who's the bird you're with_?" one that I can't see, but can only hear calls out to me.

"Girls, I need to get through. Can you please move out of my way so I can get into my driveway?" I state with my not so pleasant tone because I'm not having that great of a day right now and they're not doing anything to help it. Addie's sad, I couldn't enjoy a cold beverage with my girlfriend because of these bloody fans and now more of them will hardly let me get into my own house.

I finally get the gate open and I get back into the car to drive in and then I close it and pull up to in front of my house where I park my car. I shut it off and just sit there as Addie does the same while staying silent and I sigh and scratch my prickly chin that needs a shaving.

"Are you going to go back to work tomorrow?" I break the silence between us after I looked over to her car sitting to the side somewhat near my garage.

"I'm not sure." she responds quietly and I draw out my breath that I blow out.

"'Cause I was just wondering if you plan on staying again tonight or not." I explain for my question and I lift my head to see her shake hers.

"What, do you not want me to stay now?" she retorts and I bite my lip.

"Addie, I never said that."

"I can leave right now if you want me to." she states and I groan and then I hear the car door open.

"Don't, please. I want you to stay tonight and for us to have a great rest of our afternoon and for this uneasiness and tension between us to disappear. I don't want you to be sad and feeling like how you are. But if you want to leave, you can leave. I don't want you to feel like I'm keeping you here." I comment sternly and then I sigh and comb my fingers through my hair while I feel frustrated.

"Maybe I should. I-I have laundry to do, and the house really needs to be cleaned and I need to put new sheets on my bed." she decides and I nod my head.

"Okay. I'll ring you then or I'll see you soon, yeah?" I reply and she just gives me a nod of the head instead of saying yes with her warm voice.

We both get out of the car and she takes her lemonade with to place in one of the cup holders of her car and I walked over to open the gate for her, but I went over to the drivers side of her car before letting her out. She already has the window rolled down and I lean over and she gives me a little smile which I return before I awkwardly peck her on the lips.

"Goodbye." I mumble and she looks away for a second and then back to me. How did things turn so awkward in such a short amount of time?

"Bye." she murmurs in reply and then I stand up straight again to tread over to the gate with a disappointed look to let her out and she drives away leaving me standing there all alone. Being lonely sure does stink.

I shut the gate and gave a wave to the girls standing out front before getting the keys from the idle ignition of my car and to retrieve my root beer float I had set on the top of the car. I spotted the bag of books belonging to both Ads and I before shutting the door and I grabbed it and brought it into the house. I walked inside to find my kind housekeeper finishing up the dishes that were left from earlier and I said hi to her and then I wandered to the back door to find Martha playing with a toy in the backyard.

"Hey, girl. It's good to see you. I know I wasn't out that long, but I hope that you were a good girl while I was gone." I speak to her as I kneel on the cement next to the table while I scratch her furry head.

She whines and walks away over to the door and then she comes back to me to sit and whine some more and she looks over my shoulder as if she thinks that somebody else is coming outside. It all comes together why she's acting so odd and I back up to sit at the table and I snap my fingers for her to follow me.

"You're looking for Addie, aren't you, girl?" I ask her and she extends her neck to rest her chin right on my pants and I go back to petting her.

"I'm sorry, Martha, but Addie went back to her house. We kind of got into a fight, or maybe it wasn't even that 'cause we didn't really argue about anything. I don't really know what happened, love, but we weren't getting along all that fabulously and she said that she had chores to do at her house so she decided to head home." I explain to the dog who I now remember can't understand a single word of what I'm saying to her. I just like that she listens and also doesn't talk back to me.

I lean forward to kiss her soft head and I run my hands up and down her neck and underneath her collar where she likes it the most and then I stop with a sigh.

"She left her books in my car, that she had bought when we visited this place that sells books. She must of forgotten that they were on the back seat. I doubt that she even noticed she hadn't taken them with," I continue to speak to the dog who I appreciate to just listen to my rambling of words. "I miss her already, Martha." I finish and I pet her a little bit more while her chin still rested on my lap and then I followed her over to the grass where I picked up her ball and tossed it for her to retrieve.

"Martha, stop licking me! No, no, don't! Stop it, you silly dog!" I exclaim fifteen minutes later as she stands next to me licking my face while I squirm, smile and laugh at her making my cheeks wet with her slobber.

I sigh after she finally quits and then she whimpers and lays down by my side as I'm laying on the grass and she lays her big head on her long paws. I sit up and scratch her head a couple of times before heading back inside to eat dinner that my housekeeper Rosie has prepared for me and she gave me her goodbye before leaving while I was eating on the couch watching some boring program on the telly. I took up my time after eating the homemade dinner by playing my guitar and the piano some and I got some writing done in that time up in my music room that resides on the second floor of my house.

* * *

After I wrote as much of the song as I could I returned to downstairs to have a bowl of ice cream as it's now quarter after nine. I sure did spend a lot of time losing myself in my music upstairs with Martha sitting at my feet giving me some support and providing me with lovely company.

"I'm still missing her, Martha. All I wanna do is ring her up so I can hear her voice or have an excuse to see her," I take a pause to think and I suddenly remember those books that she had left behind. "I do have those books. I should just go see her, shouldn't I, Martha?" I finish and she perks up as she sits in front of me while I hold the empty bowl my chocolate ice cream was in.

"I'm sorry to leave you, darling, but I'm gonna go visit my Addie. I have go return those books to her and maybe I'll grab one of those small cartons of chocolate ice cream I have in the ice box. After all it is her favorite flavor like it is mine." I speak to the dog and I smile at her before setting the dirty bowl in the sink and I walk Martha to the front door where I let her out to go to the bathroom and then I let her back in.

I grabbed the plastic bag holding the books I had set on the table near the front door and I had already gotten the carton of expensive ice cream out from the ice box and now that I slipped on my leather shoes that are half red and half yellow I don't bother to toss on a jacket because of the warm summer nights London has been having lately.

* * *

I stand there at her white door with the bag in hand and the small carton as well that is the best ice cream in town. I had just rapped my knuckle against the wood and I'm hoping that this time she'll answer the door rather quickly so I won't sit here wondering if I should knock again or just leave. I was staring at my bright shoes when the door opened and I straighten back up to see Addie standing before me with her hand on the door while she's dressed in a pink nightgown that has thin straps and reaches to a few inches past her knees. Wowzer! I can't even find the words to say how stunning and attractive she looks right this second, because she's got my head spinning.

"Paul, it's late. Why are you here?" she asks in an almost caring tone and I blink hard and look back to her face before I answer her.

"You uh left your books in my car and I know how much you love chocolate ice cream, so I thought I'd um stop over. I hope I didn't come at a bad time, love." I explain myself and she backs up and uses her hand to motion me inside.

"I was just getting ready for bed, that's all. Thanks for bringing my books by. I remembered that I didn't bring them back with me only an hour ago, but I just thought I'd get them another day." she replies and I shut her door behind me and I hand her the bag and she takes the new carton from me while I remove my shoes.

"I had nothing else to do and I didn't like the note things ended on for us earlier, so I got the idea to stop by to drop them off and to maybe have dessert together." I state and I follow her into the kitchen where she sets the carton on the counter and I take a seat on her counter while she reaches up on her tippy toes for two bowls while I watch her.

She sets down two blue bowls and she gets out two spoons from the drawer at her waist while my eyes can't resist to look over her thin, but curvy figure that her nightgown is most definitely bringing justice to with how it falls over her hips, how it shows her flat stomach, and the way it reveals the chest she was blessed with. Even though it is rather revealing, it is mighty hot to be wearing long pajamas with the oddly warm weather we're having and boy does she look good in it. I tear my wandering eyes away from her familiar figure and I look to her tan hands that scoop the soft ice cream into the bowls.

"Here you go." she remarks as she hands me a bowl with a spoon it and I take it from her offering hand with a small smile and she places the cover back on the carton and then she places it in the freezer.

"Thanks for dessert."

"You're welcome, dear. I hope you like it." I reply and I get myself a bite of the ice cream I had a bowl of earlier, but this kind is so creamy and good that even though you kind of feel guilty for having a big bowl or two bowls like myself, it's just too sweet to put down.

I shovel a bite into my mouth and I grin briefly at the rich taste.

"I'm sorry for how I was acting earlier towards you and for being kind of moody," she apologizes and I look away from the ice cream to see her eyes that are darker than this ice cream to be staring into her bowl as she leans against the counter to my left with her tan legs crossed. "I just-."

"It's alright, love. I'm sorry that you were feeling down. I didn't want you to go, but I felt as if I was getting on your nerves, so I let you leave." I interrupt her speaking and she moves her eyes to look at me.

"Why are you so nice to me and so considerate?" she kind of ignores my response and I set my spoon back in the small bowl.

"Because you're human just like I am, Ads. I know that you have things going on. I have things going on too. Both of us have feelings just like any other person. We've gone through a whole lot of stuff together in our time and I know that you keep a lot of things inside 'cause you're afraid. The thing is, love, is that you can trust me. I promise that you can." I answer her and she nods her head silently with a small smile that I hope is supposed to be a grateful one. I just hope that she'll let herself open up to me and so we can have a true relationship that works and where we love each other.

**AN: Whatcha thinking? Liking it? Not liking it? Yay or nay? Boring? Interesting? I really would love to hear your thoughts!**


	22. Chapter 22

I set my ice cream down and she does the same with hers and I slide down from the counter to stand on my two feet and she turns to face me. She's the first one to speak.

"I've had a lot of stuff going on and I guess me not telling anybody about it has kind of backfired on me. Kat has been too busy taking care of her kids and being in love with her husband to have a good old phone call with me. We hardly ever get the chance to really spend quality time with each other anymore and I hardly speak to my siblings." she mumbles sadly and I focus on her solemn eyes that successfully avoid mine this second.

"We used to be best friends in high school, Addie. Ones that would felt comfortable telling the other anything that was going on with us. I want us to have that again, but it's a two person job." I comment and she nods her head while staring at her bare feet and I step forward to place my hands on her bare arms and her blonde head moves to look at me.

"I know, Paul. It's just hard to." she responds with words that I don't see a whole lot of sense in.

"Ads, when we were at the studio last weekend after everybody had left why did you tell me that you couldn't be with me? You said that 'you couldn't do this'." I ask her something that has been lingering in the back of my mind these past four days I've spent with her.

"I've just been exhausted from putting my all into relationships with men that didn't work. Plus I've been afraid that this won't work between us, and that we'll just end up fighting again constantly like we did the last time we were together. I can't go through that again." she answers me and my hands fall to her hands and I take her warm pair in my own.

"That's not all, is it?" I express my suspicion and she shakes her head while now looking at her tan feet where her toenails aren't painted and then she looks back up to me and I see the tears in her eyes.

"That night when we were playing piano together we were laughing and smiling, and I was having such a fab time with you, but I kept thinking about all of the things that we have happened together. All of the happy and sad memories we have together, the horrible rows we had, how the end of our relationship was a disaster, when I became pregnant and us losing the baby. I keep thinking about all of it and I know that I shouldn't, but I just can't stop. I'd be so much better if I got it off of my chest, but I don't have a choice because Kat isn't there for me anymore 'cause her children are her life and I don't have any friends other than her," Addie pauses because now the tears are coming down her cheeks and I raise my hand to wipe them away. "Sure I talk to some of the other teachers at the school I teach at, but nobody wants to talk to the bloody music teacher or be seen at the pub having drinks with them. I used to have guy friends, but all the bastards wanted was to get into my pants at the end of night after we hung out. Ah, I'm so pathetic." she concludes as my heart wrenches at watching her cry. I've never liked seeing people cry, especially a person that I love.

"You aren't pathetic and you don't need friends to be happy." I comment and she pushes my hands away to wipe her cheeks herself.

"It sure would help to have some." she grumbles and then I place my hand on the counter to support myself.

"I'll listen to you, Addie. You can talk to me about anything that you want. Please just let me listen and try to understand. I want you to be happy and I hate to see you cry. I want to help in whatever way I can." I offer her and I hold out my hand and she shakes her head and places her hand on her forehead like a visor and then she drops it while continuing to softly cry.

"Maybe we shouldn't be together again. We're too different. You're a successful musician and I'm some lonely music teacher who has problems. I don't want this to end badly again. I'm not the same person I was seven years ago and neither are you." she decides quickly and my heart drops at hearing her speak those final words.

"No, Addie, don't say that. We should at least try. We can make it work, darling. I know that we'll both regret this if we don't give this another shot. Yeah, maybe we will end up being with other people in the end, but lets not think about that right now," I pause to take in a shaky breath while I watch her cry with her hand over her mouth. "What about these past five days we've spent together, huh? We had fun together, and we laughed together. What about this new chance we've gotten, Addie? I don't want to give it up when I have it right here in my hands. I know something good will come out of it if we use it. Please don't do this, Addison." I finish and now I'm close to tears and I can feel my throat growing dry from the whirlwind of feelings I have going on and I try to hug her because I don't see any other solution in this situation, but she pushes my arms away and then turns around to put her back to me while I can hear her muffled sobbing.

"I love you, Addie. I can't lose you. I couldn't handle it. I'd be back here at your house every day knocking on your front door until you answered and ringing you until you picked up the damn phone. I'm not going to give up on you. I never did and I'm not going to now. You just have to let me help." I tell her and I walk around to stand in front of her shaking figure as she now has covered her face with her hands and she shakes her head.

I quickly wrap my arms around her while she squirms and I try to tuck her head under my chin, but she shoves at my chest.

"Stop pushing me away." I almost yell and she continues to shove at my chest while my arms struggle to stay around her and then she gives one last weak push and then she just collapses in my arms while crying.

"I'm sorry, for everything. I don't know what to do anymore." she cries into my chest while I now have her pressed against my chest with my arms wound around her trembling figure as I fight to not cry.

"I can help. I can love you, but only if you'll let me do both." I offer and she nods her head into my chest while her sobs ring in my ears and I massage her long back with my hands, to try and soothe her, but I can't tell if it's helping or if it's not.

I don't say 'don't cry', because we're far past that now so I just hold her close while running my hands up and down her back and trying to keep it all together for her. One of us needs to have our shit together, but it's hard on me to see her sad, crying and broken like she is in this moment. I pick her up and carry her somewhat light body up the stairs and into her room where I find her bed that now has brown sheets on it and I lay her down.

"No." she mumbles at me letting go of her and then she wraps her arms around my neck and I lay down with her and stroke her hair while her crying gets quieter.

"It's okay, Addie. It's going to be fine." I coo to her while I feel so helpless and stupid because I don't know what I should do to comfort her and get her to stop crying.

Shortly her crying stops altogether and because it's so dark in her bedroom expect for a faint light on her beside table I had to lift my side off of the bed to see that she's asleep with her head next to my chest. I sigh as I'm worn out too from what just happened so unexpectedly and I lay my head back on the pillow and I stare at the window where I see stars out of it that light up the dark blue sky and I remember how I used to sit in front of my window gazing at the stars as a kid, and trying to find answers to my problems in the star scattered sky. I never really did, but no matter what I was feeling or thinking all of my thoughts would go away because I would be focused on what constellation this one in the left sky is or if one of them is a far away planet and how I wish my dad had bought my brother and I a telescope like we asked him to when we were kids. Once again on this dreary, warm night I stare at them to get everything off of my mind and to find some answers to my burning questions and I did that until my eyelids grew too heavy and I fell asleep.

* * *

I'm confused when I open my eyes and find myself in a bedroom that is not my own and laying on a mattress that is smaller than the one I usually sleep in. Things begin to make sense and then fall together when my eyes come upon the sleepy eyed, blonde girl who's pressed up to the white pillow on her side of the bed and I look over her eyes that look not all that different from last night when tears were pouring from them.

"Morning, love." I greet her and I clear my throat after speaking and I resist the urge to brush my hand against her cheek and to tangle my fingers in her hair.

"Hi." she mumbles in reply and she looks away to her hands that sit on the brown sheets only a couple of inches from my own pair that linger at my sides where they feel restrained as I'm nervous to touch her. Things changed for us and between us in a matter of what must of been a span of thirty minutes last night and I still don't really know what happened.

"Are you going to work today?" I question after the facts of the world come back to me. It's Friday the thirtieth of June today.

"No." she responds simply while still avoiding my eyes.

"Don't you have to leave for work?" she asks and I realize that she must of forgotten that I told her I don't work until next week, but I reckon everybody misplaces things in their mind after having just woken up.

"No. I don't have to be in at the studio today and even if I had to be I'd still stay here with you," I take a pause and she shyly looks up at me. "I'm not leaving you until we talk about things and we decide if we're going to be in this relationship together again or not. Also so you can get everything off your chest and hopefully learn again that you can trust me." I conclude and she sighs and then throws back the covers and stomps out to downstairs.

"Addie, come back!" I call after her and I shoot out of the bed to follow her and I see her go down the hall and open the door and then try to shut it on me, but I get it open.

It doesn't just stop there, because she speeds away from me to downstairs and she grabs her coat from the chair in the living room and her keys and she walks out of the door.

"Where are you off to?" I bellow out to her as she walks in her slippers she somehow managed to get on in such a small amount of time as I speed walk behind her to her car with her in front of me by a few steps.

"I just want some peace and quiet, Paul." she replies and she slams the car door after getting in and I place my hands on the car door where the window rolls down to hide while she starts the engine.

"Let me come with. I can be quiet and I won't bother you, promise." I make something up on the spot as I'm afraid to watch her go out of my sight and she cocks her head to share my gaze after the engine comes to life.

"You're going to want me to talk about things and to answer questions. I'm not ready for all of that," she states and my eyebrows fall as I stand here leaning over dressed in my clothes from yesterday. "Please don't follow me. I need time alone." she concludes and then she presses on the gas and I try to follow after her but she leaves the curb with me there alone on the warm cement with no shoes on and my heart beating fast. Why aren't my legs moving to my car sitting a few feet away from me so I can go after her?

I don't know why I'm not disobeying her request to follow her by jumping in my car and speeding after her car that continues to shrink in my eyes as she gets farther and farther away from me with every second that I don't do something. I watched her drive away until she hit a turn or got too far for my eyes to see, and then I wandered back into her empty house that emanates her. Addie. The girl who I just let get away from me for whichever number it must be by now.

I woke up this morning, virtually ten minutes ago with renewed hope that maybe I could help her and that in me helping her she could help me. She could help me to finally get to know the Addie I never really knew and have always wished that I knew better.


	23. Chapter 23

**AN: Hey. So here I am with a new chapter and I just wanted to say that I hope some of you are enjoying these new parts, and that some of you actually like this story. Thanks for still reading it if you are. It'd be nice to hear what you think of the story, so don't be afraid to let me know. Enjoy! **

I can definitely say that this morning I didn't know that I'd be in for a crazy day and there are only more things to come with now her being gone going to who knows where and me sitting here in her living room on her couch running through my thoughts and wondering what I can do. What am I supposed to do now? In a second I become extremely worried and I find my chest to feel heavy and then I cry because I don't know if she's safe or what she's thinking. She was depressed and sad last night, that's for sure and I don't know if she was any better when she got up earlier. I wish I could know what she's thinking right now. I don't want her to do something that could be irreversible, but then again maybe she's just going out for a day by herself. She left in such a hurry though, in her nightgown and I know that she has little gas in her tank from the glimpse I saw of the meter yesterday before she left my house. I don't sob or cry hysterically, but I just had to get out all of the feelings I had last night and now the ones I'm trying to sort through now.

After recovering from that I gave my eyes a good wiping and then I took in a deep breath that I let out through my mouth to try and steady myself as well as calm down before I thought to call Kat who knows Addie better than I do. I hope it won't always be that way and that she'll open up to me finally. I went searching in the drawers in the cabinet right of the couch where a lamp sits and on the coffee table where things are all neat and tidy. I surprisingly didn't find a phone book and so I went over into the kitchen where I found a list of phone numbers on the side of fridge and I mentally noted Kat's home number in my mind as I walk back over to the phone in the living room.

"Kat?" I comment after I hear a female voice answer.

"Yeah. Paul, is that you?" she replies and I sigh and scratch at my chin that is starting to get a tad itchy.

"It's me. I know you're probably wondering how I got your number. I'm at Addie's place and I found it on the fridge," I stop to take in a shaky breath before continuing. "I've been here since last night when she just broke down from all of the stuff that's weighing on her. I told her that I wanted to talk about things after we woke up and then she just stormed out to her car and drove away."

I hear silence as if she's waiting for me to continue so I part my lips to do just that.

"She was crying so hard last night, Kat. I've honestly never seen her cry like that before. I don't know where she went and I'm worried mad about her. I don't know what to do."

"Oh, Paul. I don't know what to tell you." she lets my hopes fall with her disappointing words and I sigh.

"You know her, Kat. I don't and I never have really known Addie. She's been your best friend for the past eight years. Just skip the tough stuff and give me something good to go off on." I retort after my level of frustration grows.

"Okay," she decides and I hear her exhale during her short pause. "Sometimes she just drives anywhere, but she's so good with directions that she couldn't ever get lost. I don't know where she could of gone, that's the loss. I'm sorry, Paul. She'll come back. She will, because she always does."

"Alright. Thanks, Kat. I'll give you a ring after I see her." I remark before we both hang up and then I'm left with my buzzing thoughts that I can't escape.

Mittens the black cat treads over to jump up and nuzzle his head against my lap and I sigh and let my back fall against the cushions of the couch. My hand wanders over to the black coat of the cat who I pet mindlessly for a little bit while I have thought after thought. I looked to the clock sometime later to find that the long hand had just struck the twelve for it to be noon, and now I'm not even thinking about food or eating. Addie is the only thing on my mind. I'm wondering where on God's green earth she could be this exact minute while I wait for her. I had been ignoring my stomach so to speak, but actually I just didn't notice that it was feeling empty and rumbling so I finally had to leave the nice kitty cat to step into Ads' kitchen to find something to munch on. I'm sure she won't mind and plus I certainly can't starve. I found half of a cantaloupe wrapped up in Saran Wrap on a shelf of the fridge and since I like some good fruit every once in a while I cut up a slice that I had with a bowl of Cheerios as my lunch, even though it sounds more like it'd be for breakfast. Whatever though, because it was good and it hit the spot.

"Do you know where your food is, bud?" I ask Mittens who I figure is getting hungry around now as it's now quarter after one since I passed some time and took my mind off everything by watching a few cartoons on the telly. Now I'm leaning against the counter wondering where Addie would keep the cat food.

"Alright, Mittens. Do you eat it dry like dog kibble like my pup back home has or do you eat that stinky goop from cans that's supposed to look and taste like tuna?" I crouch down to be closer to eye level with the friendly feline and he just stares at me with his yellow eyes and I sigh.

"What, now I'm talking to cats? I'm famous and rich, and I have a life. Why do I keep talking to house pets? Bloody hell." I mutter to myself under my breath while I shake my head and stand back up.

I looked through the pantry up top, the cupboards in the middle that are apart of more of the pantry, the icebox that Addie has full with healthy foods as well junk food hidden in the back and at the bottom of those drawers. I didn't bother to look in the freezer up top, because who would honestly keep their cat foot in there? I'm an owner of a pet as well and I keep the food in a bottom cupboard in the bag I bought it in so I won't somehow lose it, but I don't find it in any of the low cupboards or drawers.

"Ads, why do you have to be so damn organized?" I grumble while I fail at finding the cat's food and then I walk over to the small closet and I open the door to find it sitting right in front of my eyes on a shelf next to cat treats and then the broom and mop is further back.

"What am I bloody thinking?" I groan aloud and I snatch it from the wooden shelf and I tread over to the rectangular dish and I open the bag to pour some into the side for food.

"There you go," I tell the pet and I see that he doesn't make any moves to nibble at it. "Aren't you going to eat any? Come on, I just spent twenty minutes or however long it was searching for this bag so you could eat." I continue to speak to the cat who walks off with its black tail pointed up at the sky with ego in it's steps and I sigh and roll up the bag to place back in the spot where I had found it.

I find myself sitting at the kitchen table only seconds later with my hands folded and the silence eating away at me. I'm not really the kind of person who can deal with boredom in all that great of a manner, you could say. I get the thought to stop over to my house to change clothes, freshen up, let Martha out, fill her dishes and then pick up my guitar to come back over. I even got up from the chair and I had slid my shoes back on, but when I was about to place my hand on the door knob I stopped myself, kicked off my shoes and sat back down at the round table. What if she comes back while I'm away? That's what I suddenly thought of and what made me walk back over here to return to my boredom to sit back in it again. I don't want her to come back and find her house empty and me nowhere in sight. Perhaps that's how she hopes to find her place when she returns, whenever in the hell that will be, but if I can make it that she won't come back to endure her lonely house then I'm going to sit here until she returns from whatever she is doing. Wherever she went where she didn't want me to follow. Maybe I've decided to wait here for her because I want her to know that I am really here for her, and to show that in actions rather than just saying it. Anybody can say something, but if they can really follow through and show it in their actions then I reckon they really mean it. Or maybe that's just how I'd like to think it goes. I just want her to see the support I'm offering by me being here when she walks back through the door to face me. She can't run away and not come back, and I couldn't see her doing that. Then again maybe that's what I'm hoping for. I don't want her to do something she might regret one day.

I'm tired of this waiting game where I don't know if she'll pull up to her little apartment in two minutes or in six hours, as I stare at the oak table twenty minutes later now at five minutes to two. She's been all that I've been able to think about the past almost week and now she's filling the corners of my mind with her often smile, her brown eyes, and her thin lips that I miss kissing right this minute.

I think of how now as an adult she's still self conscious, but I think that she has less reasons to be than when she was seventeen because somehow she's only grown more attractive. That's in my eyes anyways. I remember the way her skin feels under the tips of my fingers and how it felt having her tan hand intertwined in mine. I think of how happy and content I would feel waking up in her arms or her in my own and how I liked stroking her hair and admiring the features of her long body until she woke up from her love induced sleep from when we had made love the night before or any time we cuddled together or shared a nap in the same bed. I don't get why she had to leave and why she couldn't of just stayed and faced it. She knew that I have questions for her and that I wanted to listen to what she had to say, but she shouldn't of been so damn afraid to reveal it all to me. I'm not going to judge her or laugh at her. I just want to give her comfort in any way if I possibly can and to get things figured out so we can move past this. I'm afraid that at the end she won't want to be with me still, and how that scares me silly. I continue to stare at the funky, yellow clock that now reads a minute after two o'clock. Two hours have felt so incredibly long.


	24. Chapter 24

**AN: I just want to say thank you so much for your support for this story and for still reading it. I really enjoyed writing this part and the last few, by the way :) I sure hope you're enjoying this story and if you wanna let me know what you think of it, feel free. Thanks.**

I get up from the stiff wooden chair that is causing my bum to grow numb and I lay down on the couch and flipped on the telly to hopefully make the time go by faster. It didn't seem to all that much because I looked to my watch shortly after I had settled on a program and the time just seemed to be floating by slower and slower. The opposite of what I'd like to be happening right now. I felt my eyes start to droop as I watch the Beverly Hillbillies running about in front of me acting goofy and arguing with each other while out on some adventure and then I conked out on her couch while Addie's lovely face was a picture in my mind.

* * *

The murmur of the tv in the background and of the feeling of Mittens laying next to me on the couch didn't bother me or wake me while I slept and then when I heard the loud bang of a car door being slammed I awoke with a start and sat up because I thought Addie had come back, but after I sat there with tired eyes for a couple of minutes I realized it was a false alarm. It was just a neighbor after all. It must of been that. I lay back down with a disappointed sigh escaping my lips and I look back to the telly's screen and I let my fingers comb through Mittens' thick hair. I take a peek at my expensive watch placed on my wrist that now says it's twenty after four. To my surprise as I'm now watching the I Love Lucy tv program I hear the swift click of the front door's handle turning and I slowly peek around the corner of the couch's arm to see the girl I've been thinking constantly about these past four hours standing in the door with wet hair, and in a beach type dress reaching past her smooth knees.

"Addie." I state softly as I blindly reach over for the remote to shut off the telly and then I sit up to see her figure in the same spot holding a cloth bag and a beach towel.

"You're still here." her sugary voice speaks and I nod my head at her words as I feel as if I haven't seen her in ages. Worry can do a lot of things to a person.

"Of course I am. I told you that I wasn't going to leave until we got everything settled." I explain myself and she nods once and then looks to the floor and then her eyes flit to Mittens.

"Did he get fed?"

"Yeah. It took me awhile to find the food, but I gave him his lunch," I pause to look over her wet hair and thin dress. "Did you go for a swim after all?"

"Mmhmm, to clear my mind. I should probably go rinse off quick. I'll be back down shortly." she remarks and I nod my head slowly as my eyes follow her to the flight of stairs where she disappears from my sight. Addie has always loved a nice swim, and in school she was so ticked that the school or any others in the area didn't have a proper swim team.

I'm sure she would've out swam any person she would of been pitted up against if the school had actually organized a girls swimming team or any at all. She won't let hardly anybody change her mind like I've said before and when she finds something she wants, she makes sure that she gets it. My eyes hover back to the tv and I pet Mittens again who woke up as well from probably the door opening and I stare blankly at the screen.

"Lets hope I won't mess it up with her this time around, huh?" I whisper to Mittens and he purrs at me scratching his neck.

I looked at the screen showing in black and white with my hand caught in the pet's fur until I heard her footsteps coming down the stairs and my eyes find her to be dressed in a long dress similar to the one she wore earlier but this one has yellow as well as white stripes. It has thick straps and it doesn't have any cleavage, but it looks nice on her nonetheless. She stopped in the middle of the kitchen from the stairs, but then she lightly shakes her head and walks off into the kitchen, rudely acting as if I'm not sitting on the couch and have been here ever since she made that coward move to leave as her escape from me and this world she lives in. So to speak.

"What, are you not going to speak to me?," I ask her as I leave the couch and travel over to her where she stands in front of the counter with her back to me. "We can't keep putting this off, Ads. We need to get things settled, but you can't just run away again because you don't want to do it right this minute." I finish while she looks at the glass in her hands as a pitcher of seemingly juice is next to it and her hands leave it as she turns her body to face me.

"I'm sorry that I left." she apologizes with a sad look.

"Ads, you said that you were sorry about whatever the heck happened last night and then you just ran off this morning." I make a point to her, or at least I try after things from last night come to mind.

"What do you want me to say?" she questions and for the hundredth time in my life her brown eyes get me.

"I want you to say that we can work on us, and that you'll tell me what's bothering you so badly."

She sighs and I step forward to hold her hands and then she looks to our pair that are joined and she sighs and her hands slip from my own.

"I don't know how to patch things up and to just confess everything so easily, Paul." she admits and I stuff my hands in my pant's pockets while her irises bore into mine and her pupils become black holes I'm getting lost in.

"Neither of us said that it was ever going to be easy to do, love. Just that it'll be worth it in the end." I hope that I'm giving her something to work off of, but what if it won't be worth it?

She nods her blonde head at what I have to say and then I tilt my legs to lean my side against the counter and I sigh while thinking of what it is I should say to her next.

"Lets just start with one thing that you're ready to talk about." I advise and she picked something after having to think about her choice for a second and we then wandered over to the couch where we could talk comfortably.

After a little bit of kind of warming up to each other she got some things off of her chest that I could tell she wanted to just get out into the air and I listened to her just like I said I would. In the following two hours we spoke about a bunch of things. She told me that at first before we hit it off she actually fancied John. Another thing she revealed that was surprising to me was that she always felt as if she wasn't good enough for me in school and maybe still now. Not pretty enough, smart enough, popular enough and that according to her that she wasn't enough for me. That she didn't live up to some set of standards.

"Darling, you've got it all wrong," I pause to collect my thoughts while I look over her soft looks that have relaxed in the past two hours as we've been planted on this piece of furniture. "You've always been more than enough for me. I fell hard for you, so in love with you, Ads. I knew that I was losing you at the end 'cause of those blokes that kept hitting on you 'cause you're so gorgeous. I'm sorry if I didn't appreciate you enough or if I ever made you feel like that. I never meant to."

"I know that I didn't treat you in the ways you deserved to be all of the time and I wasn't as good of a boyfriend that I could've been. I'm sorry for that too." I apologize again for something that is closely related to what I was just speaking about and I think about telling her that I cheated on her, but frankly I don't want to get into that and we've spoken about how we want to start over fresh and new.

She leans in for a hug that I didn't see coming and I join in for the hug and I rub her back a little bit while we take our time.

"We both were slacking and not trying as much as we could of been, Paul. What happened with the fighting, how we drifted into being other people in the end and how things just fell apart was my fault too. It was fifty-fifty. I want you to know that I forgive you." she speaks into my shoulder and I breathe a sigh of relief.

"Thank you, Addie. I forgive you too, darling."

We part from the hug and I smile first and then she does next and I feel so glad to see her lips pointing up and not down this time. I let my hand fall upon her cheek and I think about kissing her, but I resist and my hand returns to rest on my thigh. We went on to talk about how she's always felt about losing her father who she wonders if he would of been proud of her and what he would of thought of her having gotten pregnant at seventeen. We discussed her siblings who she's tried to have relationships with but who just won't put in the work and then she told me how relieved and whole she felt when her mother and her settled things. I couldn't be happier for her about that, but yet I still look at her sad face that isn't glowing or beaming like I wish it was.

* * *

I comb my hair back as my other wrist is raised to see the time as it's now a few minutes past seven. We've been talking about everything and anything these past three hours. We talked about why we fought so much and how we didn't really know the answer to why, but we decided that something had to be done so it wouldn't happen again. We came across the topic of that we need to have better communication if we are going to continue this second try at being a couple. A question that not her and not me has mentioned yet is if we are going to stay together, and one in which I'm nervous for us to speak about. I don't want this to come to an end. We spoke about if we did satisfy the other and if that's something we need to work on, but we concluded that things have for the most part always been good for us in the romance department and in the bedroom.

"Ad, I know that you probably don't want to talk about this and I don't really want to either, but we need to talk about when we lost the baby. I think we both just avoided it until the end to speak about." I announce after we had gotten up for something to drink and then sat back down.

"I knew it was coming. There wasn't a way to avoid it." she comments while holding her glass of iced tea and I glance away from my clear glass to look at her.

"I reckon that there's a lot unsaid about it and that we need to talk about it. It'll do us some good, you know." I remark and she reaches over to the table to set her glass down and I do the same so we're not distracted by them and so we can direct our attention to this conversation that I'm glad we finally started and now seem close to ending.

I know that we both have a lot of undeclared feelings, questions, thoughts, opinions and plenty of other things that we feel and have thought about that baby of ours that we were close to having in our last year at the formal grammar school in Liverpool we attended together. This one is just about the biggest of them all.


	25. Chapter 25

Her pink lines of lips open to speak and I soon hear her voice flowing from between them to penetrate my ears.

"I've never said this aloud, but I've always felt that something went wrong in my body that caused the baby to die. I know that the doctor said that it was something to do with the genes of the baby or how the baby possibly had something with wrong with it, and it couldn't live any longer, but I couldn't help but to think that all of these years. You hear it in magazines or books about a lady not being able to have kids or carry a baby for nine months because their body just isn't equipped for that, even though the body of a woman is specifically made to grow a baby and give birth to it." she admits and my hand floats over to hers and I just let my thumb move back and forth along the skin below her knuckles in a way that's supposed to be comforting.

"I don't think it was you, Addie. You were doing all of the things the doc told you to do so you could have a good pregnancy. You took those vitamins, stayed away from smoking and drinking, took it easy when you didn't feel well, got plenty of rest, ate right, you even spoke to the baby well we both did and you did your best to provide for the baby," I take a pause to register her small smile that now lingers on her lips and I give her hands a small squeeze with my own and she returns it. "I don't want this to sound bad, so don't get me wrong but maybe it what was supposed to happen. It happened so fast with you getting pregnant at our ages of seventeen and it would've done a lot to our lives. We wouldn't of been able to have the careers we have today and I don't think the fighting would've gotten any better with us having a baby." I reply to her words and she nods her head before adding on to my sentence and this nervous topic at hand.

"Do you think it happened in that way because we didn't necessarily want the baby in the beginning?" she suggests and I shrug my shoulders.

"I couldn't tell you, Addie. Neither of us are doctors and those medical people don't know much about it anyways. I wish that I knew what exactly happened, darling. I do." I give my opinion on her thoughts and I look down to our hands as I still run my thumb along her hand.

"Do you remember when I had to go get a check up a few weeks later?" she queries.

"Yeah. Kat gave you a ride after school that day." I answer and she nods slightly before adding on to that.

"It was the same doctor that treated me while I was in the hospital and then he said he wasn't sure what was the cause. He ran ton of tests at my appointment to try and see if they would tell him anything, and he decided that some babies just don't develop properly because the placenta wasn't nourishing the baby well enough, or something wasn't right with the baby's chromosomes but he said that it was just 'one of those things'. I asked him if it was my fault or because of my body and he told me that it wasn't either." she finishes and I nod as I look at her eyes and then she sighs and glances down at our hands.

"I told you that it wasn't your fault and that there isn't anything wrong with your body." I comment and she smiles briefly and she looks up and tilts her blonde mane to rest it on the couch.

"But what if one day I want to have a family with a man and it happens again? That's what I worry about sometimes." she asks me in what I think to be in a theoretical way. She thinks too much.

"The best doctors say that it's usually a one time thing."

"Where did you hear that from?" she inquires with her squished eyebrows and I smile and move my head to the couch while I still look into her browns.

"I had a lot of questions and thoughts after you miscarried and I couldn't think of anybody to tell them to, except my mum but she's gone. So I rode my bike down to the library a week after it occurred and I found this thin medical book on miscarriage and I sat there for a couple of hours on this Saturday skimming through it and reading little bits of it. It had a section on genetics and chromosomes like we already know about. Also one on things not functioning properly in the female system. Another was on the mother's lifestyle with drinking, smoking, taking drugs and that kind of thing, but I didn't read any of it because I know that you aren't all that into that stuff anyways," I take a pause to remember this time back in the day. "Then on the very last page it said that doctors still aren't that positive on what things or factors cause for a miscarriage to happen."

Not a word is said for a minute while the silence has resumed between us and I realize that I hate the silence because I don't know what she is thinking and how she's feeling exactly. I glance up from our paired hands to see her still staring at them that aren't laced together with our fingers or anything, but I like to hold hands this way sometimes just for the change.

"It wasn't your fault that the baby died, Addie. The blame isn't on anybody." I state and her dark eyes flit to mine and she doesn't nod or say anything, but I know that somehow she accepts it.

"I wished the baby hadn't of happened at first, you know. I never told anybody that and I was always afraid to admit it to you, but I didn't think that anymore after the first two weeks of us knowing you were pregnant." I admit into the warm air of the apartment and I devote my eyes to her.

"I did too, Paul," she takes a pause while looking away at the floor where she tends to look to avoid somebody's eyes and then she looks back to me with her eyes that are sadder than they were before. "I didn't want to have to worry about growing a baby inside of my body, and having to always think of them first. I didn't want to endure the puking early in the morning and after meals. I was so afraid of what people at school would say and what my family would think. I didn't want the huge belly that would've of gotten in the way of everything. I worried about school and how you were going to react when I told you. I was immature and a selfish teenager at the time though." she concludes and I spot a gleaming tear roll down her cheek and I reach my free up hand to her cheek to dab it away.

"I was thinking the same things, Ads. You're not alone in that. I worried about having to find a place to stay for us and having to purchase all of that baby stuff with the money that neither of us had. I didn't like the thought of being up all night taking care of a baby and having to deal with stinky diapers. I thought about what it would mean for us and how things were going to change for us whether we liked it or not," I stop to think and take a breath while her irises are positioned on me. "I was considering buying a ring and asking you to marry me, you know. I never bought one, but I looked once or twice when I was at stores just to see what the prices were. It's what my dad told me I should do and I felt at the time that us being teenagers and having a baby would be more acceptable that way. But we fought and maybe we fell out of love with each other too."

She doesn't look away from me this time as silence is heard and we look at each other back and forth with our straight lips and closed mouths.

"Do you feel bad about not doing it?"

"Yeah, kind of. I felt that maybe it was what I should've done, but still I know that it wouldn't of worked and that it just wasn't what was supposed to happen at the time. We didn't get along and-." I reply before she jumps in to speak.

"You don't need to feel bad. We couldn't get along at the end the way our relationship was going and it wouldn't of worked out then anyways. We both know that, and us breaking up proved it." she eases my thoughts and little guilt about that and I grin at her saying that, giving her a silent thank you with my lips.

She doesn't speak and neither do I for a second and I hear the shrill sound of the phone ringing that sits on the cabinet behind me, but Addie doesn't move a muscle to get up and answer it so I try to drown out the noise the best I can.

"Remember that Friday night we set aside to look through baby books for names that we wrote down on that pad of paper?" I ask her and she soon smiles and I light up at witnessing her bright smile for what must be the millionth time in my twenty five years of existence.

"How could I forget? It took us twice as long as we both thought it would take. We spent hours trying to find at least five boy names and five girl names that we both liked and felt okay to name our child." she comments and we both burst into some laughing that was a relief from the seriousness that came from all of the talking from before and I smile to myself as the laughing dies away.

"We only got two for each that night, didn't we?"

"Yup. I remember that we had Danielle and Grace for a girl and Adam for a boy." she confirms my suspicion and I remember the moments we found those names.

"Those three ring a bell, but I can't remember the other boy name we had." I remark and her eyebrows fall and she scratches at her now hardly damp hair while thinking and then she shakes her head.

"I can't think of what it was either. I thought it was going to be such fun picking out names, but you were so damn picky that it was just a nightmare." she remarks and I see a smirk creep up onto her lips and then she begins to giggle and I shake my head with a grin.

"Oh no, I think you've got it wrong. You were the one out of us two that was so particular about the choice of name and what it's meaning is. I just didn't like a couple of names that you suggested and just about each one that I liked you shot down!" I exclaim with a playful smile and she shakes her head with her dreamy laugh playing out from between her lips.

I watch her with my smiling lips as she just laughs and then her giggling fades away and her eyes focus on me and her lips shrink to be straight lines again.

"What?" she asks while I feel lucky to be in her lovely presence.

"Our baby would of been adorable either way, you know, because you're such a natural beauty, Ads. You really are." I speak the words softly and I see her lips turn up for just a quick second and then she lifts her head off of the couch and her hand falls out of mine to flit to my cheek and I notice her face getting closer to mine. But I thought that she wasn't sure about where we stand now.


	26. Chapter 26

**AN: Meant to update sooner, sorry. Hope ya like it.**

"Addie, what about what you said last-." I get cut off from finishing my sentence with her speaking and I suddenly smell roses because she is so close to me now, even though she had just bathed before coming back down here earlier.

"I know what I said." she replies and my eyes flit to her parted lips and I look from her irises to her lips one more time before I feel her lips on mine and I don't hesitate to kiss her back.

Although I'm confused about why we're kissing right in this moment, and how I think that we had more to speak about I kiss her back and by instinct my hands go to her back and I feel hers move to my neck and tangle in my hair all while her lips are making movements with mine. I somehow found the heart to break away from the kiss and when I open my eyes I see her pair sitting on me while her warm hand had moved to my cheek where it now sits. I can faintly hear her breathing while her eyes work their wonders on me and we both seem to be confused and maybe shocked too.

"Addie, I want us to decide if we're going to be together still before we let anything else happen." I announce and her hands fall from my body and mine from hers and we sit back a little with our faces now more than two inches away from the others like they were before.

"I want to be with you, Paul, but again I'm just scared that the fighting might come back and that we'll break up again." she tells me with help of her eyes that hold so many emotions in them.

"It won't be like last time. I promise, Addie. We can change things for the better and continue to be happy like we have been these past five, almost six days." I comment and her eyebrows fall into a sad look and I let out a shaky breath kind of as my response to that as I think of what to say or if she is going to say anything.

"I don't want to be hurt again. I know that I was the one who did the breaking up between us, but it wasn't easy for me to get over you. I thought about you every day for weeks, for months. I missed you more than I ever have before and I missed you a lot while you were gone in Hamburg, believe me," I don't notice her pause as I'm staring into the kitchen and I look back to her to see her tearing up, the sensitive girl. "It was a good relationship in the beginning, but in the end it was a bad one, and we both know that it was. We didn't stay loyal to the other and I'm sure that the lines of being faithful weren't kept, Paul. I just don't want to go through all of that hurt again that I did when we broke up."

"But it was seven years ago, Addie. I've changed and you changed. We're not immature teenagers anymore who now have jobs, a place to live and an independent life of their own. We already decided that we were going to give this another go, please don't bail on me now." I mumble sadly to her and I turn to face the table and I rest my arms on my legs while I'm hunched over somewhat with thoughts racing in my head.

"I don't want to hurt you, don't you know that?" she comments sadly with the tears that I know are going to come soon since they're hinting in her voice.

"I don't want to hurt you either, Addie, but I want to be with you so badly. You came back into my life at the best time a couple of days ago." I reply while I don't look at her or into her eyes that make it harder to say what I want to say and know what I have to say.

"I love you, Addie. I've had such a hard time telling the girlfriends I've had since you that." I mutter while the strong tears well up in my eyes and and they escape from my eyes and I sigh loudly while my lip quivers. I bloody hate crying.

"I've had the same problem too."

I don't say anything in response to what she just said as I don't bother to mop up the tears from my cheeks while I think about how I never thought that it would come to this. We were together and things were looking good for us just two days ago and somehow in the last day things shattered and now they're in a hundred places that I don't know how to put back together or where I should even start with that hard task.

"Can't we just take this chance, Ads?" I ask her as I turn my head to look at her solemn face that has a frown on it, tears staining her gorgeous oval of a face and her lips that are unsmiling like I've been finding them lately.

"Please? We were just kissing a minute ago. Why can't you just have some hope that things will get better and not be like how they used to be? I know that I can be hard to be around and that I'm not perfect, but I'm not any more perfect than other man in this world. I have bad temper, I know that, and that I yell and have a hard time containing my anger. I know that because of me being in a band I'm not around a lot, but we're not touring anymore so that's something," I take a pause as my eyes are locked on hers. "I missed you more than I'd probably like to admit these last seven years and I thought about you. You'd come to mind when I saw something that'd remind me of you. I'd see licorice at the store, your favorite candy or hear Mr. Sandman by Dickie Valentine on the radio or in the record store, your favorite song. I always wondered how you were doing and if you had married and most importantly if you're happy. I secretly hoped that maybe we would run into the other and get talking again, but I didn't think it would be this hard or mean so much to me if we were to get back together." I finish and I had shed some more tears during my sentences there that are addressed to her as I stare at the table.

"I love you. I want to make you happy, and laugh. I want you to be the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning. I want for you to be my best friend again. I want to actually get to know the real Addison Mitchell. I want to stop missing you. I don't want to be away from you any more than I have to be. I want to make everybody jealous because we're happy and in love. I want to spend my nights with you sitting somewhere maybe under the stars or in front of a fire with my arm around you and us being happy together. I want to take this risk together to be a couple again. I want to be that shoulder you cry on after a long day that was rough and where you just wanted to come home to me and tell me all about it. I just want you, Addie. Isn't all of that enough for you to see that I've changed and that I'm going to really try to make this work with you a second time around?" I conclude and I take in a deep breath after rambling all of that out and I cover my face with my hands to cry. I don't want to cry, but it feels like the only thing that feels right now.

I look over to Ads herself and she looks incredibly frustrated as well as sad with one hand on her face as she stares at her feet and I wait for her to say something as an answer, but she doesn't.

"I can't sit here any longer waiting for you, Ad. But I need an answer from you, and a good one at that. I think I deserve at least that." I announce and I leave the couch I had sank into during these past almost three hours and I get my shoes on and I don't bother to look back before I walk out the door to get in my car and speed away into the early night as the sun begins to set. I hope I didn't just blow it with her again, but I tried to settle things for the good.

I drove home and spent the rest of my lonely night with cuddly Martha who listened to my ramblings and licked at the tears on my cheeks as we spent the night on the couch with her as my ears to talk to and have somebody to listen to me.

"I love her, Martha. I think she loves me, but she keeps on changing her mind and it's really messing me up." I tell the dog and I move my head to look at the pet who stares up at me with those black eyes of hers.

"I don't know what to do, girl. I don't know if there's anything I can do. I reckon that now I just have to give her time to make her decision, but I'm not sure how much more waiting I can do," I take a pause. "Ah, love really hurts. Never fall in love with a boy dog, okay, Martha? You're just going to be my girl forever and ever." I finish and I turn to lay on my other side and I drape my arm over her slightly matted coat and she yawns.

"Ugh, you need to brush those teeth of yours and get some mouthwash, girl. I'm sorry, but I don't think any boy dogs would want to be kissing you right now with that breath of yours, darling." I tease her and I grin and briefly laugh as I comb my tan fingers through the thick fur of her coat that is hard to keep free of tangles.

I sigh and rest my head on the pillow and I glance to the shut off telly that I would turn on to occupy my thoughts and time for the being, but I turned it on earlier and nothing good was on unfortunately. I fall asleep on the couch later that night with the sheepdog cuddled up to me and she proved to become a good pal and an even good listener as well as cuddle buddy over the next week while I hanged out at home writing songs, playing my music, and sitting by the phone thinking that maybe just maybe I'd hear from Addie but I didn't get anything.

* * *

My days turned out to be nothing special and nothing to relay into a journal or to a friend with a happy smile, because I just spent them at home with my dog and with my guitar and then I spent the last five at the studio. I talked on the phone a few times with John about studio stuff and then I finally broke the news to him about what's going on between Addie and I.

"I hope I have this right. She said she wasn't sure if you two should be a couple anymore and then while you were having this big life talk she kissed you and then she was having doubts again while you were pouring your heart out to her?" John replies into the phone while I sit on the arm of the couch with a ciggie between my first and second finger of my left hand.

"You could call that a brief summary of what went on, I guess you could say." I reply as I blow out the smoke between my lips.

"Are you mad at her? If you are I don't blame you at all, mate."

"I'm not sure, really. I don't want to be mad at her 'cause if things don't turn out for us in the end, then I don't want me being angry with her to make me moving on any harder. I'm frustrated and mad about the whole situation though 'cause I'm willing to try and go to all of these lengths for her, but now she can't stick with a decision. Plus I have hardly anything to go off from about where we stand and how good my chances are with her right now." I answer him and I raise my hand to take a pull off the cigarette.

"You love her, I know that damn well and you're not one to give up easily. Hell I've known that you love her for over eight bloody years and I had a feeling that you never fully got over her." he mumbles and I briefly hear voices in the background that probably belong to Cyn and Julian.

"I'm just so confused with what I should do. I don't want to put more pressure on her, but two days has felt so long to me already." I end my words with a sigh and I empty my ashes into the tray on the coffee table. Why does love to be so hard this time around when I've already declared my love out loud for her and to her?


	27. Chapter 27

I shake my head at the thought and my eyes flit to Martha who takes up half of the rug with her long and fluffy body as she stares out the window with a far away look in her black eyes.

"You're not a thirteen year old lad having his first girlfriend, Paul. You have experience on the dating scene, plenty. You'll know when to call her or stop over to her house to talk some more or when to give her space. I'm sorry to cut this little girly talk short, but I have to go take Julian for a swim in the pool. I'm on pool duty today."

"Alright, and thanks for listening, John. It's nice to have somebody other than my dog listen to my talking about feelings and all." I respond while I scratch the skin above my lip that is now smooth from having shaved this morning as its now two in the afternoon.

"You need to get out and visit the clubs, mate, so you can stop talking to your dog. I'll talk to you later."

"Ta and bye." I respond before placing the phone back on it's hook and finishing off my ciggie.

I thought about what John had to say for a minute and then I decided to take his advice about getting out and going to a club, so I spent the rest of my day writing, eating food and watching the telly until night came and I left the house for the first time in two days to spend my night at a club all alone. Or so I thought I'd be spending my lonely night alone, but that's not how my night turned out to be actually. I didn't know at that moment how thankful I'd feel at the end of the night that I did go to that club.

I walk in the door to be hit with the loud noise of music playing that comes from the stage up front and the smells of food and cigarette smoke come at me fast as I step a foot into the building. I remove the ciggie from my mouth to blow out the smoke as I slowly walk in and I look around to see if I recognize anybody here and I spot George and his blonde wife Pattie by his side in a black booth across from a friend of his and some bird on his arm, a guy that I've met a couple of times.

"Hullo, Paul." George greets me as I drag a chair over to sit by them and I nod while taking another drag from my ciggie.

"Hi, George. How are all of you?" I reply as I cross my legs and listen in on the conversation about some musician who doesn't sound familiar to me.

I sigh and look around to see who else is here in the clumps of couples dancing, people laughing as well as smoking and talking. I turn back to the booth I sit at the head of while my cigarette sits between my thumb and pointer finger and I look ahead of me towards the dance floor where more and more couples are. I turn my body just to take another glance and I spot a long body with a head full of shoulder length blonde hair that's brighter than usual due to the summer sun. I know that blonde hair. I've ran my fingers through it too many times to count on my two hands. I put out my ciggie that was getting close to it's end anyways and I look to the booth that now only sits George after I had heard the shuffling of footsteps.

"Where'd the others go?" I ask as he has a drink sat in front of him.

"Bathroom and for another drink, I suppose." George answers and I nod my head and glance over to that blonde across the room who keeps catching my eye.

"Hey, isn't that-." George questions as I'm still looking over in that direction.

"Yeah, it's her." I cut him off and then I look back to the table we sit at and his eyes wander back to me.

"John told me what happened between you and Addie. I was sorry to hear about it." he states and I groan.

"He told you? Bloody hell. I don't want the whole damn world knowing more about my love life," I take a pause to sigh as I knead my temples. "Plus I don't want her getting crap for it from the fans and the press. She never asked for it." I conclude and then I look back up at the guy who I've known since the days of when we road the school bus together and when we got on talking about the music we like and guitars.

"Why aren't you over there talking to her?" he ignores what I just said seemingly and responds with a question.

"'Cause she hasn't spoken to me in the last week and I don't want to make things any worse than they are right now." I answer him and he cocks his head to look across the room to the round, two person table that sits the lonely blonde and nobody else.

"Perhaps she's waiting for you to speak to her and make the first move. You two always seemed like you were meant to be, you know."

"I'm not so sure about that anymore, son." I remark and I excuse myself to get a drink at the bar where couples sit, quiet business men as well as celebrities and young adults who just turned the required age to drink.

I return to my seat with a small drink in hand and I take a gulp from it before setting it down on the table space in front of me as George and I still sit alone.

"Well if you aren't going to speak to her, then I am. I haven't spoken to her in seven years." he announces and he stands up before I have time to protest.

"Do you really want me to go talk to her that badly?"

"Yes, I do, because although you've been trying damn hard to hide it, we all know that you're disappointed about what has happened between you and Addie. You never wanted it go the way it did and we know that you're hurt. It couldn't do any bad to get up, to over there and ask to buy her a drink. She already looks lonely enough as it is," he takes a second to clear this throat before continuing. "And do you want some other bloke coming up to her and asking her to dance? Uh oh, it looks like you're already too late."

I look over to her, the woman whose face has been stuck in my mind this past week and whose voice I long to hear once again not yelling at me or letting me down with the words she speaks. I let out a defeated sigh as I notice a tall, blonde man standing in front of Addie who was her arms crossed to sit on the table and he flashes his dazzling smile at her while she looks up at him. He continues to talk and run his mouth while she doesn't smile, or laugh or really speak it looks like and I can't help but to notice how uncomfortable she looks sitting before him.

"I don't think she likes that guy." George comments and I stand up from my chair and straighten my jacket and I grab my glass from the table as I watch the scene lay out before my eyes.

"I don't think so either, so I reckon I'm gonna go save the day, mate." I announce and George sends me an encouraging smile and I exhale a deep breath before taking my first step to walk over there.

"Hey, darling. I'm back from the loo. I'm sorry there was a long line in there." I greet her with my voice full of fake cheer as I now stand next to the lad who is to my left.

"Paul, oh it's okay. Don't worry about it." she replies and I look to this guy next to me briefly and he looks behind himself for some reason I don't know and I look back to her big eyes that just beckon for me to do something.

"Want me to make him go away?" I mouth to her after remembering how she's great at reading lips from our days back in high school talking to each other from across the room in class while the teachers back was turned.

"Please." she replies quietly since she knows I'm not all that great at reading lips and the bloke turns back around. I wink at her and she smiles briefly before he could catch a glimpse of it.

"What do you say about that dance then?" his deep voice asks and I clear my throat before speaking.

"I'm sure she would love to, but she's my date tonight so I wouldn't feel all too comfy about my girl dancing with another guy. You understand, don't you?" I step in and he glances to me with his light eyes I can't make out all that well under the dimmed lights of this club.

"You two are together?" he asks while pointing a finger and I walk around the table to take a seat by her and I throw my arm around her and kiss her cheek to keep on the act. What an enjoyable act this is right now.

"Yes, we are actually. We've been dating for a couple of years now and I just asked her to marry me last month. She said yes, by the way." I continue to tick off this guy who must be some rich, bachelor type.

"Oh, I didn't know that. I'm sorry.." he trails off and I see him glance to Addie's hand that now sits on my upper thigh as we sit rather close to each other. Oh how I wish this was real right now.

"Thanks for the offer though". Ads thanks him and he nods with red cheeks before walking off with his hands in his pockets.

We both let out relieved sighs after he left and then I turn my head to look at her and she does the same and my eyes lock on her brown pair that aren't accentuated with any eyeshadow, eyeliner or mascara because she's always been so pretty that she's never needed any to help her looks.

"You're a life saver, you know that?" she comments with a small grin. I sure have missed that smile.

"Well I saw you from across the room and I spotted that bloke talking to you and how awkward you looked speaking to him, so I thought I'd come and get him to go away."

"Thank you. I appreciate it a lot. I really didn't want to dance with him." she thanks me and I nod my head with a brief smile.

"You're welcome, darling. I wanted to do what I could to help, and plus I kind of wanted to come over and chat with you anyways." I reply nervously with that last line that's a bit of a confession.

"I'm glad that you did come over here," she pauses to remove her hand from my thigh and my arm drops from her shoulder where I didn't really notice it still being there because it felt so normal having my arm around her. "So, how have you been?" she asks as I move my chair over to the table to sit to her right and I pick up my drink again to sip from.

"I've been better. How about you, Addie?" I reply and our eyes again meet after she had drank from her glass that has a slice of peach on the rim of the glass.

"I've been alright. I've just been spending my mornings and part of my afternoons at that activity center with the kids. I bet that you've been busy in the studio." she replies and I glance to George who is looking over here and he gives me a thumbs up that I nod and smile at that.

"That's good, darling. And, yeah I have been somewhat." I answer and then neither of us mutters a word or comes up with a comment as we awkwardly sip from our glasses of liquor and the sound of this rock and roll music surrounds us while I can smell cigarette smoke and rose perfume.

It's so hard to be in her presence and to not be able to kiss her or hug her or sling my arm around her. Certainly I could, but I don't really have those guts right now and then again I'm afraid to make things worse by doing either of those things. The thing is that when I just had my arm around her and her hand was sitting on my thigh it felt right and not weird at all. I hated that it had to end and for us to separate.

"Paul, we need to talk." she announces and I look up from my drink to see her dark eyes set on me.

I feel so excited to hear her say those words no matter the fear running through my veins now because of the possibility of me walking out of this place later tonight alone without her, but on the other hand I'm excited that I might wake up to her tomorrow morning.

**AN: Thoughts? Yay? Nay?**


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